a longform-ish take on the facebook worship thread


maybe sarah is right.

maybe i am just done with worship.

that was one of her takes on the terrific facebook thread that happened yesterday between humc current and ex-members on my status that read: "can't remember the last time i was in a sanctuary on sunday morning. june, work, and the falcons are the main reasons. i am not sure i've had such a stretch in the last 10 plus years. it feels weird, but does weird mean "i miss it" or just that i am out of my routine?"

facebook (and any social media) can be a nasty beast. all it takes is one outlier to take offense or throw a personal barb into the mix and the whole conversation goes to hell. fortunately, yesterday, that didn't happen.

i think some contributors took offense in a reasonable and healthy way. and i think others were defensive of their church or ex-church in a reasonable and healthy way. some did both. it was fantastic!

in my opinion, it is threads like yesterday that is what facebook does best. gather friends and family and acquaintances from around your church, city, state, country or globe and let them all talk to each other about something that may have been a spur of the moment idea or a long-festering pet peeve. for me, yesterday's original comment probably fell in the latter category.

i can be more direct here, because i was afraid if i were to be too blunt yesterday, it wouldn't have started a conversation as easily as it merely may have hurt feelings. hurting feelings was never my intention (i'm pretty sure i can claim that i have NEVER intended to hurt feelings on facebook, even though if i have, i will own it 100 percent and say that i am sorry.). rather than risk hurting feelings, i wanted to talk it out. thanks to those that participated and thanks to those that may have followed the conversation here.

over the last several weeks, i haven't missed worship.

to be clear, that's not to say that i haven't missed the people of huffman. i have. that's not to say that i haven't missed hanging out afterwards with whatever familiar faces are present to shoot the breeze and/or catch up. i have. that's not to say that i haven't missed lee garden or neighborhood or o'charley's or ruby tuesday or wherever we head after service to lunch. i have.

it's just that i haven't missed the worship service. and to be honest, i haven't looked forward to it in a long, long time.

i don't believe this is an indictment on the body of christ. i don't believe this is an indictment on our current set of worship leaders. i don't believe that my blase' attitude toward worship is an indictment on anything other than myself. me. ME. kevin michael o'kelley.

humc has had the same worship service for as long as i can remember. for many, the routine and tradition of the elements that we recite and repeat week after week are cherished and held dear. for me, the repetition of it all has grown tiresome. predictable. boring at times.

don't get me wrong. there are exceptions, of course. if hannah is participating in something, i'm all over it. occasionally we'll sing a hymn i love. during those, you'll catch me singing loud and singing proud. if every sunday was vbs sunday, it would make my year. then again, if every sunday was vbs sunday, there would be some in our (and every) congregation that would withhold their tithe as ransom to make it stop.

unfortunately for me (just me, ME, kevin michael o'kelley!!!), that's kind of the list.

outside of those exceptions, there isn't really a part of our worship service that i can't get somewhere else in a more fulfilling way.

people that know me know that i am a big "journey" guy. i am about the road we take, the path we forge, the foundation we lay as we question and attempt to understand "that which is greater than ourselves." insomuch as what we can accomplish in the span of an hour or so in humc's sanctuary, the directive has to be much more narrow. we are a christian community of faith. that is a fact. i am not trying to push back against what has been established. i understand the establishment. i understand our structure. i pledge to support it in many, many ways. it's just not, how do i say this..., fun. to me. ME. kevin michael o'kelley.

maybe fun's the wrong word. engaging? relevant? creative? interesting? fluid? dynamic? flexible?

yeah, yeah. all of those.

in our worship service, the journey has found its destination. that destination is jesus. the theme then concerns how can we be more like jesus. or how do our worship leaders and message-deliverers best see fit to interpret our role in the great commission. it's been settled. tradition-ed. established. and that is fine for many of our members. i just don't know if it's fine with me. ME. kevin michael o'kelley.

here is where my personality causes tension in others i presume. and i only presume it due to the defensive way i or some of the things i have opined have been received over the last however many years. i respect brother harris. i respected reverend denson. reverend lee. reverend owen. reverend rutland. all of them. i do. or did. but, in my opinion (me. ME. kevin michael o'kelley), they are only men. just like me. just like you. hearing "the word proclaimed" makes me cringe. i find myself wishing every statement delivered from the pulpit be issued underneath neon lights that loudly qualify "THIS IS ONLY WHAT I THINK. I ACTUALLY HAVE ZERO IDEA HOW ACCURATE ANY OF MY DIRECTION IS."

but it's not. that's not how our (and most) christian worship services are structured. our pastors are our appointed "experts", called by god to deliver direction and advice on christian living to his/her fold. the rest of the service, in theory, reinforces the message in different but the same ways every week. se-cond verse, same as the first. i'm henry the viiith i am, henry the viiith i am, i am...

that structure. that construct. those routines. they are not relevant to me. ME. kevin michael o'kelley.

but herein lies the crux. i could argue (i won't today) that it is not just kevin michael o'kelley that feels this way. our numbers, while not the most credible indicator or spiritual health, continue to drop, drop, drop. we are losing members faster than we are gaining new.

is this because one lonely, little man has, on occasion, been critical of his church and her leaders and that one lonely, little man's "bad" attitude has infected his church like a virus that we can't recover from?

or is there something more to it?

is something...missing.

truth be told, those "left behind", like myself, are probably not the ones to ask. as evidenced on the facebook thread yesterday, the "left behind" are now dug deep into our foxhole. we aren't coming out. we are going to see this through to the end, even if the end doesn't paint itself as very attractive, painless, or completely within our control.

no, i wish we could talk, in an honest and cooperative way, to those that are no longer there. to all of those that were there in the pews celebrating the tradition of huffman on our 140th birthday and then weren't there the next week. it would be a fascinating picture into what might have been, wouldn't it, if we would have been able to talk to them before they left, answering their personal and unique questions of "how do you justify leaving your church home that you pledged to support with your prayers, presence, your gifts and your service? what is missing?" before it was too late?

it's too late to do that now. but it speaks to what i've been struggling with for years now.

if the worship service is the driving force of your congregation (make no mistake, in most churches, it is), and i am not attracted to the service, itself, what then?

it was rightly pointed out yesterday that, as humans, we condone and support our friends and family getting out and away from hurtful personal relationships. we support our loved ones when their current job has run its course and they look for a fresh start.

consider walking away from a church home, though? baby, we attack!

"you just aren't trying hard enough!"

"where is your loyalty, man?"

"remember that time you got up in front of the congregation and said 'i will' to all those questions? well, what's wrong with you??? do it! you pledged you would!"

"oh, they were just looking for a way out anyway. forget them."

nice, right? we can be pretty awesome at being "christian" sometimes.

and so, then, what now for me? ME? kevin michael o'kelley?

i don't know, dude. i am one of the ones in the foxhole. as long as i get my limbo fix and find my way around my friends every now and again, i'll be fine. at the same time, i am still not jazzed about the next time i'll be in the sanctuary for worship.

like i said, i think that's an indictment only on me. ME. kevin michael o'kelley.

i think.