hannah and caroline and me
(part twenty-eight)
((she did what?))


i told joseph as i was leaving lunch that part of my afternoon plans were to torture myself and watch the braves game. so far, not too much torture. they're up 4-0 and chipper's hit a home run.

what about schafer?

he still sucks. 0-2 with a(nother) strikeout so far. which means, even with a 4 run lead, i hate that i am watching this godforsaken game.

so, anyway, back to the blog.

this just in. hannah fishes.

she does what?

hannah fishes. and, if her story is correct, she is pretty good at it. last night as i was traveling back home from work, she debriefed me on her saturday in kentucky and she told me that she caught five "big" fish. i've yet to talk with mommy to confirm the story, but i can't think of a real good reason for her to have been lying. i could totally see her telling me that she had a good time even if she didn't. she's kind of wired now to answer every question we pose to her that starts with "how was your..." or "how did you like..." with "good." that being the case, i never really know if she actually had a good day at school or if she spent the entire day dreading telling mommy and daddy that she was sent to time out. she's manipulative that way. too bad for her that she also is branded with a seriously heavy and guilt-laden conscience. eventually, the truth will come out. it may be three days later in the middle of the night, but it will come out. and so, this time next week, she may tell me that she caught zero fish and hated every minute of it. i kind of doubt that, though.

the whole fishing thing is only further proof that hannah marie o'kelley is likely not my daughter. she dances. i make fun of people who dance (mostly because i can't dance). she tumbles. i can barely do a somersault without breaking something (even if i'm in the yard or a gym). she roared through her 4k graduation and ballet recital but couldn't handle even the first song during her church choir performance the same week (i was the king of the joyful noise children's choir for years. i did solos, baby!). she rubs the fact that she likes bratz dolls all up in my face (i am pretty sure those bratz characters represent every single thing that is wrong with this world). and now she fishes???

listen, i've made it clear that one of my most vivid and favorite memories as a kid was traipsing to east lake park with my granddad and brother. and most of those days, we fished. or they fished. i kind of sat on the side of the lake and threw rocks in, more than likely ruining any chance my granddad or brother had at luring a fish anywhere close to us. i am telling you, dude. fishing sucks. what is the point? you put a worm on a hook (gross). throw a line out in the water. feel better about yourself for tricking this fish that all he is is hungry into swallowing this worm that just so happens to be attached to this hook. the little bob thingy dips under the water, tipping you off to the action. you jerk as hard as you can, ripping that hook the fish just swallowed back up his food pipe and through one of his gills and then you drag the fish that just crapped his pants if he were wearing pants back towards you and away from wherever the hell this fish thinks he wants to go. you pull the fish out of the water. he begins to suffocate. and then the most generous of us toss the fish back in the water just before he can't breathe his last breath and start the routine over. i can't remember how young i was when the above scenario began to terrify me. i remember talking about it with my grandfather. usually over a catfish dinner.

what??? whatareyougonnado? catfish is awesome!

so, hannah's a fisherwoman now? add this to the list of things we don't have in common i guess.

thank goodness for caroline. she looks like me (i'm so sorry, caroline). she smiles like me. she loves to eat like me. and she's got a temper like me. she's like a baby, baby girl manifestation of every bit of angst that i hold inside of me. it is diabolical. and perfect.

thank goodness for the thought of her growing a little older and wanting to throw things and kick things or run or run over people. because, let's face it, i don't think my big girl has it in her.

so, where does this leave us, me and hannah?

well, in a comfortable place really. she's going to be that girl that does everything with or like her mom. she's going to shop. she's going to have a cell phone when she's six. she is going to chew bubblegum with her mouth open. and she is going to be smarter than everyone in the room. she's going to get along fine without me most of the time, and i can deal with that as long as i have one of the girls to do my bidding. when she's sick or when she needs to be carried or when she needs me to lift something, i'll be there for her. if she needs me to kick somebody's ass or threaten a boy, count me in. if she needs me to override mommy's first opinion that says she can't have dessert, check. i won't be living vicariously through her. i can just be her enforcer. her defender. her advisor. and her friend. for in spite of all of our differences, she will always have me around her finger. and she'll always be my baby girl.

she's just going to have find someone else to take her fishing.

update: braves are now up 9-0. medlen looks great. anderson finally hit a home run and i think i saw him smile. schafer's now 0-3, 2 k's. thus, i am not enjoying the game.