calling all racists
(sanctification is tough)


having given it some thought recently, i think i have a little better understanding of the quote that was attributed to dave chappelle after he walked away from his uber-popular comedy central show. the quote in question was thrown around in several articles documenting the comedian calling it quits. in so many words, chappelle said that a white member of his live, studio audience "laughed too hard" at a joke that he, himself, wrote. a switch in his head was flipped for whatever reason, and he decided that it wasn't worth the toil and the trouble to continue putting on the show.

my enlightenment to the notion of a white guy "laughing too hard" being too heavy a burden for a black comedian to carry has arrived in the last couple weeks. during that time, i've been watching season one of the boondocks. based on his comic strip of the same name, the boondocks is an animated tv show created by aaron mcgruder. in it we see the world of two black brothers, 10 year-old huey and 8 year-old riley, that live with their granddad who has moved them into an upper-class white neighborhood. racial tension, stereotypes and hijinks ensue, naturally. we see the action through the eyes of huey, a left-leaning, intellectual idealist (remember, he's ten) that lives in a world (and culture) that has not evolved in a way that he is proud of. although accepting and proud of his roots, he hangs his head in shame as he sees "his people" perpetuate conventions and patterns that "the white man" can use to keep "them" down. along the way of the show, the word "nigga" is thrown around like south park threw around "shit" in their infamous exercise in desensitization. hearing the "n" word thrown around like it carries no more weight than any other word is freeing, funny and kind of scary all at the same time. and letting the humor of this and other images like a pimp named slickback ("you've got to say the whole thing, like 'a tribe called quest'!!!") rise to my surface has called my inner racist into question. i enjoy the show. and i laugh out loud a couple times during every episode. but am i laughing at, as i think chappelle worried, "the stupid, funny black people" or am i taking the show and it's banter for what i believe the creator intends? that being a social commentary bent on breaking down stereotypes through levity and affecting positive change. to be honest with you, i really don't know.

nature has not born me with racist leanings, but i am sure my nurture has contributed to some degree. both of my grandfathers fell into the category of "blacks are pretty worthless". my grandmothers were and are more grown up about it. i've had several step-fathers that could take or leave black folks as fellow human beings. it just depended on their (the step-fathers) mood and what they (the black people) could do for them. and living in the south, i've run into more than my share of out and out rednecks that wished for blacks to somehow find their way off this island we call the united states. i have hoped that, as i've grown up, i have learned from all of the ignorance around me and spun those negatives into positives within the make-up of who i am today. but i will admit here, there are days in the store in the middle of huffman when something is stolen or a bad attitude is in full display that i can feel some primal part of me refusing to believe anything more than the act or the action is or was because "they are black." ludicrous and, again, ignorant considering that, when i remove myself from the heated situation and biased setting (considering 90 percent of our customers are non-white), i know "white" collar crime does far more damage to this country than petty crime and bad attitude that is more a reflection on life itself being shitty and having nothing to do with white and black.

i worry about this question, this "am i a racist?" question currently because humc is staging a deliberate march toward re-inviting the "community" back into our walls. and by community, i mean, of course, non-white people. i worry because i don't know if we are approaching the goal in the right way. i worry if we know what the goal truly is. if it's to create a loving and attractive atmosphere to all people of all races regardless of color, then sign me up. but if it's to obtain "non-whites" as if they were an objective because they live around the church and we are worried about our ever-shortening lifespan, then we will fail. are we, as a very white church, even comfortable enough to own our inner racists, break down the misinformed formulas in our heads and create the colorblind atmosphere that jesus has always intended? to that question, too, i answer "i don't know."

obviously, i don't want to be a white guy that "laughs too hard" at dave chappelle, the boondocks or anyone whose fortunes are not as blessed as mine. and on most days, i don't think i am. god help me on the days i am not so sure.