how do you define casual?


listen. i'll be the first to own up to the fact that i am guilty of talking out of both sides of my mouth. i will wonder and wish out loud of an ideal world with ideal circumstances and ideal families and ideal this and ideal that. no sooner might i wake up the very next morning to my own very warped reality and live out something completely different. consider me as guilty as the next guy.

sunday night, sarah and i were sitting together and talking during a commercial interrupting grey's anatomy. i can't remember her exact words, but they were something along the lines of, "we have never really known what it's like to be "home" like this, have we?" she was right. for a long, long time, as long as we've know each other, she has known me as an ideal definition of kevin michael o'kelley. sometimes twice a week, sometimes more, i would make scripturally-based arguments to young people on any number of topics. at the root of each topic, though, could be found a lesson in how to love those closest to you. your family. the ones you share a house with. your friends. the ones you share your free time with. both. the ones you share your dreams of the ideal with. after the lesson was over, i would go home, and then leave shortly thereafter to prepare another lesson. those that heard these lessons knew me. they knew that i was not naive. the world had and has slapped me around just as much as anyone, but since sunday night, i have wondered what sort of hypocritical, talk out of both sides of my mouth, poor excuse for a role model did i ever come across as to my family and friends. the ones i often did not have time for.

i think i am more realistic now than i have ever been since the time that my wife and i met. i think it is playing itself out in many ways as my being more cynical and jaded than i have ever been as well. in many ways, sarah is learning to live with a whole new person. it's weird and somewhat satisfying to see how much we are enjoying this new reality.

it is this new reality, now, that shapes our path. it is the old ideal, though, that keeps us from immediately changing part of our summer plans. eventually, the new will overtake the old completely and our family will complement each other and god's beautiful world in a much more healthy way.

depending on how you define casual, though, you may not be along for the ride.

your loss.