when condescending turns to caricature


"growing up means...
watching my heroes turn human in front of me...
the songs we wrote at eighteen were shortsighted and naive...
so when the weather breaks, i'll pull my hoodie up over my face...
i won't run away...
as fucked as this place got, it made me me" -the wonder years

if i've been asked once, i've been asked fifty times, "why do you stay at huffman?"

i've had all sorts of different answers to the question. it always depends on what mood i am in, what's happened so far with my day, what day of the week it is, what the braves current record is, whether or not clay travis has put up a new picture of an alabama football star in what looks to be a compromising (if not shady as hell) situation. there are a lot of factors that go into answering any question ever, but some questions are more loaded than others.

"why do you stay at huffman?"

is the person asking the question genuinely concerned for my well-being? more importantly, might the person asking the question be genuinely concerned for my family's well-being, especially on emotional or spiritual levels? this person is asking because they just don't get it. they don't get how i can blog time after time about what i perceive huffman umc is lacking, time after time about being disappointed in something new or, more than likely, something old that continues to perpetuate itself into our future. they don't get why i haven't graduated to that next level, that level that tells every single one of us that the grass has got to be greener on the other side at some other church with much less familiarity and much less baggage and many more kids and cheesy contemporary worship and all that other stuff that makes church feel like a club and not a conviction. but they care. and that's all that matters. their question is loaded, sure, but it comes out of concern.

"why do you stay at huffman (with an understood, "goddammitt!!!" at the end)?"

is the person asking the question peeved with something i've done or said? does the person disagree with one of the opinions i've shared here on HACATLKAM? they ask it with a tone that implies they've figured out the answer to the questions i've been posing. they've figured out that i would rather be unhappy than happy. they've figured out i'd rather be unsatisfied than satisfied. they've concluded "you don't have to go home, but you've got to get the heck up outta here!" would be my best plan of action.

"why do you stay at huffman?"

this person doesn't go to huffman. all they've seen or heard of the place is from this blog, a blog that doesn't often paint us as a puzzle that has located all of her pieces (we're actively looking under couch cushions). this person maybe doesn't go to church at all, and doesn't plan on it. this person may be indirectly related to huffman through softball or basketball or bunko, but they don't care to get any closer than that, because they really like to sleep in on sunday mornings. this person doesn't really care about the answer as much as they are interested in where the conversation may go after we move on to baseball or politics or something less infuriating than church.

"why do you stay at huffman?"

this time, i am asking the question, but i am asking it to my friends wife "minions". i ask because i need honest answers and i need to know why we are so stubbornly masochistic.  i ask because they share a history with huffman umc, but they don't share my history, and they all have their own respective and equally fascinating reasons why they call huffman their home. some of them answer the question with answers you might predict. most of them are not so predictable. when i ask the question, i don't ask for reassurance. i don't need any reassuring. i do need help, though, to see the forest from atop different trees. changes in perspective can oftentimes lead to a change in strategy. changes in strategy can oftentimes change the game. indeed.

"why do you stay at huffman?"

i didn't. i left years ago. i have really fond memories that i will always carry with me and i will always wish the "left behind" my best and for their best.

"why do you stay at huffman?"

i didn't. i left years ago. "the youth group wasn't big enough anymore." "do we even have a children's ministry?" "seriously? a black preacher? what was the bishop thinking?" "seriously? a hispanic congregation? what was the senior pastor thinking?" "why don't they ever do liturgical dance?" "that one guy looked at me funny once?" "that lady leaves the service early." "all the old people remind me of death." "the new pastor is constantly reminding me of death." "that little boy cusses." "he's poison." "that other church has a petting zoo." "this one has a starbucks." "y'all do realize indoor plumbing has evolved in the last 140 years, right?" "what the fuck is limbo anyway?" "do you have exercise groups? they do." "do you have young married people? they do." "do you have rich people? they do." "wait, this is huffman, right? where are the black people?" "i have a passion for starting new churches." "new churches smell better." "new churches have flat screens." "mmmm...contemporary worship." "that church won't allow cell phones in worship, because god told them it was unacceptable. it's in the bible. retweet that, bitch." "i don't honestly remember why i came here in the first place."

"why do you stay at huffman?"

i didn't. i left years ago. they ruined me on the idea of church. i will always wish the "left behind" stay left behind. good riddance.

why do you stay at huffman?

it's a loaded question for sure. a different answer for every different day for every different person in our church. no right or wrong, which is the hardest pill for some to swallow. no black or white. no good or bad.

why do you stay at huffman?

or don't you?