HOLY FUCK!!!
(it's a gun!)
((part two))
(clears throat) would all persons at this meeting whose foreheads have been pressed into with the business end of an ak-47 assault rifle please come forward? ...
anyone...
anyone?
it's not that i have been dodging the "should i cuss or not" question since i brought it up a couple weeks ago. to be honest, i have been waiting for something to happen to me that would allow my ridiculous argument of "why i should" to be placed in it's proper context.
sunday night, something happened.
so, if you would kindly humor me, good and righteous people of robinson springs united methodist church (just the douche-y ones that wrote their pastor on christmas day and told them that he shouldn't link his blog to one that contains dirty words...not the actual good and honest and human ones), please enlighten me to the "holier" words that you would have spoken aloud or in your heart if a crazy-ass pet store robber (one that was in your store only two weeks ago) places a military-issue assault rifle to your head and you were unsure of his intent to use it. in the same moment, you were unsure if you had seen your wife, your two daughters, your friends, your family that may or may not like you, your employees or any other person that shares this earth with you for the last time. what words would you have chosen to emote in this "somewhat unpleasant" situation? "fiddlesticks!"? "oh, poop!"? "dadblammit!"? "ah, pickles!"? something else? you tell me. i would love to be ingrained with something other than the words that i chose after the situation resolved itself. those words were "fuck me!", and "shit." among others. i called the criminals "cocksuckers." i called their mothers worse. i called their friends and anyone that enjoyed their company much, much worse (they, you see are part of the problem. the mother may have disowned the sons long ago, hence i let her off the hook a little bit.) in the moments that i realized that my life was spared for the second time in just over three months, in the moments that i was grateful that my assistant manager's life was spared for the second time in two weeks (!!!), i could not resist the temptation to projectile vomit towards the heavens words that made me feel better about my current situation. and so i did. loudly and with defiance.
not defiant towards god, mind you. i truly believe that god couldn't give a shit (gasp!!!) about the words that come out of my mouth minus if those words might cause one of my brothers or sisters "to stumble". do i admit that my potty-mouth may have affected someone, even some young one, in a negative way more than once? absolutely, i do. and that's something i am working on. but i'll get back to this in a minute. not defiant towards god, mind you, but defiant with the small hope that the two guys running away from my store could hear my cries of rage and with the small hope that they understood that they, themselves, would need god's assistance to rip me off their ass if we ever happened upon each other at a time they were not carrying a gun.
i grew up in homes where the "cuss" words i use today were used as perfectly acceptable nouns, adjectives and adverbs. not that i am trying to justify anything. i am just being forthright. i inherited my blue tongue quite honestly. you, whoever you are, may not have grown up in such a home. your home might have replaced my words with other words that you said when you were so pissed off that you wanted to throw your cat at a wall. but, instead of hurting one of god's creatures, you chose to yell at the top of your lungs, "PINEAPPLE CHERRYCAKES!!!" does that really make your choice of words any less offensive? really? if you use any combination of letters and guttural sounds to express your displeasure, even if they don't rhyme with "shit" or "piss", haven't you still lost control in some way? hmm....
i lose control in small ways all the time, in bigger ways sometimes and in big, nasty ways hardly ever. but in all three instances, i usually use some combination of these. if you don't? awesome. if you do? awesome. if it bothers you to see them here? turn me off. i am ok with that. if i offend off everyone that ever happens across this page, that is fine. i hope you enjoy your time here, but if not, it's not for you. turn me off.
i am a bruised, beaten-down, imperfect and, at times, very lonely man. this is my journey. this is part of my life, living for my god and my family, living for you to see. sometimes, i get mad. sometimes, i cuss. sometimes, i have good reason. sometimes, i do not. sometimes, i care. sometimes, i care not.
sanctification is tough for me. i bet it is for you too. i wish you well on your journey. and i wish you less well today, you ignorant pieces of shit that scared the piss out of me and my employees again sunday night, than i will tomorrow. that's how it works. each day you heal. each day you move forward. some days, bricks hit your ass in the face and knock you backward.
(cue allen iverson impression) words??? words??? we gonna talk about words??? you gonna question my heart in the game, man???? or you wanna talk about words???
question my words, you may. question my heart, you may not.
i will prove you wrong.
4 comments:
Jeeze Kevin I'm really worried about you with your work environment and all. How long are you going to work in Huffman with all this going on?
Hmmm. Although I have a strange preference of saving such words for extreme times such as your experience, you have correctly pointed out that words are not the actual issue. If I say "Cotton Candy" in rage, it is not as sweet. And previously innocent words have a way of evolving into more offensive words even when you try to substitute them.
People usually apologize for their language when they discover my church connection. To put them at ease, I have been known to tell them the "close the fucking door" story from Alicia's childhood.
Just out of curiosity - do many people pay with cash anymore? With credit cards and debit cards, is robbing a store as profitable as it was in the past?
All I gotta say is if I ever run across the dudes, there is one serious ball kicking coming to each of them.... Brothers look out for each other and damn it, if i have ot take up residence at night in the PSP parking lot with my Ruger I will. Oh yeah and to the people of Chris church that have a problem with him linking to a site with cursing.. I am a deacon in a church now hear me loud and clear!!!... go fuck yourself...
Kevin this is disheartening news, at best. How important is this job anyways? And what are your superiors doing about it? I think It's safe to assume that the police have been of little help to you and any apparent determination to help should be taken as a gesture only. You and your employees have the ability (and the legal right) to demand a safe working environment. If your employer is less than expeditious in his efforts to provide it, you must make it clear that this is not an issue that can be negotiated. Perhaps your employees feel the same way. If you are the manager, that makes you their leader and they will look to you for guidance. Stand up for them. Play hardball. Give your employer a deadline. Stick to it. If he tries to jerk you around, dont show up. Tell your crew not to show up. It's a gamble, but if you put your ass on the line for them trust me they will have a great deal of respect for you. Drastic times call for drastic measures my friend. You know the story about the frog in the boiling water? I think that is a suitable analogy here. Maybe my take on this seems a little extreme considering how I make my money, but then again I havent got a wife and family expecting me to come home every night. Love ya Bro.
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