500 posts of summer kevin
(a retrospective)
((hannah and caroline and me))
(((part forty-one)))


you've claimed to hate something, but for some reason you're drawn to it anyway. you've understood the logic, and yet you've hated it for the same logical reasons. you like to journal, or you did. but you don't anymore. you've had thoughts that ranged from the silly to sincere as to how people have journaled of and about you. you've been flattered. you've been mad. you've swore you'd get even. you've been proud that you didn't. and so here goes... -me, october of 2005

had you asked me on monday night, october 24, of 2005 if i thought the blog would have lasted over five years and five hundred posts, my honest answer would have had to be "no." i've never been known as someone that's stuck with something very long. aside from my family and, what, 3-5 long time friends, the only thing in my life that i've ever been able to throw myself completely into was church, specifically the seven year run when i served on the staffs of huffman united methodist or common ground.

i don't know that i would say that i am a flake in that regard. i've never been terrible at following through with commitments, per se, but to take on something like a blog, a hobby and time-killer in every sense of those words, and stick with it and the original vision through which it was created impresses me. it really does. i am proud of myself. it's a nice feeling.

as has been documented on this uniform resource locator(s) ad naseum, the genesis of this place was not complex. in the early and mid-2000's, social media was transitioning from niche to mainstream. every young person, seemingly, in my youth department had something called a livejournal or a myspace page that they would use to communicate either their angst or joy with their internet community. for the longest time, i was only an observer. the outlets, while frowned upon in general, were fascinating snapshots into the working minds of teenagers and college students that i held near and dear to my heart. they were conversations that our daily routines would never allow us to have one on one or in other more corporate settings. sure, sometimes they would lash out against parents or friends or others in their lives and, sure, some of it seemed to be done without regard for rational thought, but it didn't make any of the entries any less compelling.

at the time that hannahandme.blogspot.com was born, hannah was about to turn two. i could feel the beginning of the end of one era of my life happening and moving from being paid by a church to not being paid by a church felt like a seismic shift. sarah and i were growing busier by the second. the huntsville experiment would have been hard to make work without hannah in the mix. with a baby girl as part of the equation, it was nearly impossible. i started looking for and brainstorming my own not-so-private outlet. i've loved writing for a long time. i'd, at that point, built up enough passer-by experience with blogs and the like that i figured i could stumble my way through my own. wouldn't it be cool if i started writing things down so that somewhere deep into the future hannah (and now caroline) could be introduced to parts of her father that she may have never known? and so, it happened.

five years and five hundred posts later, HACAM (formerly known as HAM) is still running strong. not a day passes that i don't think about sitting down and writing something to my girls. unfortunately, not many days pass that afford me the disposable time to make that happen. my pace has slowed in the last couple of months, but i am hoping that the end of fall soccer means a little extra time to invest back into the blog. back into ongoing series like "to be or not to be" and "conversations with kathy" or ever-going series like "hannah and caroline and me".

to the handful of people that have been with me from the beginning and continue wasting their life by making this blog a part of your daily routine, i can't thank you enough. you know who you are. without your constant constructive, critical and supportive feedback, i would have probably hung this thing up the first time a united methodist pastor commented that he wanted to see me because of some jacked up opinion i shared "for all the world to see". "fear the community", anybody? :)

to the rubberneckers that have been handed a sheet of paper with my asinine reflections upon them and were forced to read them against your will because the department of homeland security demanded you to, i am sorry. and i agree with you. my existence threatens all of us, and i should be destroyed.

to those that i've hurt with my "potty mouth" or posts that obliterated some perception you had of me prior to your reading one out of the now 502 entries, that was not my intent. if i wanted to push your buttons, i'd kill one of your threads on facebook.

speaking of facebook, to those of you that have met us because i now shamelessly promote this place to 271 (and counting or subtracting...depending on who i pissed off yesterday) of my closest "friends", thanks for visiting. "pass some time" while your here. just don't expect anything that will add even one iota of depth to your life. remember, in the immortal words of the pearl and the jam, "this is not for you". pimp your blog on facebook, too. everyone is doing it, right? i'd love to read your thoughts.

to my brother, brian, that won't read something unless i text him asking him to, i love you. you are the third muse. every time i write something, i kinda hope you read it and wonder what you think. i wish i could see you.

to sarah, who got tired of me asking her "what did you think of the blog?" four and a half years ago, thank you for your support and i am sorry, more than anything, that people being little bitches about something i've written hurt you once, let alone the seventy-five other times.

and to hannah and caroline, well, here's a tip of the hat to the first 500. my labor of love has only cost me one kidney up to this point, and i do not blame that on you two. i love you both more than anything this world could ever offer me in return. i can't promise you that some slippery little misfit will never hurt you. but i can promise you i will call him a fucking douchebag on the internet when he does.

with love, daddy