"you're the only person that knows about this"
(i haven't told this to anyone else)


how many times in your life has the above line been delivered to you? five? ten? twenty-five? that's probably the limit, right? unless you are paid to listen to people talk, there isn't a great chance that many people have told you their deepest and darkest secrets. there's an even better chance that you weren't the first to hear it if and when it ever did happen. and there's an even better chance that the above statement was further from the truth than alabama is from texas if it was delivered by one of your closest friends. welcome to human-ville.

...

i would probably say, "ten-ish".

that's how many times i would guess that someone has told me to hold onto one of their most emotional memories and keep it to myself. the vast majority of those instances probably occurred between 1999 and 2005 when i was the student director at huffman and, considering the intimate moments were being shared with me by young people that may have only been scratching the surface of their potential grip on their emotions, there was no way in hell i was going to break that confidence. what kind of scumbag would that make me? a pretty big dick of a scumbag is what. and so, to this day, i hold onto those thoughts, some secrets, some just...thoughts that i was flattered to hear and resolved to keep.

how well do you really know a person?

it all depends on your definition of "know". you don't know me. i don't know you. and we're all the better for it.

you talk about me and i talk about you, and, hopefully, in the normal run of things i give you the same benefit of the doubt that i wish you would give me.

maybe it happens. maybe it doesn't.

maybe you trust me. maybe i don't, you.

relationships are odd things and simple all at the same time. if you want to make it work, you make it work, whether it's friendship, family or something more. of course, the odd part is that every relationship takes something different to make it work. a different set of factors. a different side of your personality. a different group of experiences. a different set of circumstances. a different amount of effort. "all you need is love"?

bullshit.

all you need is you.

what if you are in it and i am not?

what if i am in it and you are not?

what then?

you drop it. regret. and turn up the blood brothers 'til time gives way to a brighter perspective.

or watch alabama football. or drink your night away. or read. or watch a movie. or have biased friends tell you biased things about how great you are and what a wretched pile of damaged trash he/she really is.

don't worry. it's not your fault.

i can promise you that it's him/her that is crazy.

feel better about yourself now. pick it up. move on.

it's not your fault.

rinse. repeat. why is this happening again?

because you are happening again. we aren't so enlightened. we aren't so smart. we are what we are. you got into this in the first place. so, where can i put my baggage? your place? great. i'll be eating your food.

this is the end.

"i need you like water in my lungs."

shut the fuck up.