taking back tuesday
i've said many times that i don't feel like much of an american, much less a patriot. i doubt i would ever actively choose to fight for anything other than my family and my friends, and the thought of fighting for my country and with my fellow countryman against some nebulous and allegedly nefarious force of "evil" sounds like the most idiotic thing i've ever been allowed to think. i don't get all misty when the national anthem is played or sung. i only half-way pay attention to stories that include our country being in other countries executing anything other than humanitarian agendas.
these leanings, i have no doubt, impact things like "USA-USA" worship services and the way i loathe them. in those senses, i just don't get it, you know? even having a grandfather that shared many of his war stories with me didn't influence me in such a way that my patriot switch was ever flipped. he never really could explain to me why he felt justified in killing other human beings. i've never heard a good explanation from anyone else for that matter. so, what's the real point in celebrating it?
do i feel lucky i was born here? abso-freaking-lutely. the history that has played out behind me delivered me into a quality situation, one in which the way i choose to think and speak and cuss and blog and act is, in most instances, up to me. that being said, the common qualifier is that this country is what it is because of those that literally fought for our rights to party. people died and people killed so that i could and can be an asshole on the internet, and i can't argue with those points or that sentiment. people did die defending this country. people have killed and continue to kill for the same end. that doesn't mean it's not fucked up, though, right?
i don't know, man.
this whole thought line has refused to leave my system since our july 4th extravaganza and other conversations they spawned. see here and here for two of the more intelligent entries into our discourse.
the nationalism thing reared its head to me again while i observed the groundswell of support towards the usa women's world cup squad. facebook statuses and twitter updates, alike, told the story..."if you are an american, you should be watching this game." "hope solo makes me proud proud to be an american." "these girls make this old soldier proud." wait, what?
i don't know. maybe i just don't like women's soccer and my problem with looking through red, white and blue tinted glasses during massive world-wide sporting events ends there. it doesn't go both ways, gender-wise. i am huge follower of the u.s. men's national team. in related news, i'm also a hypocrite.
the japanese team followed the same script the americans did in their quarterfinal tilt with brazil. they were out-talented and out-played for much of the match but found opportunities given to them by the bumbling american defense for their first goal and found one shining moment of brilliance for their second. twice, they came back from certain defeat to even the game, twice they relentlessly charged ahead whilst american sportswriters were busy crafting poetry towards the three or four american women they would champion above the rest of the team all tournament. japan's never-say-die-ism, their "american" spirit, if you will, lead them to a title. the fact that they are good at soccer probably didn't mean much at all.
however...
even if the morning after talk shows gave minimal credit to the japanese style of play, they did, in turn, raise questions of choking aimed at the americans. an aside: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS CHOKING. EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY ATHLETIC CONTEST COUNTS THE SAME. if the americans cash in even one of the 10-15 chances they had in the first 45, fifa considers stopping the game at halftime out of mercy. end tangent. the morning after columns spoke of how the japanese victory (in a japanese country where only a reported 20,000 females play the sport. i think there are more girls out at the trussville soccer club) might help their nation recover through the healing power of soccer. bullshit. does japan winning a soccer game reunite any of their loved ones with those lost in the tsunami? of course not, but the narrative quickly changed to paint the japanese as heroes and the americans as goats. you build 'em up in sports, so you can tear them down. welcome to the machine, ladies.
in america, we create winners and losers. it's what we do best. hell, it's what i love most about sports. there is no alabama without auburn. there is no braves without the phillies. there is no lebron without lebron. there is no republican without a democrat.
i don't deserve to live in america. i think that's part of my point. i don't love it like i should.
in a weird way, though, american jingoism makes more sense in sports. in sports, you play to win the game. that's the point.
in politics, in foreign policy, in church, we should probably drop the sports schtick and move towards peace and fairness in everything that we are doing.
otherwise, what's the point in trying?
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
gulf shores plantation
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when is a trip to the beach not just a trip to the beach?
this time two years ago, my family and i took a vacation to gulf shores. where we were going to stay was never in question. it was always going to be gulf shores plantation. one of the many traditions we revived and continued while i was on staff at humc for over six years was the senior high/college-age beach trip that closed out our youth weeks. while the junior high group was shuttled off and away (with a beautiful and rotating crew of adult chaperones) to atlanta for a six flags/white water weekend, the elders of our group took to the beach. before we took to the beach, though, we took to gulf shores plantation.
as condos go, i don't guess that the plantation is the most expensive you can find in gulf shores, but far too many memories were made over the years that, if left up to me, we will never consider any other place. why would we when every single trip felt like such a success? the details of those memories, actually, sound like a fun, late summer series that would be worth my time here on HACATLKAM, so i'll leave them be for the time being. as they relate to today's post, all that matters is that the trips we took from 2000-2004 made our family destination decision easy as pie in the summer of 2009.
"the best laid plans"...
the unplanned part about our family vacation in the summer of 2009 is well-documented in these parts. three weeks before we were to leave, in the girls bathroom after a softball game, i peed blood. over the next couple of weeks, we found out that blood wasn't caused by a kidney stone or a urinary tract infection. the blood was being caused by a massive fucking tumor that had been growing inside my right kidney for god knows how long.
many of the pictures that will occasionally flash across our screen saver at home tell a very eery story of that family trip to the beach. i am pretty sure we had a good time. i can remember several things from the week, a couple names of the restaurants we visited, but most of the week is a blur. several pictures that sarah snapped show me looking off into the distance...somewhere, even if that distance was no farther than the wall behind the condo television. it wasn't that i didn't try to have a good time. quite the contrary, i tried really fucking hard, but i couldn't stop thinking about what the tumor meant. was i dying? or was my doctor right when he predicted that i was going to be okay?
it wasn't confirmed cancer until the day after my surgery, after they were able to pull the jacked up organ out of a hole just next to my belly button, slice the jacked up organ open and play around with the tumor. it was that same day and during the same trip to my room that my urologist told me to "celebrate". the cancer was completely contained within the jacked up organ. "you're gonna be really fucking sore for a while, bro, but you are going to be fine." or something like that. 18 long, hard months later, i finally owned that news.
last summer, sarah and i celebrated my cancer(free)-versary with a trip to gatlinburg that, while fun in moments and necessary for the emotional healing, was equal parts haunted. my mind had yet to catch up with my body in the recovery process.
just over a month ago, we went to "the happiest place on earth" only to realize it wasn't. what it was, though, was the first time in close to two years that our family felt whole again, the first time in two years that cancer didn't stain our recall, the first time in two years cancer didn't retard and forecast our future for us.
my mind had finally caught up.
flash back to the future and forward to this weekend.
we are lucky to have friends that care about us and our girls. we are lucky and we'll never be able to properly say "thank you" for their kindness. we are lucky in that they would never expect a "thank you" in the first place.
two of our closest friends have invited us to join them on their own trip down memory lane, to join them at the plantation this weekend. how could we say no?
we couldn't. and we didn't.
thursday evening, we'll head down to the beach for a long weekend that will be much more than just a trip to the beach.
it will be a reminder of the years that i found myself at huffman.
it will be a reminder of how much fun we used to have.
it will be a reminder of how unfortunately forgettable our trip in july of 2009 was.
it will be a reminder of the 18 months of tests and scans, paranoia and anxiety and helplessness that followed my surgery.
it will have been six months removed from the clean scan in january, six months away from the next.
it will be a reminder that life goes on. it just has to. or it will without you.
it will be our last trip with only two baby girls in tow.
it will be many things, in and of itself.
it will be memorable in newer, older, and wiser ways.
it will be...
we can't wait.
when is a trip to the beach not just a trip to the beach?
this time two years ago, my family and i took a vacation to gulf shores. where we were going to stay was never in question. it was always going to be gulf shores plantation. one of the many traditions we revived and continued while i was on staff at humc for over six years was the senior high/college-age beach trip that closed out our youth weeks. while the junior high group was shuttled off and away (with a beautiful and rotating crew of adult chaperones) to atlanta for a six flags/white water weekend, the elders of our group took to the beach. before we took to the beach, though, we took to gulf shores plantation.
as condos go, i don't guess that the plantation is the most expensive you can find in gulf shores, but far too many memories were made over the years that, if left up to me, we will never consider any other place. why would we when every single trip felt like such a success? the details of those memories, actually, sound like a fun, late summer series that would be worth my time here on HACATLKAM, so i'll leave them be for the time being. as they relate to today's post, all that matters is that the trips we took from 2000-2004 made our family destination decision easy as pie in the summer of 2009.
"the best laid plans"...
the unplanned part about our family vacation in the summer of 2009 is well-documented in these parts. three weeks before we were to leave, in the girls bathroom after a softball game, i peed blood. over the next couple of weeks, we found out that blood wasn't caused by a kidney stone or a urinary tract infection. the blood was being caused by a massive fucking tumor that had been growing inside my right kidney for god knows how long.
many of the pictures that will occasionally flash across our screen saver at home tell a very eery story of that family trip to the beach. i am pretty sure we had a good time. i can remember several things from the week, a couple names of the restaurants we visited, but most of the week is a blur. several pictures that sarah snapped show me looking off into the distance...somewhere, even if that distance was no farther than the wall behind the condo television. it wasn't that i didn't try to have a good time. quite the contrary, i tried really fucking hard, but i couldn't stop thinking about what the tumor meant. was i dying? or was my doctor right when he predicted that i was going to be okay?
it wasn't confirmed cancer until the day after my surgery, after they were able to pull the jacked up organ out of a hole just next to my belly button, slice the jacked up organ open and play around with the tumor. it was that same day and during the same trip to my room that my urologist told me to "celebrate". the cancer was completely contained within the jacked up organ. "you're gonna be really fucking sore for a while, bro, but you are going to be fine." or something like that. 18 long, hard months later, i finally owned that news.
last summer, sarah and i celebrated my cancer(free)-versary with a trip to gatlinburg that, while fun in moments and necessary for the emotional healing, was equal parts haunted. my mind had yet to catch up with my body in the recovery process.
just over a month ago, we went to "the happiest place on earth" only to realize it wasn't. what it was, though, was the first time in close to two years that our family felt whole again, the first time in two years that cancer didn't stain our recall, the first time in two years cancer didn't retard and forecast our future for us.
my mind had finally caught up.
flash back to the future and forward to this weekend.
we are lucky to have friends that care about us and our girls. we are lucky and we'll never be able to properly say "thank you" for their kindness. we are lucky in that they would never expect a "thank you" in the first place.
two of our closest friends have invited us to join them on their own trip down memory lane, to join them at the plantation this weekend. how could we say no?
we couldn't. and we didn't.
thursday evening, we'll head down to the beach for a long weekend that will be much more than just a trip to the beach.
it will be a reminder of the years that i found myself at huffman.
it will be a reminder of how much fun we used to have.
it will be a reminder of how unfortunately forgettable our trip in july of 2009 was.
it will be a reminder of the 18 months of tests and scans, paranoia and anxiety and helplessness that followed my surgery.
it will have been six months removed from the clean scan in january, six months away from the next.
it will be a reminder that life goes on. it just has to. or it will without you.
it will be our last trip with only two baby girls in tow.
it will be many things, in and of itself.
it will be memorable in newer, older, and wiser ways.
it will be...
we can't wait.
Monday, July 04, 2011
irreverent
i was watching last monday's espn baseball broadcast, killing some time before i headed out to play our first softball game in trussville. my main interest in watching was one of my fantasy pitchers (jeremy "hellboy" hellickson) was going for the rays (he lost, 5-0. dammit). the game, itself, didn't hold my interest very long after it was obvious hellboy was going to lose, but, after the second inning, there was an interesting taped interview aired that has stuck in my crawl for a week.
buster olney had talked to rays manager, joe maddon, before the game. it's been established by now that the rays fight an uphill battle every year when it comes to winning baseball games in their division. they have to compete with two of the highest salaried teams in baseball, the yankees and the red sox. in order to compete with the rich, the smaller market rays have to be more efficient and more creative than most other teams in the league. for the last few seasons, they've been able to optimize their roster and their resources in ways that make this braves fan very, very jealous. two out of the last three years the rays have made the postseason. in 2008, they lost to the phillies in the world series. so, buster olney asked joe maddon to name just one of the things he does that has led to his team's unexpected and consistent success. his response was honest and refreshing.
in so many words, he said, "every day when i come to the park, i write "irreverent" at the top of the line-up card. it reminds me that we have to do things differently around here. we have to find ways to stay ahead of the curve. it's a reminder that we aren't going to beat the big boys by mimicking what they do, by trying to beat them at their own game."
indeed.
irreverent. it's a great word that, in my opinion, carries with it a negative connotation that i don't know it deserves. in regard to the rays line-up card, for a couple of weeks, the rays batted their most talented hitter and best player, evan longoria, in the leadoff spot (he has since moved back down to his normal three-hole) to try and spark the rays struggling offense. it worked.
in your grandfather's baseball, you didn't and don't bat your best hitter first. you bat a guy with some speed at the top. a good contact guy that can move the speedy guy along the base paths second. then, the third guy in your line-up would, ideally, be your most efficient run-producer or rbi guy. look up and down every major league, minor league, high school, to little league line-up card. this is the norm. the accepted. the respected. if you fail using this system, a manager will not take serious heat, because it's what all his peers do as well.
the flaw comes when you understand that, statistically, batting third doesn't guarantee a hitter more available baserunners to knock in than any other spot in the order. it may feel like it if you only watch the first inning of a baseball game, lose interest, then turn the game off. chances are, though, evan longoria, chipper jones, albert pujols, joey votto, and every other three-hole guy will only bat third once more the entire game.
in maddon's mind (also backed up by many, many sabr-metric measures), it made more sense to bat his best hitter first. one thing about this tweak that is absolutely defense-proof is your leadoff man is guaranteed to have more potential at-bats than any other spot in the order. for example, if you are a braves fan, would you currently want jordan schafer or brian mccann to have more potential at-bats? easy answer, right? as much as i love schafer, i want my all-star to bat as many times as possible. maddon felt the same way about longoria, and the move paid off. the rays offense reignited. they are currently 10 games over .500 and in the thick of another playoff chase.
irreverent.
sitting in the sanctuary yesterday morning, cringing at the thought of standing up and singing "my country 'tis of thee" in worship, i couldn't shake the maddon interview from my thoughts, for i wished that our worship leaders, ...hell, every worship leader might take the same approach to constructing their services as maddon has and will his line-up.
yesterday morning, could people really blame our pastor or liturgist or choir if there wasn't the same tangible buzz in the room as was present during last week's vbs service? not really, because all yesterday's service was was what people have come to expect on the sunday that precedes america's birthday or memorial day or veteran's day. that's what our church does. that's what we expect. it's easy to accept and respect. to be honest, though, did it really say anything about god?
i don't know.
last sunday, there was no order of worship printed to follow. there were children in the front of the congregation leading worship. there were videos, photo-montages, and jesus-fied justin bieber songs. every single element may not have been perfect, but the package, on the whole, was refreshingly irreverent.
not in a bad way, mind you. it was irreverent in that it was completely un-expected. it was outside what our church (or any church) usually does on sunday mornings. it was thoughtful. it was obviously well-planned. it had a theme. everything the service did illustrated that theme. the end result was every bit "man, that felt good. new, even".
did the vacation bible school organizers reinvent the wheel last week? of course not. every single element of their worship had been there in some service or done that in another. worship doesn't need to worry about reinventing the wheel to be relevant.
worship only needs to be focused on god.
there are times and places to be focused on country. is church one of them? i don't really think so, even if that's what our congregation expects, accepts, or respects.
irreverent isn't a four-letter word. it's a state of mind. it's looking out across your church, your baseball team, your family or your free time and saying, "i've been driving down this road long enough. it's time to take a left."
what's the worst that can happen? i mean, really?
for joe maddon, he could've kept hitting his best hitter third in spite of hard and fast statistical data making a logically sound argument for them batting first, because every other team does the same thing. he chose an unconventional method. he chose to be irreverent, and it worked out better for his team.
for humc or any other community of faith that looks to connect with god, we can continue to copy every other worship service experience we've ever manufactured. there will be very little room for critique, because it's what every other established community of faith does.
or we could strive to be positively irreverent, trying to replicate the refreshing unpredictability of a vbs service or a tenabrae service and strive to make each week's service its own experience instead of a faded copy of the previous one.
whichever way we go is fine i guess.
doesn't irreverent sound like more fun, though?
i was watching last monday's espn baseball broadcast, killing some time before i headed out to play our first softball game in trussville. my main interest in watching was one of my fantasy pitchers (jeremy "hellboy" hellickson) was going for the rays (he lost, 5-0. dammit). the game, itself, didn't hold my interest very long after it was obvious hellboy was going to lose, but, after the second inning, there was an interesting taped interview aired that has stuck in my crawl for a week.
buster olney had talked to rays manager, joe maddon, before the game. it's been established by now that the rays fight an uphill battle every year when it comes to winning baseball games in their division. they have to compete with two of the highest salaried teams in baseball, the yankees and the red sox. in order to compete with the rich, the smaller market rays have to be more efficient and more creative than most other teams in the league. for the last few seasons, they've been able to optimize their roster and their resources in ways that make this braves fan very, very jealous. two out of the last three years the rays have made the postseason. in 2008, they lost to the phillies in the world series. so, buster olney asked joe maddon to name just one of the things he does that has led to his team's unexpected and consistent success. his response was honest and refreshing.
in so many words, he said, "every day when i come to the park, i write "irreverent" at the top of the line-up card. it reminds me that we have to do things differently around here. we have to find ways to stay ahead of the curve. it's a reminder that we aren't going to beat the big boys by mimicking what they do, by trying to beat them at their own game."
indeed.
irreverent. it's a great word that, in my opinion, carries with it a negative connotation that i don't know it deserves. in regard to the rays line-up card, for a couple of weeks, the rays batted their most talented hitter and best player, evan longoria, in the leadoff spot (he has since moved back down to his normal three-hole) to try and spark the rays struggling offense. it worked.
in your grandfather's baseball, you didn't and don't bat your best hitter first. you bat a guy with some speed at the top. a good contact guy that can move the speedy guy along the base paths second. then, the third guy in your line-up would, ideally, be your most efficient run-producer or rbi guy. look up and down every major league, minor league, high school, to little league line-up card. this is the norm. the accepted. the respected. if you fail using this system, a manager will not take serious heat, because it's what all his peers do as well.
the flaw comes when you understand that, statistically, batting third doesn't guarantee a hitter more available baserunners to knock in than any other spot in the order. it may feel like it if you only watch the first inning of a baseball game, lose interest, then turn the game off. chances are, though, evan longoria, chipper jones, albert pujols, joey votto, and every other three-hole guy will only bat third once more the entire game.
in maddon's mind (also backed up by many, many sabr-metric measures), it made more sense to bat his best hitter first. one thing about this tweak that is absolutely defense-proof is your leadoff man is guaranteed to have more potential at-bats than any other spot in the order. for example, if you are a braves fan, would you currently want jordan schafer or brian mccann to have more potential at-bats? easy answer, right? as much as i love schafer, i want my all-star to bat as many times as possible. maddon felt the same way about longoria, and the move paid off. the rays offense reignited. they are currently 10 games over .500 and in the thick of another playoff chase.
irreverent.
sitting in the sanctuary yesterday morning, cringing at the thought of standing up and singing "my country 'tis of thee" in worship, i couldn't shake the maddon interview from my thoughts, for i wished that our worship leaders, ...hell, every worship leader might take the same approach to constructing their services as maddon has and will his line-up.
yesterday morning, could people really blame our pastor or liturgist or choir if there wasn't the same tangible buzz in the room as was present during last week's vbs service? not really, because all yesterday's service was was what people have come to expect on the sunday that precedes america's birthday or memorial day or veteran's day. that's what our church does. that's what we expect. it's easy to accept and respect. to be honest, though, did it really say anything about god?
i don't know.
last sunday, there was no order of worship printed to follow. there were children in the front of the congregation leading worship. there were videos, photo-montages, and jesus-fied justin bieber songs. every single element may not have been perfect, but the package, on the whole, was refreshingly irreverent.
not in a bad way, mind you. it was irreverent in that it was completely un-expected. it was outside what our church (or any church) usually does on sunday mornings. it was thoughtful. it was obviously well-planned. it had a theme. everything the service did illustrated that theme. the end result was every bit "man, that felt good. new, even".
did the vacation bible school organizers reinvent the wheel last week? of course not. every single element of their worship had been there in some service or done that in another. worship doesn't need to worry about reinventing the wheel to be relevant.
worship only needs to be focused on god.
there are times and places to be focused on country. is church one of them? i don't really think so, even if that's what our congregation expects, accepts, or respects.
irreverent isn't a four-letter word. it's a state of mind. it's looking out across your church, your baseball team, your family or your free time and saying, "i've been driving down this road long enough. it's time to take a left."
what's the worst that can happen? i mean, really?
for joe maddon, he could've kept hitting his best hitter third in spite of hard and fast statistical data making a logically sound argument for them batting first, because every other team does the same thing. he chose an unconventional method. he chose to be irreverent, and it worked out better for his team.
for humc or any other community of faith that looks to connect with god, we can continue to copy every other worship service experience we've ever manufactured. there will be very little room for critique, because it's what every other established community of faith does.
or we could strive to be positively irreverent, trying to replicate the refreshing unpredictability of a vbs service or a tenabrae service and strive to make each week's service its own experience instead of a faded copy of the previous one.
whichever way we go is fine i guess.
doesn't irreverent sound like more fun, though?
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