don't wake me just yet


i saw a comment on facebook (yes, THAT facebook) the other day made by a fellow church member. to paraphrase the comment, it was something along the lines that they believed the church (humc) was experiencing a "reawakening". i couldn't disagree more, but i am in love with the sentiment. and that, in and of itself, is cause for celebration.

tonight, i'll be a part of the first finance committee meeting following our "celebration" (pledge card) sunday. i've been quite nervous at the thought of how the events of late last year, leading into this one will affect our bottom line and how we operate moving forward. for better or worse, several "key" (read: affluent) former members decided to tuck tail and run away from what seemed very much like a (as described here) sinking ship. far be it from me to judge what i am sure were good and completely legit reasons (wink, wink) for doing so, the fact of the matter is that we will understand the financial toll of all the turmoil concerning our hispanic "ministry", blog-gate, and the departure of yet another pastor soon enough. how we react to the financial fallout will be far more telling than how we've recently dealt with the emotional blows.

how have we dealt with the emotional blows?

as i see it, fairly admirably. so, a pastor decides to leave (and make no mistake, this IS the correct choice of words). we see it as best for both parties, have a reception and wish him well. the next week, we meet his replacement. a humble individual that downplays his accomplishments and asks us to call him "brother". hmm. that's different. we wrap our arms around the change and let it happen in a very natural and non-intrusive way. hindsight being what it is, this accidental approach probably ended up being the best one.

as the transition approached, several of our members bought into using "the first 90 days" approach with our new pastor. making he/she aware of what he/she was getting into on many different levels, the new pastor would be, theoretically, much more prepared than the previous several with a working knowledge of what's been going on versus what we want moving forward. the question i was most looking forward to being a part of was the one that we will finally tackle tonight, "the situational diagnosis" conversation. the details and sub-questions of this particular conversation are fairly fascinating, but the long and short of it is this. accurately and honestly take a physical and spiritual inventory of your (our) church. right now. not fifteen years ago. not fifteen years from now. RIGHT. NOW. and right now, back in june, i was still ready for a fight. not a fistfight, mind you, but i was still quite sensitive to us being forced into another transition in the first place, let alone all the reasons for it. and i wanted to be in a room with all of the leaders in our church and call us ALL onto the carpet. this is the bed we made. not the weeds. not former disciples council chairs. not innocent bystanders. we, our church, humc did this. now, what are we going to do to fix it?

but, in this regard, the malaise that still covers our church to some degree played the calming presence opposite my wildly swinging in the dark protagonist. had we had the conversation immediately after harris' arrival, the intended consequences probably would not have taken hold. the church had just finished an active and subconscious (both at the same time) twelve round fight. we were tired. exhausted by the experience, adrenaline was the fuel that was keeping us on our feet. we were not a congregation that was full of energy, full of zeal, recharged and ready to connect with our community. we needed rest, to come to church and worship and study and fellowship and not worry about what sunday school class was ruining the world or who was running off whom. we needed a nap, and i am not terribly sure we didn't/don't need to hibernate. maybe we have been. and maybe advent will be our spring that allows us to go about our normal business and feel like a church again.

that sounds like a reawakening.

yeah, maybe, but to me it sounds like pushing the reset button. anybody that's played a videogame and is getting their ass handed to them by the computer knows what i am talking about. you shrug your shoulders, own the loss in its moment, get up off the couch and press "reset".

in my opinion, we are not reawakening. we are re-starting. we are much closer to a church plant that just so happened to start with between 200-250 active members and a flourishing daycare. we still don't know, know what we are doing in the middle of huffman yet, but we are almost healthy enough to figure it out.

almost.

tonight's finance meeting and "first 90 days" conversation will tell more about the story than this speculative post.

i'd like to think that i am right. i'll let you know soon if i am.