it's not the quality, it's the loud
(the song of my heart)


with all due respect, and i mean this with every ounce of sincerity and love i have in me, please stop. halting the congregation four verses into the five and calling out their lack of "passion" hasn't worked in the past. it did not work today. it will not work in the future. what's worse is the reminder during the pause of the reason we are gathered together. the lesson on what jesus' sacrifice "should" mean. should it mean we, as a group of mostly 50 and over's bring the house down with our voices? should it mean that the love we feel for god and each other and the community we share be measured in decibal level? or should it mean that even if we are singing to ourselves because we are sick or don't like our own voice or would rather hear the choir or our neighbor sing the hymn or because we don't want to sing out or sing at all for reasons outside of your control, that god hears the song in our heart anyway? that god hears the beautiful voice in our heads that wishes we sounded like virginia carlisle or adam wright? how did i react? like a stubborn child, and i put my hymnal down. how did others react? like scolded children that were trying to impress their disappointed father. both reactive and both only temporary fixes. band-aids on top of wounds that are already infected.

and here is the rub. you are doing everything you can, and i admire you for that. you are excited. you know why. and so you encourage others in your own way because you have seen the light and you want others to as well. i wish you luck. i really do. i wish i had the answers to all the questions in my head about my church.

but i only have opinions. my opinions that could be just as wrong. who knows. maybe they are. maybe they aren't. i doubt i will be asked. and that is ok.

i do know this. apathy cannot be stirred with a switch. only with love and time. and sometimes, even with those, it will not be stirred. and that, also, is ok.