two months in


we'll take a break from the "hannah and caroline and me" theme today and touch base on the church. it's been a while, not for a lack of things going on necessarily, but more for my own wait and see approach to the new year.

new committees are just now taking shape. persons rotate off at the end of every year while new personalities are helping to shift the direction of how each and every one of our committees choose to do their business. for those bodies that have seen changes in chairperson, it will probably take another couple of months and meetings for them to fully grasp what it is that they want to accomplish. things move slowly in a church. or they can. patience is not my greatest asset.

i will say this. being way more plugged in since the turn of the new year has given me a brighter perspective on where the church stands and is. i am sharing tables with people that all care for our huffman united methodist church. the depth to which they care is not really for me to judge. all are voicing their opinion and their perspective in their own ways. while most of the committees i serve have only met once, it would be unfair for me to draw incomplete conclusions just yet. all, individually, will hope to serve a greater purpose, whatever that ends up being.

what will that end up being?

change is afoot. you can feel it. there is a nervous energy (or, maybe it's just me) in all of the meetings i've participated in. the church, herself, is becoming more and more aware of how dire the financial situation is. as more information, bits and pieces at a time, is published for all to see, it will begin to sink in that significant changes will have to be made, across the board, in a unified effort to cut costs and responsibly distribute our resources in ways that we've never (and by never, i mean the last fifteen years) really paid much attention to. ministries will have to be cut, not in spite of the ministries themselves or the massive good they have done in the past, but because our available income and manpower will have to be reallocated to fewer and more focused ministries. we are not strong enough in our current situation that it is good enough to be able to see our fellow members separated, each, by 100 yards across the valley. we must now be close enough to holds hands. sure, our reach will not be as wide, but we will still have reach. we still have many hands.

it's a fascinating time, really, but, admittedly, also a stressful one. people are torn between the memories of our past and how we have "always" operated and the reality of where we are now. young people are torn between wanting the inherent perks of larger and more healthy congregations and the want to remain in some semblance of the church they have called home for years. others, not necessarily just our young people, are falling out of like with the idea of church on the whole, or at least the way our church has perpetuated that idea. others are tired. they don't want to talk anymore. "talking never changes anything." true, but only if you aren't having honest conversation. empty, mindless, pleasantry-filled talk never changes anything. you are right about that.

so, where are we?

stuck somewhere between hopeful and honest, not a bad place to be, but not the end of the journey either. i will admit, i am there too. i am happy to feel as if i've been a rational and honest voice thus far in my meetings this year. when i get home, though, i wish i didn't have to think quite so hard about it. it was much easier when things just "happened". it's funny. i do feel, at times, that there are some that think i am adversarial for the sheer sake of being difficult. that i think my ideas are the only ideas worth listening to. a pretty silly notion, but i do have to be aware that's it's there. who am i, anyway, that thinks that i can be a part of the solution to this problem that we have yet to fully nail down?

well, i guess i am whomever you want me to be as long at it helps you sleep better at night. dedicated and determined thorn in the side of emotion or rascally, relatively young whippersnapper full of cuss words and vinegar. it doesn't matter to me.

i'll hold hands with you either way.

two months in, we've still got a long way to go. we'll get more specific sooner rather than later.