UNDER-WHELMING!!!

(clap, clap, clap-clap-clap)

it's what i get, really. i should've learned by now. and it works both ways. if i set myself up for something to be super-great, it will usually end up mediocre. if i spend way too much time dreading that something is going to be horrible, i am usually rewarded with the experience in question being less than loathsome. but, i haven't learned. and i let myself put too much stock into yesterday morning. in my head, i wanted our sunday school's meeting with the pastor to be more than it possibly could have been. sunday school is already short. we didn't have enough time to have a discussion. what we were given was a very gracious and humble pastor in our presence. what we were given were three or four anecdotes that were intended to give us an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny nugget of insight into the grand plan of huffman that we don't have a blueprint for yet. and i left. disappointed. again.

but i wasn't really disappointed in chris, more in myself for setting myself up for failure again. it bothers me when i make the same mistake over and over again. it seems to be an instinctual mistake. something that's wired into me. maybe it's like that for everybody. who knows. if it is, it could explain why we, as a church, continue to trip over our own feet over and over again. we don't mean to. we just can't help it. but, i can't believe that. i believe that i've conditioned myself into a bad habit. i don't smoke. i don't do drugs. my vice is to worry. what are you gonna do?

so, sure, i was underwhelmed by the experience. i think we all were. it's the first time since sarah and i rejoined the class that we've had perfect attendance. when chris walked in, it was like the principal had just interrupted class and we all piped down. we weren't talking about him, but i am sure it seemed that way. it's probably been that way with every class. well, most classes. hannah and her pre-school class probably didn't really give a shit unless he was giving out candy. i digress. we all were looking for something. and there is a small part of me that is sad that the very small, very time-constrained meeting with our senior pastor didn't foster more of a positive response. but, again, that's probably just a product of misplaced expectations.

"from the depths of despair (o, lord)", it seems as if the meeting might have fostered something more important. "hear my (our) cry (o, lord)", it seems that our class may be sending forth a collective prayer. what, in the moment, may have seemed like a letdown looks like it now could become something more. i will choose my words wisely, and i will try to govern my enthusiasm. but i think that, yesterday, our class may have turned a corner. not because of our special visit, but in spite of it. and that, my friends, gets a tired christian excited.

only god knows what we, as a collective sunday school and church, are capable of. for the first time in a long time, though, i can claim confidence as part of my artillery. when i am confident, i play a better shortstop. when i am confident, i play a better speaker. when i am confident, i play a better husband, father and friend. i have to believe the same can be said for playing a christian too.

attention, good folks of humc:

come december 2nd, things begin to change.