for a lack of better words


being home sick doesn't have many advantages. especially when i am home alone. the alone part, i am sure, plays better for the other parties involved in the house. i am atrocious when i am sick. i can't see past my own nose. i don't want to hear about your bad days or your tummy aches. it's all about me. each time i get out and away from a cold or stomach virus or sore back or whatever else has made me horrible to be with, i make a wish that i will be better the next time around. so far, that wish has fallen on deaf ears. i think i am getting worse. if there is one silver lining to take away from my short day at work due to sickness, it is that i get to bang out my list of resolutions for the year that will be 2009. as always, things will evolve over the course of the year and i will look back and wish i could add or subtract something, but for now, for this moment in time, these are some things that i hope to do or make better over the next twelve months.

1) be a serviceable lay leader - i know what you're thinking. serviceable? not exactly setting the bar very high, are we? and to an extent, i would agree with that sentiment. on the other hand, there will be all sorts of variables that come along with this position that are entirely out of my control, but the way my performance will ultimately be judged will have a lot to do with those variables. hence, the "serviceable" notion. resolution number one is also convenient because it covers the god angle that i started the list with last year. i don't suppose that i could even be halfway-serviceable if i weren't making the effort to keep my opinion of the Big Fella's grand plan in the forefront of my mind. so, that i will do and we'll see how the chips fall as we get a little farther into it. in theory, my role is loosely defined as to empower, encourage and support the laity of the church in accomplishing their goals as those goals concern the mission of our church. but what if our church doesn't have a mission? what if, like i mentioned a couple posts ago, i feel like we need to start trimming off ministries (that could still mean very much to the one or five person/people that are keeping the ministry afloat) and finding our church's rendezvous point? does this mean i shouldn't cast a critical eye towards the church in the same way i have the last three years? or should i just not cast it here for "the world to see"? all good questions. all something i am going to have to prayerfully figure out with some help from my friends. either way, i hope, come twelve months from now, i will feel good about my new role at huffman umc and i hope that i've served myself more than well with honest effort.

2) don't die - how i forgot to put this on my list last year is beyond me. i must have been feeling particularly spry on january 1, 2008. whatever the case was, i cannot tempt the fates for two consecutive years. not in a year when i hope to...

3) buy a motorcycle - this one may seem a little ridiculous to some, but believe me. it sounds no more ridiculous to you than it would have to me this time last year. so, where did it come from? well, my brother went and got a bike as soon as was legally allowed a driver's license back in the summer. and i have to tell you, it was the most magnificent thing i had ever laid eyes on. i don't know why. i can't really explain it. but as soon as he sent me the text with the picture of it, i have been pining ever since. nevermind that fact that he's already been in a wreck in which ligaments were ripped away from bone, among other horrifying things. i am certain i would not be so unlucky. because i don't have wrecks. brian's a walking accident ready to happen. always has been. i feel like my polar opposition to him in this regard totally works in my favor. so does having an uncle with a harley in his garage that now is aware of my want and will be "ready to ride" as soon as i obtain this resolution. after all, a car payment is coming off the books this year anyway. what are we going to do with all that extra money? i will cross my fingers that some may go towards a new, bike-ier payment.

4) speaking of my brother... - it didn't take long this christmas to feel like something was missing around the house, and it wasn't hard to figure out what it was. having brian home and healthy last year for christmas was the best christmas present one could ask for outside of xm radio, and i missed him terribly this year. i resolve to realign the universe in christmas of 2009 and find a way for us to be together again. if we find another opportunity or two over the course of the rest of the year, i could live with that too. maybe we could even ride bikes together. that would be "rad"! get it? rad? i've already got the lingo down. now, i just need the road rash.

5) don't get fat - that i've let this one slide down this far on the list is just asking for trouble and if you see me in a year with a swollen face and gut, you can remind me of that. i don't think it's that i've gotten cocky or too sure that it can't happen to me. i am just certain that if i ever felt myself leaning that way, i would just choose not to eat for a week or kiss a baby in the daycare with a stomach virus so that i may proceed with my annual to semi-annual throw-up-athon. really, until my back gives out and i can't find a way to exercise, this one is not gonna happen. that's not cocky. it's just a fact. but, it's gotta be on the list. don't wanna take things that are this important for granted.

6) handle hannah's transition to kindergarten with dignity and respect - again, this isn't as much about hannah as it is about me and my self-loathing. i am behind most of my friends in that they have already seen a child off to big school, but this will be my year. i am fairly terrified at the idea of hannah joining that club, but it's mainly due to the "christ. i am old." factor. hannah will be a champ. she's more than likely going to have lexie to help her through the transition and she's already a high-schooler in her own mind anyway. me, though? i like to think of her always being available to me to pick her up and dangle her and kiss her and be silly with her in public, but i know some of that will begin to go away when she enters the public and vicious arena of kids not thinking that shit is cool anymore. i won't lose her completely this year, but i am going to lose part of her. that makes me sad.

7) handle alabama's growing pains in 2009 with dignity and respect - ok. so, now that last season is behind us, it's time to be realistic about the team's prospects next year. they will be replacing a senior quarterback (admittedly, one i've always hated), a senior-laden line and a junior on that line that was the best college football player in the country. further evidence of this fact was presented last friday night. they lose their defensive captain, but i don't worry about that as much since rolo will be around one more year. they may be an underdog in the first game of the season for the second consecutive year and could very well lose to a pretty good virginia tech team that is bringing back just about everybody. our hopes will lay heavy on an unproven quarterback and even heavier on a star wide-receiver that is bound to see more and more double-teaming unless reuben randle makes his way to t-town. alabama could lose three games, easy, next year, and after having the bar raised this year, three losses is not going to sit well. if and when that happens, i resolve not to post something ridiculous about how god-awful they are and how i wish nick saban would go back to being a poor nfl coach.

8) be more intentional about finding time for friends - it's a shame about the ribs last year. it really was. but what was more of a shame was that it took the football season before andy, kiker and i could find time to hook up on any sort of regular basis. chris perry joked with me about never seeing him, and he's right. he's not that far away. taylor and i promise that we won't let 5 months pass between every time we hook up for good conversation and/or ping-pong. i get it. i know we are all really "busy" and that we all, well most of us, have kids now and they take a lot of time. good friends don't come along that often. and it doesn't always take a life-long one moving to atlanta and leaving your chapter in his life behind forever to make you think about it. good friends become good friends because you get something from them. and they from you. and when you don't have it, you miss it and you become a less happy person. if being around friends makes me a happier person, that doesn't mean that spending all my time around my family makes me unhappy, per se. it's just different. the relationships speak to different parts of who we are. not only should i try and spend more time with my friends, but i'll include in this one encouraging sarah to find more with hers. i can keep the girls without making an ass out myself. i know i can.

9) introduce other voices to HACAM - i've been threatening this for a while, but this year, i want to make it happen, for real. whether it be through guest-posters or maybe an interview series that i've been knocking around in my head, i would like the girls and for you to see a different voice and a different set of opinions here every once and a while. i think it's time to alter the dynamic and the feel of the site. we wouldn't want things to get stale. hey, speaking of stale...

10) don't let the church consume me - ten will make a nice round number this year, so i'll bookend the list with a reminder to myself of where i've been and what i have let happen before. i don't know how many times i've said it, but it's true. i had no idea how much time i gave the church and "the church" until i got away from being a paid staff person. i never knew how wonderful it was to have time with the family or time to be bored until i found my way to working 45-50 hours a week in retail. how silly is that? being at huffman wasn't a full-time job. it was more than that. it became a metaphor for who i wanted to be. in a way, i let it define me. and in a way, i was and am ok with that. but now that i know who i am, i can't let it swallow me whole again. throwing myself back into a "leader"ship role will require more time. i know that. but, it can't become an obsession. obsessions are unhealthy. i will try and keep it a passion and nothing more, so that i can live with the result of the effort without it destroying me if i fail. dramatic? maybe. honest? definitely.

so, there we have it. a laundry list of things i believe will make my life a better place. here's hoping that, by proxy, they may improve yours too if you'll have anything to do with me. you are certainly welcome and willing, as always, to point out my shortcomings and flaws, just so long as you are looking in the mirror while you're yelling.

good luck to all my fellow list-makers. may your years be ones that you are proud of.