"i'd carve out my lungs, and it's all just to see you again..."
the last last
(note: quote doesn't really have anything to do with the blog. it's just a line from a saves the day song i can't get out of my head and don't want to at this point.)


barring one final trip to clean up a little and turn in my apartment keys, my time in huntsville is now over. i am still a little surprised at the range of emotions that i am currently going through. happy to be home. sad to not have a service to lead next week. happy for no more commute. sad for the loss of quality cd time back and forth on 65. happy that things are back to normal for my family. sad not to have an excuse to play and sing for the forseeable future. happy for easter. sad for the same.

it's a little misleading. easter. the celebrating doesn't last long. just an hour. a day if your lucky. the shine definitely wears off in a week when the sanctuary isn't nearly as full the following week. what happened to all the people? what happened to the happy? what happened was the same as any coat of wax. in time, the weather reveals the greasy, faded, scratched up surface underneath and things are back to normal. normal is what i am good at. what we are good at. right? the same cup of coffee. the same walk around the block. the same route to work. the same disgust for the co-worker that breathes too loud in the next cubicle. the same being pissed-off at the person next to you that "can't drive". the same tv shows. the same worry. the same bills. the same customers. second verse. same as the first. sing if you'd like. sit if you'd rather. don't rock the boat. don't make eye contact. don't say you're sorry. you're never wrong anyway.

so what?


character is revealed in "the same". the more your life doesn't change, the more it doesn't matter. the more it stays the same, the more you have to regret. the more you stay the same, the more boring you become.

and that's why i went to huntsville. that's why, even though it was only eight months, my life will never be the same.

easter is the same every year. the same service. the same message. and the comfort in knowing what to expect is exactly why everyone wakes up early and puts on the fancy clothes. next week, though, could be different.

if i let it.

i will.

will you?