"would a liar bring mini-mounds bars!!!"
/ throws mini-mounds bars at unsuspecting audience


if you haven't seen the office from last thursday, well, you should go to nbc.com and watch it. it was a nice back to normal after the wackiness (also very funny) of the post-super bowl episode. now a few days removed from watching it last week, i favor the episode even more than i did at the time. the scene from which the quote above is ripped was one of three or four times that i laughed out loud during the show (jim and dwight as party-planning committee co-heads was equally hilarious), but the scene resonates on a different emotional level to me this morning.

not surprisingly, i have been giving a lot of thought to this coming sunday morning. i am serving as liturgist during worship and it will mark the first time in, gosh, almost four years that i have stood in front of huffman's congregation as a member of a worship leading team. it's hard to believe so much time has passed. and it's hard to believe how much has changed.

a thousand things are scurrying through my mind as the day approaches. i am having to remind myself to calm down. i am having to remind myself that no one will really care about my being up there if i do the job right (the offensive lineman theory. if you do your job, no one will ever know who you are.). it's not like i am preaching. i am only filling a role that must be filled every week. welcome the congregation. read the psalter. do a prayer. smile. shake hands. throw mini-mounds bars at people as they are leaving in the hopes that they'll like the tragically flawed guy that probably stumbled over the epistle reading. right?

it's so silly to put so much weight into such a small thing, but i am doing it anyway. since i last stood in front of the congregation, this blog was born, and on it, i've been quite critical at times of how our worship leaders have handled their business. that being said, there was always somewhere in the back of my mind that i knew i'd be back up in the front, putting my own self and my own "performance" out there for anyone and everyone to judge as worthy or not. and here's the deal. i cannot freaking wait. not to be a part of the "show", but to be a part of something that i don't know if everyone that reads scripture or offers an intercessory prayer on behalf of someone else fully understands the magnitude of. and what, exactly, is the magnitude of it? well, it may just be the most important thing you ever do in your life. no pressure, right?

now, truly, if pastors and lay folks alike ever gave this idea true thought before worship began, there would likely be vomit all over sanctuaries everywhere. wrapping your head around the notion of being god's voice during a worship service is, as marty mcfly would most eloquently state, heavy. i've been sarcastic about the "report card" that churches grade themselves by over the last several weeks. enough examples of claimed professions of faith or rising or declining numbers have been brought up in and around meetings i've been a part of that i am beyond irked. no answers have i been offered to my rhetorical question of, "who, exactly, is keeping score?". thus, i'll move forward assuming no one really knows. and if that is the case, then all any god-fearing god-lover can hope for is to plant seeds, right? plant seeds in a way that show a life built in relationship with a god that loves us more than we can comprehend to be an attractive thing and not a necessary thing. let's face it, people. there are many on this earth that are not currently living their life with salvation from eternal separation from god as a goal. hell, it may not even be an afterthought at this point. so, what for them? scare them with stories of that separation not only being lonely, but one of torture and flames and devils? fuck that. that's not my bag.

my bag is understanding that i am only one human being, blessed with an idea that a relationship with god makes my relationship with you better. and i take that relationship very seriously. going a step further and leading you or anyone in a worship experience bent towards pleasing and building a healthier relationship with that god? christ. i don't feel very deserving of that request. my experience and my ability to read makes me cut out for the job, but for many years i have understood the magnitude of it. and the weight will, more than likely, give me a migraine the likes of which i haven't felt since chris perry and i left huntsville.

if "getting it", if feeling like i know how important everything that happens sunday morning in worship is, whether it's me up there or someone else, if that's a bad thing, then i don't want to be right.

i can't wait for the opportunity. and i can't wait for the headache.

if i am tucked into the corner of the cry room prior to the service, though, don't worry. i am just working some stuff out. i'll be fine.

i'll clean up the throw-up after the service.