Tuesday, May 29, 2007

one of my babies looks to be screwed


my current list of babies:

michael vick
tim hudson
lebron james
ichiro (slipping)
jeff francoeur (rising)

like one of my favorite tv personalities might say..."that's it. that's the list." there are other athletes (peyton, manny, barry, nash, wade, among others) that i root for or, for that matter, might even make my appointment television list, but the above five guys are the ones that illuminate or haunt my dreams (dependant on whether i've eaten something heavy before i go to bed) on any given night. ichiro is only slipping because i never see him any more. being on the west coast, he never gets play on espn and i don't have the extra innings package, so the only time i will even get a chance to see ichiro live this year is the all-star game. honestly, i think i am still in love only with the idea of ichiro as much as the player himself. i can't really call myself a fan if i never see him play, right? as for frenchy, he's the closest thing atlanta (who's starting to teeter towards sucking right now thanks to the freaking injury bug burrowing under the club's skin) has seen to my childhood hero, dale murphy. huge arm. loopy and powerful swing. really fun to watch. could rise even higher on the list by the end of the season if he can somehow keep the braves in the race for the postseason.

the number one guy on my list is mike vick. and comparing mike vick to the rest of the list is almost unfair as far as his general importance to my lust of sports go. mike is dennis miller to the rest of the list's chris farley. and that's not to take anything away from chris farley. he's funny and all. especially when he's yelling or throwing himself into tables or overdosing, but dennis miller actually tells jokes. he says stuff that you have to chew on, make the connection, laugh about and then enjoy that you got it for a few days after the joke, itself, was told. mike vick is like that. nfl guys have always had a hard and frustrating time with putting mike in a box. "he isn't a dropback quarterback." "he doesn't complete enough passes." blah, blah, blah. at least once in every game, he has a "moment" that you just can't help but give him your total attention. most of the time it's when he's breaking free of the pocket and threatens to show every defender how much faster and athletic he is than them. on occasion, it's when he unleashes the national weapon that is his arm and tries to throw a pass through one of his receivers. but there is always that "moment" that, if you watch the game, you will think about and dwell on it's "i am so glad i saw that in real time" quotient for days after the fact.

well, unfortunately for me, him, and all of us, mike is about to have a different moment. seems that mike likes to raise dogs to fight and kill each other. this story is everywhere, and it won't seem to go away. it won't go away, because most of the story seems to be true and raising dogs to fight and kill each other happens to be illegal. as for the whole dogfighting thing, i think it's pretty crappy, but no more than other kinds of animal cruelty which seem to be overlooked. i''ll point you toward aol fanhouse and this article without going into too much detail, since i agree with pretty much every word. as for mike being involved, well, i can't really say that i am shocked or amazed or disappointed or whatever. it almost sounds like something that i would expect him to be involved in. on field and off, mike embraces his inner gangster, which to me, makes him that much more interesting. whether or not mike is charged or convicted of anything doesn't really matter at this point. if you cuss around the new nfl commissioner, you're gonna get suspended.

i am going to cross my fingers that i don't lose him for the whole season. or longer. i am going to send the commissioner an e-mail and ask him to understand what mike means to me and atlanta and the league and judge him lightly. and i don't expect it to change a thing.

oh, dear, sweet mike vick. is a sports life without you a life worth living? if the falcons lose with a crappy ex-georgia three-year back-up at quarterback or joey harrington, would they even make a sound? the world may soon find out.

and i will be sad.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

five years and counting


it feels like i am supposed to be thinking something like, "man, may 25, 2002 feels like it was just yesterday." but it doesn't. in most ways, five years ago feels like five years ago. in most ways, five years ago feels like a lifetime ago. so much has changed since my and sarah's wedding day. so many peaks. so many valleys. so much different. not a lot the same.

just a few highlights (or lowlights in some cases) of the last five years...in the last five years i experienced the best of times as the student director of huffman united methodist church. great attendance. great experiences. young people learning to understand the idea of being a christian and being of the world all at the same time. me learning the same. in the last five years, also, i resigned myself to the thought that my church and myself would be better off without me and i gave up my staff position at the church i love. looking back, i may be better off, but the church and the youth group is not (of course, i am biased in this thought.). shortly after leaving huffman, i moved part-time to huntsville and became partly responsible for a failed church plant. in the last five years, i became a father...to a girl. unbelievably, we are both living to recount the experience thus far and may even be the better for it...both of us. in the last five years, i learned what it meant to be a husband and chose to be one. a real one, not just on paper. in the last five years, i've lost friends and i've gained friends. i've lost a pet and regained a pet. bought a car. bought a house. cut some loose ends. have left some hanging. bought less music. started a blog. in the last five years, i feel like i've learned more about how humans behave and react to one another than i ever would have thought possible. in the last five years, i feel like i've figured it out.

now, that's not all to say that i've figured it all out. just it. i am just comfortable and confident in my own skin for the first time in my life. and i am loving it. but i will say this, if i come as far in the next five years as i have in these last five, i might just have to change my name to neo and start breaking shit with my mind. i am just saying.

comfort and confidence is a happy place and an enlightening feeling. but i must be careful not to rest with the feeling. i told sarah on our anniversary that the biggest difference that i think she's made in my life is that, over the last five years, i feel like i have stopped taking the easiest option every time i am presented with a choice. taking the longcut to where i am now may not have always been the one that made sense to "most people" or even myself, but it brought me to a very dangerous place.

a place that tells me it's just about time to stir the pot again. but not because stirring the pot is the cool thing to do. because stirring the pot is the right thing to do.

happy anniversary, sarah. and thanks.

Monday, May 21, 2007

getting ready for the "next step"
(um...why did he put that in italics?)


i've haven't strayed onto the topic of huffman united methodist for a while now. the fact that i haven't been to a worship service there in several weeks isn't the whole reason i don't guess, although i am sure that it plays a role. i can't cite "out of sight, out of mind", because the church has most definitely been on my mind what with the upheaval in the children's place (humc's "ministry" of a daycare that hannah attends). it's more that, because i haven't been around on sunday mornings, i have tried to focus on good thoughts rather than negative ones. this tactic has worked to some degree. only for a short time after reading the weekly mail-out bulletin do i feel ire towards the church, and then i have moved on to hannah or sarah or sports or something more worth my time and effort.

but then i read rick's latest column. in it, he describes in short the life-raft of a position that the conference created for him to get the hell out of huffman and he tells the congregation in name that we will be welcoming rev. chris denson and his family to our fold come father's day. those two items are fine and good, but what i focused on and can't shake just yet is that he mentions that under our new pastor's leadership, huffman is ready to take the "next step". the words, "next step", are italicized. you can misspell words by accident. you can splice a comma by accident (i assure you). you can be thinking something in your head and your fingers type something else by accident (this also, i know). but you do not italicize by accident. rick was trying to make a special point with this move, and it's up to us, his readers, to understand and analyze this non-accident.

personally, it scares the hell out of me for huffman all over again. to me, there are only two ways you can take it. the first? he knew it was cliche'. he knew that the "next step" or taking said step is the go-to transitional phrase that every pastor must choose when he/she is leaving one church and handing the reigns over to someone else. this comment is the lame-duck's way of saying "the right thing" and allowing the congregation he's giving the finger to or being pulled away from a glimmer of hope as he/she exits. "don't worry, church X. rev. whatshisname is a wonderful man, an excellent preacher and you are ready to take the next step in your ministry with him." so, in scenario one we see rick understanding that he is using the old, tried and tired cliche', but being ok with being unoriginal and using it anyway. in scenario one, italicizing "next step" is lame, but it's understood.

scenario two is worse, but more likely. the second way we can take his comment is as a backhanded way of telling the church that we are screwed. we are to recognize that, cliche' or not, rick fully understood and wanted to use the phrase, the "next step", and in his mind, he knew what that really meant. for all intents and purposes, huffman's next step, you see, is to die. for years we have been able to play the "we are an aging church" card and still feel optimistic about the future of our church. but that time has come and gone. huffman is no longer aging. we have, in fact, aged. we have a goodly number of baby boomers in our midst. we have even more above or well-above retirement-aged persons. we have very few generation x'ers. we have very few youth and children. and what is worse about these vary vague demographics is that we, as a collective, seem ok with that. yesterday morning, a graduating class of seniors (the vast majority of which are no longer active with the youth group) were told 'that they'll always have a place at humc' and that 'we hope that you'll consider coming back to us after college'. the notion of never leaving was not even discussed. hell, like i said, most of them had already gone. but the why's and whatnot's of those individual young persons are not the issue here. the issue is this. rick knows what i know. that one of the conference's flagship churches of less than twenty years ago is borderline, if not altogether, irrelevant. he was just too chicken to say it. instead, he italicized "next step" as to not step on anyone's toes on the way out the door. bravo, rick. bravo.

huffman's been littered with "next steps" and missteps over the last several years. a retirement-age bishop yanking john rutland away from a congregation still brimming with potential and replacing him with the divisive and incompetent charles lee was one. cutting charles lee off at the knees (probably a good move), the church pushed him out and brought still-brimming-with-potential pastor rick "i want to know the song of your heart" (probably an ironic and bad omen from the get-go. there was still a bad taste in the mouth of the older members at huffman from our first failed non-traditional worship service named, you guessed it, heartsong.) on. unfortunately, shortly after rick came, the 500 lb. gorilla in the corner that is the children's place (look for more on the daycare in a future post soon) lost their capable and kind director. replacing her with an incapable administrator with a hard heart and no ties to the church was another misstep. the congregation and the staff failing miserably with two more (r.i.p. gracelink and manna mondays) non-traditional worship services were not fatal, but mere kicks to the groin of a church already on the ground. the final misstep to this point? our pastor cutting his own losses while his reputation (deserved or undeserved is for another debate) is still intact and floating on his life-raft into the uncharted waters of "new opportunity".

either way you slice it, huffman's next step is not a sight for sore eyes.

hope does remain, though. in the form of a daycare that is our only root into our community. a daycare that has also seen it's better days but may remain the only ministry at our church currently brimming with potential. does rev. chris denson understand this? not a chance. and we, as a collective, will be fighting for our lives to help him try and get it. there are those on our own staff that wish it would close it's doors yesterday. but hope does remain. in the kids and teachers that walk our halls during the week but do not sniff the sanctuary on the weekend.

whatever the next step is, huffman, we have to hold the children's place hand and let it lead us into the unknown. if you are not comfortable with this idea, i hear that trussville and clearbranch openly accept and embrace people that have rationalized themselves away from what once was a good and happy place.

fuck next step. the time to fight for our church is now.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

how's the weather, fair?


bethlehem shoals from freedarko (anyone that's interested in mixing philosophy with the nba should take a look) posted an entry yesterday that included a comment that made me perk up and take a personal inventory. in observing the nba's current cinderellas (golden state) in their current series versus the jazz, shoals came to this conclusion. "i only like the warriors when they're winning." only if you've kept up with freedarko as the warriors completed the biggest nba playoff upset ever could you feel the total weight of the statement. shoals had gone so far as to compare the runamokedness of the warriors' game to jazz (the music, not the team) only a week or so ago. he was completely in love. as was most of the nba nation. and why not? they were only taking every model of what the perfect playoff basketball team was and eating it alive kicking and screaming. their coach was called a mad scientist. their players called castoffs, and that was only when people were being polite. but their brand of playground-times-ten basketball confused the "best team in the nba" and sent their mvp home to collect his mvp trophy at an embarrassing news conference instead of prior to a playoff game.

but the sheen on the new car that is/was the warriors has started to fade in the second round. you see, there was a reason they had to play themselves into the playoffs on the final day of the regular season. there were reasons why they were a .500 team. "the best team in the nba" just couldn't figure out those reasons. probably because their "mvp" sucks, but that's been documented on every sports site. i guess it makes sense that shoals and others are falling out of love with the warriors. it's the same feeling that people get when george mason type teams start to advance in the ncaa tournament. it's exciting at first, but then you realize that they suck and you hope they lose before they start completely ruining your bracket.

what this got me thinking of, though, was how often i am guilty of being a fairweather fan. which teams do i swear allegiance to even when times are tough? even with my "live or die" teams (alabama football and basketball, braves, falcons), i have turned my back on them. when the braves started going downhill last season (their first bad year in 15 years!!! how ridiculously not loyal am i???), i stopped watching games and had no interest in trying to find a way over to atlanta to catch a game in person. hell, the braves are a half game out of first today and when i heard that john smoltz hurt himself when i got home from work last night, i almost decided to mail the rest of the year in as a loss. don't even get me started about alabama sports. i hate those teams more often than i love them. that's painfully obvious from which emotion inspires me to write about them. trust me. this blog's archives document it clearly.

the more i thought about it, the more i came to my own epiphany, thanks in part to the guy from freedarko coming to his. i am completely, totally, 100 percent over the top a fairweather fan. i've become (or maybe always have been) what i have claimed to hate the most. the type of sports fan that claim "they lived through the dale murphy years" (like me.) or "wish that nick saban becomes the new bear" when they only know of the bear's legend (like me.). the kind of fan that will sport a red sox shirt one day and a mariners shirt the next depending on which athlete he is currently dreaming about at night (like me.). the kind of fan that adopts dwayne wade and the heat so they don't have to root for the mavericks (like me.). the kind of fan that falls in love with peyton only after he's gone from really good to hall-of-famer because the falcons kind of suck (like me.). i am "that guy". i know this. i might as well own it, right?

maybe that's my own way of putting sports into their proper perspective. jumping from team to team. bandwagon to bandwagon. could i live without sports? i wouldn't want to, but i probably could. and so, until the alabama high school athletic association proclaims every day a "day of worship" and bans all sports completely, i will choose this, my new and enlightened path. the braves and alabama football and alabama basketball and the falcons will still be my favorite teams, but i will claim my right as a fairweather fan to hop on any bandwagon, big or small, of my choosing at any time.

their are four things that i hope my legacy in life does not judge me as fairweather: a husband, father, christian and friend. after that, all bets are off.

as for sports?

let's go suns!!!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

the world is flat
(oh, shit. no, sorry, it's round.)


i've mentioned a few times how much i like (or love...madly) the show, lost. i came to the party one season late, but after my first-season cram session, i was hooked. and it is now my tv drug of choice. heroes and the office are close seconds at this point, but even with those two shows, i could handle watching a taped episode of the former on tuesday nights when nothing else comes on or downloading an office on itunes just so long as we watch it before the next week's new episode airs. this is not the case with lost. if i didn't share my wednesday nights with jack, kate, sawyer and "the others", i'd be, well...you know, lost (sorry, you know i had to do that.). you could've counted me among the number of frustrated fans after the season's first six episodes. i shared the same wonders and questions as many of the show's devotees. what was going on? why are you adding new characters on the beach three seasons in? do you know what you are doing? does the show know where it's going? does it know how it's going to end? when are we going to start getting answers?

well, the show has hit a major stride over the past several episodes and several things have happened to re-energize my want to see the show through 'til the very end.

1) an end date was reached between abc and the producers. may, 2010. 48 more episodes. a hugely important question is answered with this decision. for any fan that worried that the show would be dragged out and on 'til every cent was drained from the money-maker that is the show, that worry can now be put to bed. we have now seen more episodes than there are to be seen. the producers have said in interviews they know how it's going to end. now, we as fans can just sit back and enjoy the way it all comes together.

2) jeff jensen. i am sure there are hundreds of fan sites that i am unaware of and i could find all sorts of interesting information and theories on these sites, but my resident expert is "doc" jensen of entertainment weekly (ew.com). he is just as much (or probably much more) a fan of the show as i am and he has the time/paycheck to devote all sorts of time and energy to dissecting the show, positing theories, writing a preview column before every first run episode, a commentary on the episode the following day and single-handedly making lost more of an event for me than just a show. i don't watch wednesday night's show without reading jeff jensen's column. and i don't feel like i have a complete grasp on the show i just watched until i read what his take on it was the day after. i highly recommend adding "doc" into your weekly diet if you take the show as seriously as i do.

3) the "answers" are coming. maybe not in the way that you or i would like, but starting with this weeks episode, the show took a completely different turn for me. jensen makes a point in his most recent column that i couldn't agree with any more than i do. prior to this week's show, i think fans were divided into two camps as far as the avenue they wanted the answers in the show to come from. one camp wanted everything to be explained in a very scientific/factual/thiscouldallreallyhappen sort of way. the other camp didn't mind if lost explained it's questions through sci-fi colored glasses. i don't know if i fell squarely into either one of these camps, but after this week, it is 100 percent obvious that there will be a science fiction angle to the show. and that is completely fine with me. actually it's perfect. more than perfect. x-files was one of my favorite shows ever and one of the reasons i was able to completely embrace it was that i knew that as real as scully and mulder and the fbi seemed, they existed in a "reality" where aliens and other monsters existed. the show was an escape. and that was part of the fun. up until this week on lost, i was unable to bearhug the show completely because i didn't know if i was watching an updated version of fantasy island or an updated version of lord of the flies. and now i know. it's both. and that's awesome. because once you enter the realm of science-fiction, all bets are off. from this point forward, i'll believe anything you show me because i don't have to convince myself that "it could really happen." is ben the devil? who knows. is the smoke monster post-modern god? maybe. is the island purgatory? who cares. whatever happens from this point forward, i am buckled in and ready for the ride.

i hate that there are only two shows left 'til january of 2008, but i know they are going to kick ass. if you've jumped off the lost boat or haven't bought your ticket yet, it's not too late. the best show on television would love to have you. and don't give me the "i wouldn't know what was going on." excuse. you can borrow season one from me. i am sure jacob sutton has season two. season three will come out in a couple months. i'll print your dog tags.

the lost army needs you.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

my life as a single-dad for three days
(the post game news conference)
((a transcript))

i appreciate you all being here today. the time i spent last week as a single-dad was an eye-opening but, for the most part, very wonderful experience. i'll take a few questions before i head back to my normal life as a very married dad. you, sir, in the back...

can you give us a glimpse into your three days at home with hannah? what was it like? how did you spend your time? what was your initial reaction to the experience after your time alone with hannah ended?

"wow. ok. from this point on, if we could just do one question at a time, that would be great. i'll try and get to all of your queries. my initial reaction was a little bit of sadness. as the three days go individually, wednesday was a struggle, thursday was wonderful and friday was a little bit of a relief. when saturday morning arrived, and i knew that my and hannah's "alone time" was coming to a close, i guess i felt a feeling of accomplishment. a feeling of, "yeah, i can do this." and it felt good. nothing burned to the ground. we didn't break anything. we went to bed happy every night. i got a lot of hugs and kisses and i didn't have to share them. it was an experience that i will always cherish and remember fondly...yes, ma'am, on the left..."

you mentioned wednesday being a struggle. can you tell us why?

"sure. sure. wednesday was a struggle, but it wasn't as much hannah being difficult as the circumstances at home proved annoying. i came home and wanted to work out, but i was met when i came in the door with cat blood and cat vomit everywhere along with a pool of cat pee in the workout room. those factors, in and of themselves, would have thrown me off, but those in combination with hannah's usual post-schoolday needs and wants just made for a very frustrating afternoon. the evening seemed to be taking a turn for the better as we headed to mcdonald's for dinner, but that came to a screeching halt when hannah wet herself in the mcdonald's playground. after driving a naked hannah home and getting her a bath, we settled in for bed. from this point forward, the three days could not have run any smoother."

what sort of changes to your daily routine did you notice while sarah was away?

"well, for one my work schedule changed. since last tuesday, i've worked six of seven days and every one of those shifts involved opening the store. it may be silly that i've thought about this as much as i have, but i do know one thing. if i had a day job, a 9-5, my love affair with the internet and, thus, this blog, would end. i know this for a fact. every day coming home from work, there were just too many things to take care of for and about hannah. after she went to bed, i didn't have the motivation to turn the computer on, much less blog or surf about for an hour or so. i guess one thing a retail schedule has allowed me is more "me" time than i had led myself to believe i truly had. i won't take that time for granted as much as i might have prior to last week."

would you want to do this again?

"that one is easy. no. not in the least. i am comfortable with the knowledge that i "could" or "can" do it again, but if sarah and i were never apart for another day, i think i would be ok with that. one of the great things about marriage is that everything you do, you do as a team. does that mean i cook? no. does that mean sarah cleans the cat pan? no. but when one of us is taking care of something around the house or even away from the house, it's always the two of us that are taking care of hannah. maybe not even always in body. but in spirit, there is something very encouraging and empowering about knowing someone has your back. knowing that by the end of the day, the calvary is going to arrive. i will never take that feeling for granted anymore either. hopefully, the times from this point going forward that sarah or i have to leave the other to go out of town for any longer than a day will be very few and very far between."

any regrets on how you and hannah spent your time?

"nope. none, other than me not making her use the bathroom at mcdonald's before she started to play. we had fun with amy and katie thursday and we had plenty of time on the couch just kicking it. i am satisfied."

any last words? final thoughts?

well, i'll just take a second to thank all of those that made those three days possible. sarah for leaving and having enough faith in me to not have someone "drop by" to check up on us every evening. hannah for pretending like she didn't miss her mommy enough to bring it up every hour. i'd like to thank the academy. and god. without him, i would not have been able to catch that pass and get into the endzone and show those bunch of pagans on the other side of the field that when god is for you, let no man put asunder. or something like that...

good night."

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

my life as a single-dad for three days
(the preview)
((back to the future, part me))


most of you know that i am married to a beautiful mom of about-to-be two girls named sarah. sarah gets shout-outs from time to time on TWALBTMLE, but i haven't started a series as of yet called sarah and me. there are a number of reasons for this. mainly, my inspiration for starting this journal was to put down in words thoughts in my head that chronicled things that i felt like were important before hannah was old enough for me to say these thoughts out loud to her. so, as has been the case for the majority of my entries, i write with hannah in mind. what do i want her to know? how does something affect her because it affected me? why does daddy have crushes on other men? things of that nature. it's not that sarah is not on my mind or that i don't think i could write something entertaining or endearing about sarah. it's more that i hope(d) that if something was on my mind, we as two grown adults could just, well...you know, talk about it.

well, "talking about it", a lot of the times, is not my greatest strength. the longer i have kept up with the blog the more i realize this. if someone were to challenge me in a death match of coping tactics such as avoidance or internalization, i would kick their ass and then lead them into a big pile of manure like i was marty and they were biff. when it comes to saying what's on my heart and mind, though, i am a lot closer to george mcfly than marty. but that's where sarah comes in to the picture. in my life, sarah is my lorraine. she's very smart. very pretty. and a lot more sure of me, most of the time, than i am of myself. she's patient and she's kind. and then she's more patient. she takes care of me when i deserve it and when i don't. and she doesn't yell at me when she should (like when i left the door to hannah's room open yesterday and punkin bled all over her blanket and floor). she allows me to play my sports. she listens to me talk about my sports. and she's even pretended to like the braves and falcons and other teams i cheer for so we can do it together. and then she's more patient.

unfortunately, tomorrow, she's leaving. not for good, thank god, but for a few days, hannah and i will be left to fend for ourselves (god help hannah). i am not too anxious, but i bet sarah is. she won't tell me, but i am fairly sure she expects something to break or burn down while she's gone, and she might be right. even if it does, though, she probably won't yell.

and so, beginning tomorrow, i'll be a single dad (in body only). we'll see how it goes. i've already admitted to not cooking, so i am thinking of dinner at mcdonald's, taco bell, and chick-fil-a should suffice for the first three days. right? that sounds good. we are going to have a blast and too much trans-fat, but it'll be an adventure.

do you remember when i went to huntsville? voluntarily? and didn't make it home for days at a time? sarah told me to do it (or she said it was cool). she knew that i needed to and that we would get along. that she could do the single mom thing for a little bit while i found myself. the farther removed i am from that experience, the more it defines how good of a girl sarah is. hannah and i will be ok without her, but i am very glad it's only for a few days.

i love you lorraine, calvin klein