you're the exception to my every rule


a lot has been made and shown and written lately about the idea of "body shaming".

making fun of or judging some part or all of a person's character by the way they look or how much they weigh feels like an exercise in laziness, at best, and an exercise in bullying at worst. no matter how aware our current culture is, sitcoms and movies still find comfort in the all too common trope of the fat guy or girl being the life of the party or the big butt of a joke, mainly because their loudness or clumsiness can be laughed at and laughed off because of their abnormal, relative to their co-stars, size.

the most eloquent deconstruction of the concept came from none other than a fat dude, louie ck, on his show earlier this summer.

and i get it, man, you know? i get it, but, at the same time, i don't get it.

i'm conflicted.

because i judge people by their size all the time.

now rarely, maybe never, have i or will i make fun of someone to their face. no way, man. not a chance. that trigger in my brain never fires, and i totally feel better about myself because i can't consciously remember ever slipping. i know, in my head, it's not my place to look at someone and tell them what to eat, how to eat, how not to eat, how they should exercise more or whatever other ugly thoughts pop into my head.

but just because no one is in the forest to hear it, doesn't a tree still make a sound when it falls?

i'm a fat-phobe, man. tried and true. i'm not coming out of the closet as such today. not by any means. it's documented on this very site. many times. here. here. and every other time i resolved with a list.

and so, today, i don't come here to apologize for my inner-most thoughts as much as i do to write them down for the first time in almost a year.

if there is one type of fat that confuses me moreso than any other, it's the "fat guy, skinny wife" thing that it seems the whole world perpetuates. by "whole world", obviously, i am being dramatic, but, seriously, how do fat guys get away with carrying 25 to 50 to 75 extra pounds in their necks and bellies while the female significant other destroys herself, her self-image, and her ability to enjoy life to portray a more socially accepted figure? it blows my mind some days. and pisses me off on others.

on some level, i understand more if both parties in the couple are a little overweight. i think there is something to the idea of being "fat and happy", at least in the sense that there is no reason whatsoever to go to the gym five days a week unless you are working towards a goal or you've been sentenced to do so by a doctor who fears for your health. eat breakfast, man. lunch. dinner. some fucking ice cream if you want to before you go to bed. if you are doing it together, then fuck the world. if only you are doing it while your wife is out running stadiums and eating salad with no dressing for dinner, something is off.

i wonder and fear not for the husband's health if they wear all the fat in the family. i wonder for the woman. like, what is it that is pushing them so hard to fit into the same size shit they wore in high school? is it society? is it that they wore husky as a kid and swore at some point in their life "never again!"? the worst thought i have, though, is that their male counterpart is the one applying the pressure. projecting their own ugly self-image onto the next best thing. preaching more than they practice.

"you're really gonna eat all of that?"

"you sure you need dessert?"

i see fat guys with their skinny wives and automatically think the worst. about the guy. about the relationship. about what message it sends to their kids.

"mommy, why are you always exercising and dad never does?"

i would never say it out loud. of course not. i wouldn't want to body shame any one to their face. i don't know their world. i don't walk in their shoes. i don't eat all their chocolate cake.

but i do wonder.

and i imagine those thoughts, in their own way, make a sound.