guess who's coming to dinner?
(hannah and me, part nineteen)
to some of you, this may be news. to some of you, it is not. or, it's old news. either way i guess it's news. but the point is this. as i type this, somewhere is tuscaloosa, sarah is carrying our second child. she has been serving as such a vessel now for around ten weeks, and "the word" is starting to leak out. when she intially made me aware that there was something afoot (right before christmas), we mutually decided that it would be best to wait a few weeks before making people aware of the occasion. for a few reasons we decided this. one, it was just early. we had not heard a heartbeat. we didn't know for sure that there was only one. among others. as of a week ago friday, we now have seen the little peanut. and we have heard the heartbeat. and we know there's only one. and, so, now we invite all of our family and friends to place the little parasite on your prayer lists. i am having a hard time not wishing this time for a little boy. hearing kiker and andy talk of the impending little league season makes me want for a little boy to mold, but i know in my heart of hearts that my world is perfect now being the father of a beautiful little girl. would it not be even more perfect if there were two? we will find out what to prepare for soon enough. for the time being and the last few weeks, i have thought a lot about how my and sarah's life will be altered with another child added to the mix. the following is a somwhat premeditated, somewhat off the cuff list of things that i am thinking about as it relates to hannah's younger brother/sister...
1) i wonder what i'll do with the url address of this blog. this may seem a trivial place to begin this list, but these are the types of things i think of. hannah and me just rolls off the tongue. but if i don't include the new child somehow, jealousy will ensue and that could very well be the harbinger of hannah waking up years from now with her eyes glued shut. steps will have to be taken to avoid this.
2) will the new child like me? i've grown on hannah by this point, but i do wonder which child will end up being the "daddy's girl" or the "momma's boy" or the "boy that doesn't like football" or the "girl that hates her mommy". hannah hasn't yet shown a lean toward either of us, but when there is competition in her own house for attention, lines will be drawn and sides will be chosen. hopefully, i get the more athletic one and sarah gets the one that throws like a girl (or is a girl, or both).
3) i wonder what diapers are like. how quickly i have chosen to erase this part of hannah's history from my memory. diapers and pull-ups are freakin' disgusting. i mean, really?!?! who craps their pants??? granted, sarah will tell you (and be right) that she changed the lion's share of the diapers, but i remember them enough to know that i didn't like them. maybe this one will come out like a kitty. we'll just show him/her the toilet when we get home from the hospital and not have to worry about diapers at all.
4) i wonder how soon we'll stop asking each other if "we are ready to have have two children". we keep hearing how the biggest adjustment parents have to make is the leap from one to two kids. why? wouldn't the biggest leap be from zero to one? i mean, we've done it all before. it's like the song henry the 8th. second verse, same as the first, right? right?
5) i wonder what it'll feel like for sarah to be pregant on august 10th (due date is aug. 30th) when it's 96 outside and the heat index is like 110. man, that'll suck for her.
6) i wonder how i got to be this lucky and not have to be pregnant or have "times of the month". that is pretty awesome for me.
7) i wonder how weird it'll be to have to go the the "Y" to work out since my workout room will soon be a nursery. i haven't participated in communal workouts since high school, and they weren't very fun then. since in trussville people never really grow out of high school, this is, also, not going to be very fun.
8) i wonder if the new kid will be as cool as hannah. sing fiona apple and kanye west and the format in the car. pick up curse words from his/her dad. own her daycare class. ice-skate in the living room. have rhythm.
9) i wonder what the new one will call marie. it'll have to be maine, right?
10) i wonder if granddaddy and nana will come to this one's birthday parties. i wonder if they'll even be invited.
11) i wonder what it'll feel like to feel my heart grow for this one like it did for hannah. i can't wait for that.
12) i wonder if hannah will realize that babies aren't as durable or flexible or tolerant as kitties.
13) i can't wait for hannah to be a big sister.
hannah, what in the world are we going to do with you? this new arrival is not going to be nearly the culture shock to mommy and daddy as it will be to you. things will be different, but things will be the same. nothing can or will happen that will change you being our first. our baby girl. i'll love our little boy/girl just as much as you, but my string will always be wrapped around your finger. this is going to be fun. and we can't wait to share our new adventure with you.
"i'm henry the 8th, i am. henry the 8th, i am, i am. i got married to the widow next door. she's been married one time before...
second verse! same as the first!"
Monday, January 29, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
mark gottfried's "star theory" applied in general
it pains me to write about alabama basketball. it really does. writing anything usually brings me great pleasure, but talking about alabama basketball usually brings me great heartache. "why?", you may ask. aren't they in the top twenty? yes, yes they are. but that's all they'll ever be, because to reach the highest levels of basketball, your coach has to be able to coach, not just recruit. and believe me, mark gottfried can recruit. rod grizzard, gerald wallace, mo williams, kennedy winston, ronald steele and richard hendrix all have come through tuscaloosa during his tenure. all of them top 50 players in the nation. all of them lacking two things. a guy behind them threatening to take their playing time away. and a coach that can coach.
alabama got raped on the road again tuesday night by a good but not great auburn team. each of their four losses this year have been on the road to good but not great teams. in each loss, they have given up a minimum of 81 points. this tells even a casual fan that the defense is lacking. talk radio was aflutter yesterday with questions of "what is wrong?" with alabama. every game you watch, you hear about how "wonderfully talented" their starting five is. every game you watch, you see this "wonderfully talented" starting five playing very soft defense. the best theory i heard yesterday evolved into what i now will call mark gottfried's "star theory". he has been content over the last nine years to go after one stud guy per year in recruiting, and it's paid off. but if you look back at his classes over the last five years, you see one guy that has stuck around and played, and the others realizing that they will be sitting the bench and leaving for playing time elsewhere. i wrote about one of these cases this time last year. what this has left alabama with is zero depth and zero accountability. the "wonderfully talented" starting five knows that two true freshman and a crappy back up point guard are the only guys waiting to come in off the bench. would they give more effort? maybe, but at this point in all three of their careers, they aren't going to do anything to change the results of these sec road losses. and so alabama is stuck. no depth. no competition for playing time. no motivation to play harder on defense because you know you aren't coming out of the game. no accountability. and thus, alabama may be headed to the nit this year with a starting five "wonderfully talented" enough to make a run to the final four but one without spine.
i think we all can probably relate to the "star theory". we've all worked or known people that are in certain positions, whether it be at work, church or at the country club that take their positions of power for granted. they know that there aren't any "real" consequences for their performance not being as good as it could be if they gave their all. what happens to a church pastor that is losing numbers or young families if the "old money" is still keeping the budget where it needs to be to coast? not much. what happens to a store manager that feels like his job is safe even though his employees are begrudgingly doing the lion's share of the work? nothing. what happens if you are an incredibly incompetent children's minister at a baptist church in pinson that sucks up to the right people? you get a raise.
the "star theory" is tough to deal with. especially if you feel like you are giving your all and still being shit upon. whether that shit is not moving up the ladder as fast as you would like, or being frustrated when you see something that used to be great not living up to it's true potential or if you are a fan and don't have your team of choice playing hard when they are getting to travel the country and a free education for playing a game.
what we do with that frustration, though, will always help to define us. we could give up. become apathetic and miserable. convince ourselves that we are destined to be unhappy for the rest of our waking lives.
or we can fight. become more passionate and invested in that church you love. keep working harder than everyone else and know you will reap the rewards soon enough. keep rooting for alabama basketball so you can stand at the front of the line when they make those oh-so-special runs to the elite eight.
for the moment, i choose to fight.
it pains me to write about alabama basketball. it really does. writing anything usually brings me great pleasure, but talking about alabama basketball usually brings me great heartache. "why?", you may ask. aren't they in the top twenty? yes, yes they are. but that's all they'll ever be, because to reach the highest levels of basketball, your coach has to be able to coach, not just recruit. and believe me, mark gottfried can recruit. rod grizzard, gerald wallace, mo williams, kennedy winston, ronald steele and richard hendrix all have come through tuscaloosa during his tenure. all of them top 50 players in the nation. all of them lacking two things. a guy behind them threatening to take their playing time away. and a coach that can coach.
alabama got raped on the road again tuesday night by a good but not great auburn team. each of their four losses this year have been on the road to good but not great teams. in each loss, they have given up a minimum of 81 points. this tells even a casual fan that the defense is lacking. talk radio was aflutter yesterday with questions of "what is wrong?" with alabama. every game you watch, you hear about how "wonderfully talented" their starting five is. every game you watch, you see this "wonderfully talented" starting five playing very soft defense. the best theory i heard yesterday evolved into what i now will call mark gottfried's "star theory". he has been content over the last nine years to go after one stud guy per year in recruiting, and it's paid off. but if you look back at his classes over the last five years, you see one guy that has stuck around and played, and the others realizing that they will be sitting the bench and leaving for playing time elsewhere. i wrote about one of these cases this time last year. what this has left alabama with is zero depth and zero accountability. the "wonderfully talented" starting five knows that two true freshman and a crappy back up point guard are the only guys waiting to come in off the bench. would they give more effort? maybe, but at this point in all three of their careers, they aren't going to do anything to change the results of these sec road losses. and so alabama is stuck. no depth. no competition for playing time. no motivation to play harder on defense because you know you aren't coming out of the game. no accountability. and thus, alabama may be headed to the nit this year with a starting five "wonderfully talented" enough to make a run to the final four but one without spine.
i think we all can probably relate to the "star theory". we've all worked or known people that are in certain positions, whether it be at work, church or at the country club that take their positions of power for granted. they know that there aren't any "real" consequences for their performance not being as good as it could be if they gave their all. what happens to a church pastor that is losing numbers or young families if the "old money" is still keeping the budget where it needs to be to coast? not much. what happens to a store manager that feels like his job is safe even though his employees are begrudgingly doing the lion's share of the work? nothing. what happens if you are an incredibly incompetent children's minister at a baptist church in pinson that sucks up to the right people? you get a raise.
the "star theory" is tough to deal with. especially if you feel like you are giving your all and still being shit upon. whether that shit is not moving up the ladder as fast as you would like, or being frustrated when you see something that used to be great not living up to it's true potential or if you are a fan and don't have your team of choice playing hard when they are getting to travel the country and a free education for playing a game.
what we do with that frustration, though, will always help to define us. we could give up. become apathetic and miserable. convince ourselves that we are destined to be unhappy for the rest of our waking lives.
or we can fight. become more passionate and invested in that church you love. keep working harder than everyone else and know you will reap the rewards soon enough. keep rooting for alabama basketball so you can stand at the front of the line when they make those oh-so-special runs to the elite eight.
for the moment, i choose to fight.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
the children's place
(if by children you mean children of low to middle-income families that don't expect too much attention, too many state-of-the-present educational tools, 21st-century-looking classrooms or teacher-to-child ratios that fit within dhr standards)
(hannah and me, part eighteen)
i am something of a reactionary most of the time. i don't really see this as a fault as much as i do the product of not wanting to worry about any little thing all of the time. what could happen is something that i will think about, but never obsess over. could i die in a car wreck from not putting my seatbelt on when traveling across a parking lot? well, yes, i guess i could. most likely, it's not going to happen, so i don't worry about it. could i be less sore after a softball game, basketball game or football practice if i stretched beforehand? sure i could, but the sore isn't too inconvenient, so i usually don't. could i be taken over by the impulse to rob a bank on my way to work this afternoon? i most certainly could, but my lack of forethought in not having a ski mask packed away in my glove compartment and/or my lack of owning any weapon threatening enough to rob a bank with will save me from years of imprisonment. now there are exceptions to this rule, but that is a subject for another post when the exception proves relevant to being written about.
sarah is different. she is worried all the time. what could happen will keep her up at night. sometimes, such as in arguments over wearing a seatbelt in the parking lot, this drives me crazy. there are other times, though, that her worry makes sense. case in point. yesterday, i picked hannah up from daycare and her classroom was like a scene out of any movie you can think of where there is one parent/teacher/guardian repsonsible for too many children and are obviously in over their heads. right now, i am thinking of kindergarten cop. the teacher knew she was in trouble. she was serving as potty patrol for one kid. a jungle gym for another. and a handwasher for another. all at the same time. meanwhile, one of hannah's friends is tying something around hannah's neck. she isn't hurting hannah. so, i don't really think anything of it. i make a comment to kearra that she looks like she has her hands full. she tells me that she is currently watching 15 kids. by herself!!! i thought, "man, that sucks for you." and hannah and i headed home. not until i told the story to sarah last night did i think anything of it. the kids seemed ok. no one was bleeding. the worst case scenario didn't seem to be playing itself out. i am cool. well, of course, sarah freaks out. she gets online and sees that, according to dhr rules, hannah's class yesterday afternoon seems to be breaking 90 percent of them. turns out, according to a conversation sarah had with her teachers this morning, that the teacher-to-child ratio in her class is supposed to be 7 to 1. yikes.
so, what do we do? what do i do? the children's place (our church's daycare and hannah's daytime home since she was a baby) has struggled mightily in the last couple years. they don't have the budget to hire capable people, so turnover is always high. when they find a diamond in the rough, they don't have the money to keep them. and because they are always shorthanded, the dependable teachers are always left to cover for others by pulling shifts longer than they should. even people that love kids need a break and they all have a breaking point. i walked by the baby room last week and saw the interim director sitting in a rocking chair with her eyes closed. did it strike me as odd? kind of, but there weren't any babies screaming, so i am sure she just wanted to find a quiet place to get away for a minute.
the children's place, much like humc on the whole, has been floating by on reputation for years now. i know this. sarah knows this. any long time member of the church must have an idea. but the worst case scenario hasn't played out, so why worry about the slipping quality if you are still bringing in kids and money and parents that don't know any better. well, the answer is easy. with the children's place and the church. what's the old saying? "if you aren't moving forward, you are moving backwards." something like that. and people that care about not moving backwards, people that care about the well-being of their children are not so naive to believe that the worst case scenario will not, one day, play out. and so the aware and the enlightened parents will move on. many already have. there are only a couple kids, hannah's age, that are left at the children's place. most have seen the flaws and moved on to daycares that make them feel safe. places that make them feel that the worst case scenario has a far greater chance of not happening than happening.
we have stuck with the church and daycare out of loyalty and love. it is our home. these people. these pastors. these teachers are our family. but hannah's physical and spiritual well-being coming into question changes things, doesn't it?
i may be the yin to sarah's yang when it comes to worry, but in this case, hannah's case, i am on board with her. things have to change.
for the better.
(if by children you mean children of low to middle-income families that don't expect too much attention, too many state-of-the-present educational tools, 21st-century-looking classrooms or teacher-to-child ratios that fit within dhr standards)
(hannah and me, part eighteen)
i am something of a reactionary most of the time. i don't really see this as a fault as much as i do the product of not wanting to worry about any little thing all of the time. what could happen is something that i will think about, but never obsess over. could i die in a car wreck from not putting my seatbelt on when traveling across a parking lot? well, yes, i guess i could. most likely, it's not going to happen, so i don't worry about it. could i be less sore after a softball game, basketball game or football practice if i stretched beforehand? sure i could, but the sore isn't too inconvenient, so i usually don't. could i be taken over by the impulse to rob a bank on my way to work this afternoon? i most certainly could, but my lack of forethought in not having a ski mask packed away in my glove compartment and/or my lack of owning any weapon threatening enough to rob a bank with will save me from years of imprisonment. now there are exceptions to this rule, but that is a subject for another post when the exception proves relevant to being written about.
sarah is different. she is worried all the time. what could happen will keep her up at night. sometimes, such as in arguments over wearing a seatbelt in the parking lot, this drives me crazy. there are other times, though, that her worry makes sense. case in point. yesterday, i picked hannah up from daycare and her classroom was like a scene out of any movie you can think of where there is one parent/teacher/guardian repsonsible for too many children and are obviously in over their heads. right now, i am thinking of kindergarten cop. the teacher knew she was in trouble. she was serving as potty patrol for one kid. a jungle gym for another. and a handwasher for another. all at the same time. meanwhile, one of hannah's friends is tying something around hannah's neck. she isn't hurting hannah. so, i don't really think anything of it. i make a comment to kearra that she looks like she has her hands full. she tells me that she is currently watching 15 kids. by herself!!! i thought, "man, that sucks for you." and hannah and i headed home. not until i told the story to sarah last night did i think anything of it. the kids seemed ok. no one was bleeding. the worst case scenario didn't seem to be playing itself out. i am cool. well, of course, sarah freaks out. she gets online and sees that, according to dhr rules, hannah's class yesterday afternoon seems to be breaking 90 percent of them. turns out, according to a conversation sarah had with her teachers this morning, that the teacher-to-child ratio in her class is supposed to be 7 to 1. yikes.
so, what do we do? what do i do? the children's place (our church's daycare and hannah's daytime home since she was a baby) has struggled mightily in the last couple years. they don't have the budget to hire capable people, so turnover is always high. when they find a diamond in the rough, they don't have the money to keep them. and because they are always shorthanded, the dependable teachers are always left to cover for others by pulling shifts longer than they should. even people that love kids need a break and they all have a breaking point. i walked by the baby room last week and saw the interim director sitting in a rocking chair with her eyes closed. did it strike me as odd? kind of, but there weren't any babies screaming, so i am sure she just wanted to find a quiet place to get away for a minute.
the children's place, much like humc on the whole, has been floating by on reputation for years now. i know this. sarah knows this. any long time member of the church must have an idea. but the worst case scenario hasn't played out, so why worry about the slipping quality if you are still bringing in kids and money and parents that don't know any better. well, the answer is easy. with the children's place and the church. what's the old saying? "if you aren't moving forward, you are moving backwards." something like that. and people that care about not moving backwards, people that care about the well-being of their children are not so naive to believe that the worst case scenario will not, one day, play out. and so the aware and the enlightened parents will move on. many already have. there are only a couple kids, hannah's age, that are left at the children's place. most have seen the flaws and moved on to daycares that make them feel safe. places that make them feel that the worst case scenario has a far greater chance of not happening than happening.
we have stuck with the church and daycare out of loyalty and love. it is our home. these people. these pastors. these teachers are our family. but hannah's physical and spiritual well-being coming into question changes things, doesn't it?
i may be the yin to sarah's yang when it comes to worry, but in this case, hannah's case, i am on board with her. things have to change.
for the better.
Friday, January 12, 2007
can "h" stand for hispanic and huffman at the same time?
(now that it's not hearsay, here's what i say.)
my brother-in-law, joseph. most of you know him. i love him to death. he recently took a hiatus from my world of retail pet supplies to focus on being a senior in high school. fair enough. no one will hold that against him. joseph used to play a huge role in the youth department at huffman united methodist church. present at every event. vocal in every discussion. vital to the creative process of many a program. even after i went away, joseph stayed true to his church and his youth group. then something funny happened. his church and his youth group didn't stay true to him. joseph got a job. joseph got a girl. joseph got to get ready for college. schedule fills up. church attendance drops a tad. naturally, rumors start to fly. for some reason, unbeknownst to me, the rumors turn towards being mean and, naturally, rumor-liscious. two friends of mine happen upon the youth director at huffman not too long ago. the youth are practicing for their christmas program. the two wonder out loud to the youth director where joseph is. they are told something along the lines of. 'he is not around anymore.' 'he spends a lot of time with his girlfriend.' 'i've heard she's a wiccan.' ..............
wtf? did i hear that right? let's remove the content of the mudslinging from the discussion. but did you just tell me the youth director of a (my) church dragged an eighteen year-old's (and his girl's, mind you) name through the mud in order to redirect the attention away from the fact that joseph (who has been up until recently a prominent member of this group and church for the last five plus years) isn't there practicing?
hol-y. shit.
fast forward to yesterday. i get an e-mail from donna letting friends and folks know that her position as pastor of young adults has been eliminated. that there are rumors (rumors, granted.) circulating that the about to be vacated children's director position will not be filled either. this e-mail comes four days after the congregation is told that for the first time in three years the staff will be able to be given raises due to the budget surplus and (naturally) their outstanding performance. ouch, babe. if only i knew that the path to financial success would be to stay at huffman, keep pissing off parents, losing numbers, alienating veteran members, repainting the youth center, locking up early, dumping the youth choir, taking off my shoes and spreading rumor and innuendo, shoot, i would have treaded water there for as long as i could. screw chris and his money pit of a church plant. right, chris?
and so, here i sit. wondering what's left. my heart keeps telling me that huffman is worth my heartache. my worry. my silly rants. but moreso than ever, my mind is telling me something completely different. maybe the staff cuts are part of a larger picture. maybe more money and focus will now be poured into the hispanic community. it will be our effort to make "h" stand for huffman and hispanic at the same time. maybe that was charles lee's biggest gaffe. he didn't realize that "h" could never stand for black. that's just silly.
and so, here i sit. battling with the want to kick a youth director's ass for talking out of turn about my family to cover up his own ineptitude. battling with the pulpit relaying a message of hope when only three days later, the voice from behind the curtain tells a friend that she is no longer needed.
is this the kind of thing that i want hannah to be a part of? is this the kind of place you would wish upon your enemy? or are these merely growing pains. casualties of war to find some greater foothold in god's plan and kingdom.
maybe. maybe not. that god. sometimes He can be pretty mysterious...
oh, wait. nope. He's not. the only mysterious thing about god is that He and His plan are too big to fully understand. He is a god of love. a god that cares for his own. the two acts detailed above aren't examples of that love. i cannot believe that. i don't believe that. i never will.
and so i sit here and ponder. what's next? what should i do? just be mad? cut my losses and move on? try and swallow it and move along with the current? that just doesn't seem right. it seems like i'd be letting too many people down if i did.
i really don't know.
(now that it's not hearsay, here's what i say.)
my brother-in-law, joseph. most of you know him. i love him to death. he recently took a hiatus from my world of retail pet supplies to focus on being a senior in high school. fair enough. no one will hold that against him. joseph used to play a huge role in the youth department at huffman united methodist church. present at every event. vocal in every discussion. vital to the creative process of many a program. even after i went away, joseph stayed true to his church and his youth group. then something funny happened. his church and his youth group didn't stay true to him. joseph got a job. joseph got a girl. joseph got to get ready for college. schedule fills up. church attendance drops a tad. naturally, rumors start to fly. for some reason, unbeknownst to me, the rumors turn towards being mean and, naturally, rumor-liscious. two friends of mine happen upon the youth director at huffman not too long ago. the youth are practicing for their christmas program. the two wonder out loud to the youth director where joseph is. they are told something along the lines of. 'he is not around anymore.' 'he spends a lot of time with his girlfriend.' 'i've heard she's a wiccan.' ..............
wtf? did i hear that right? let's remove the content of the mudslinging from the discussion. but did you just tell me the youth director of a (my) church dragged an eighteen year-old's (and his girl's, mind you) name through the mud in order to redirect the attention away from the fact that joseph (who has been up until recently a prominent member of this group and church for the last five plus years) isn't there practicing?
hol-y. shit.
fast forward to yesterday. i get an e-mail from donna letting friends and folks know that her position as pastor of young adults has been eliminated. that there are rumors (rumors, granted.) circulating that the about to be vacated children's director position will not be filled either. this e-mail comes four days after the congregation is told that for the first time in three years the staff will be able to be given raises due to the budget surplus and (naturally) their outstanding performance. ouch, babe. if only i knew that the path to financial success would be to stay at huffman, keep pissing off parents, losing numbers, alienating veteran members, repainting the youth center, locking up early, dumping the youth choir, taking off my shoes and spreading rumor and innuendo, shoot, i would have treaded water there for as long as i could. screw chris and his money pit of a church plant. right, chris?
and so, here i sit. wondering what's left. my heart keeps telling me that huffman is worth my heartache. my worry. my silly rants. but moreso than ever, my mind is telling me something completely different. maybe the staff cuts are part of a larger picture. maybe more money and focus will now be poured into the hispanic community. it will be our effort to make "h" stand for huffman and hispanic at the same time. maybe that was charles lee's biggest gaffe. he didn't realize that "h" could never stand for black. that's just silly.
and so, here i sit. battling with the want to kick a youth director's ass for talking out of turn about my family to cover up his own ineptitude. battling with the pulpit relaying a message of hope when only three days later, the voice from behind the curtain tells a friend that she is no longer needed.
is this the kind of thing that i want hannah to be a part of? is this the kind of place you would wish upon your enemy? or are these merely growing pains. casualties of war to find some greater foothold in god's plan and kingdom.
maybe. maybe not. that god. sometimes He can be pretty mysterious...
oh, wait. nope. He's not. the only mysterious thing about god is that He and His plan are too big to fully understand. He is a god of love. a god that cares for his own. the two acts detailed above aren't examples of that love. i cannot believe that. i don't believe that. i never will.
and so i sit here and ponder. what's next? what should i do? just be mad? cut my losses and move on? try and swallow it and move along with the current? that just doesn't seem right. it seems like i'd be letting too many people down if i did.
i really don't know.
Monday, January 08, 2007
new year, new layout
if you are a regular visitor to this page, you've already noticed one big difference brought upon with the new year. that's right! the new layout. i think i am liking it more and more. i find myself clicking on the page just to check out the colors. i'll probably try fiddling around (pictures, links, more cursing) with posts from time to time this year to make it a more attractive visit. what can i say? as hannah gets older, she needs her stimulations to be more advanced. i am growing with her. i am not a "gadget" kind of guy. but by the time she gets old enough to read and understand my musings, she is going to think of this page in the same way i think of typewriters. very old. very boring. where are the lights? the bling? the techno-savvy elements that all the "kids" are into these days (these days probably being around the year 2015 when i am sure she will asking for one of those cool levitating skateboards from back to the future 2 for christmas). it's funny how "old school" and out of touch i am already afraid of becoming. i was afraid to hook up my computer that sarah got me for christmas because i didn't want to fuck it up. ipods? too much work. i'll stick to cd's. gps units? if it ain't on yahoo maps, i don't need to go there. those of you that know me well already know how big of a leap it is for me to carry my cell phone with me and answer it (from time to time). so, now that i think about it, brightening up the page every once and again will end up being a shallow effort that hannah ends up making fun of me for. that's ok. i know i'll at least have one thing. i'll be the only dad in her class that throws around the word "fuck" at the dinner table like it's going out of style. gratuitous cursing will never be "uncool", right? what do you mean it already is?
you don't know shit.
and now, on to a few belated new year's resolutions:
1) don't get fat. this is my number one every year, and up 'til now, i've been blessed in that i really don't have to try. i've got a pretty good metabolism working for me. i work out three times a week. i play a sport (softball, basketball, and now flag football) year-round. i never eat more than twice a day. twice a year it seems i catch some sort of vomit-inducing stomach virus where i lose ten pounds in eight hours. those are the positives. the negatives? my diet sucks. way too much fast food. way too much of something called trans-fat. don't even know what the hell that is. don't want to know. i just know it's bad. sooner than later, the diet thing is going to catch up with me. i can't make fat jokes if i, too, am fat. most of my "make sarah's eyes roll material" will be lost if i can't make fat jokes. so, again, number one is don't get fat.
2) don't die. let's not even wonder how this might affect the people around me. let's just focus on me. i've written about my deathdreams. best line i heard all year was from brand new. "i'm not scared of death. i'm a little bit scared of what comes after." i concur. i kind of "die" every night when i fall asleep. then i wake up, though. my mind is not at peace yet with the not waking up part. should be, but isn't. just being honest. so, right behind don't get fat is don't die.
3) be a better husband and father. i did ok with both of these last year. could be better. want to be better. don't let this being third on the list fool you. it's a really close third. you don't understand how much i don't want to be fat and die.
4) make you smile. whoever you are, if you are around me, i want to be a bright spot on your day and not a dark one.
5) decide on what i am going to do to with the whole church thing. am i going to commit or not? this definitely goes back to the heart vs. brain battle from the last post.
6) try and write more. writing makes me happy. i slacked off a little towards the end of the year. i should try harder.
7) buy good music. at least 25 purchases for the year. do not be "that guy" that resigns himself to the records he has in his collection already. keep buying new music. (soon to be bought: from 2006 - the format and the decemberists...2007 - the shins and fall out boy)
8) go back to an alabama football game. home schedule this year is too good not to.
9) keep bad mouthing alabama basketball. you lose to arkansas by 27 points, you deserve it.
10) fool myself into thinking the braves will be back in post-season this year in order to enjoy baseball.
11) go back to a falcons game. bobby petrino...meet michael vick. love him. use him. he is the most wonderful toy you will ever be able to play with.
12) take a vacation.
13) see lebron. and steve nash.
i think that's a pretty good start considering i had no idea what i was going to talk about when i started. to all of you that think new year's resolutions are pointless. get over yourself and make some. stick to it. feeling of accomplishment = good. apathy = bad.
here's wishing you all a healthy and hope-filled 2007.
if you are a regular visitor to this page, you've already noticed one big difference brought upon with the new year. that's right! the new layout. i think i am liking it more and more. i find myself clicking on the page just to check out the colors. i'll probably try fiddling around (pictures, links, more cursing) with posts from time to time this year to make it a more attractive visit. what can i say? as hannah gets older, she needs her stimulations to be more advanced. i am growing with her. i am not a "gadget" kind of guy. but by the time she gets old enough to read and understand my musings, she is going to think of this page in the same way i think of typewriters. very old. very boring. where are the lights? the bling? the techno-savvy elements that all the "kids" are into these days (these days probably being around the year 2015 when i am sure she will asking for one of those cool levitating skateboards from back to the future 2 for christmas). it's funny how "old school" and out of touch i am already afraid of becoming. i was afraid to hook up my computer that sarah got me for christmas because i didn't want to fuck it up. ipods? too much work. i'll stick to cd's. gps units? if it ain't on yahoo maps, i don't need to go there. those of you that know me well already know how big of a leap it is for me to carry my cell phone with me and answer it (from time to time). so, now that i think about it, brightening up the page every once and again will end up being a shallow effort that hannah ends up making fun of me for. that's ok. i know i'll at least have one thing. i'll be the only dad in her class that throws around the word "fuck" at the dinner table like it's going out of style. gratuitous cursing will never be "uncool", right? what do you mean it already is?
you don't know shit.
and now, on to a few belated new year's resolutions:
1) don't get fat. this is my number one every year, and up 'til now, i've been blessed in that i really don't have to try. i've got a pretty good metabolism working for me. i work out three times a week. i play a sport (softball, basketball, and now flag football) year-round. i never eat more than twice a day. twice a year it seems i catch some sort of vomit-inducing stomach virus where i lose ten pounds in eight hours. those are the positives. the negatives? my diet sucks. way too much fast food. way too much of something called trans-fat. don't even know what the hell that is. don't want to know. i just know it's bad. sooner than later, the diet thing is going to catch up with me. i can't make fat jokes if i, too, am fat. most of my "make sarah's eyes roll material" will be lost if i can't make fat jokes. so, again, number one is don't get fat.
2) don't die. let's not even wonder how this might affect the people around me. let's just focus on me. i've written about my deathdreams. best line i heard all year was from brand new. "i'm not scared of death. i'm a little bit scared of what comes after." i concur. i kind of "die" every night when i fall asleep. then i wake up, though. my mind is not at peace yet with the not waking up part. should be, but isn't. just being honest. so, right behind don't get fat is don't die.
3) be a better husband and father. i did ok with both of these last year. could be better. want to be better. don't let this being third on the list fool you. it's a really close third. you don't understand how much i don't want to be fat and die.
4) make you smile. whoever you are, if you are around me, i want to be a bright spot on your day and not a dark one.
5) decide on what i am going to do to with the whole church thing. am i going to commit or not? this definitely goes back to the heart vs. brain battle from the last post.
6) try and write more. writing makes me happy. i slacked off a little towards the end of the year. i should try harder.
7) buy good music. at least 25 purchases for the year. do not be "that guy" that resigns himself to the records he has in his collection already. keep buying new music. (soon to be bought: from 2006 - the format and the decemberists...2007 - the shins and fall out boy)
8) go back to an alabama football game. home schedule this year is too good not to.
9) keep bad mouthing alabama basketball. you lose to arkansas by 27 points, you deserve it.
10) fool myself into thinking the braves will be back in post-season this year in order to enjoy baseball.
11) go back to a falcons game. bobby petrino...meet michael vick. love him. use him. he is the most wonderful toy you will ever be able to play with.
12) take a vacation.
13) see lebron. and steve nash.
i think that's a pretty good start considering i had no idea what i was going to talk about when i started. to all of you that think new year's resolutions are pointless. get over yourself and make some. stick to it. feeling of accomplishment = good. apathy = bad.
here's wishing you all a healthy and hope-filled 2007.
Friday, January 05, 2007
"i'm not going to be the alabama coach."
(nick saban is the devil)
(a letter to a liar from a liar)
(if i seem a little taller, don't worry. i am just standing on my soapbox.)
i am having a hard time wrapping my head around all the nick saban bashing that seems to be happening outside of this state. i'll grant you that my take on this is seen through crimson and white glasses, but let's be serious. who here has never said one thing only to turn around and do something else? who here has not lied? who here is so morally beyond reproach that they can call into question someone's integrity without first questioning their own?
espn? come on now, guys. "the liar's club"? don shula? just because your son was horrible and you weren't good enough to win dan marino a super bowl doesn't mean you have to bash the guy that left the dolphins better off than he found it. sure, this was supposed to be the dolphins' "breakthrough year", but they didn't have a fucking quarterback!!! ronnie brown was hurt for half the season! settle down, old man, settle! sure, you went 17-0. that was 34 fucking years ago!!! you sucked for how long after that? give me a break.
let me give you a personal example of something that i, myself, went through. shortly after christmas last year, a key member of common ground church in huntsville quit our team. looking back, i now know that from that point forward my heart was no longer in huntsville with common ground. maybe it never truly was. maybe i was looking for an excuse to get back to birmingham because by going to huntsville i had found the reason that i never should've left. whatever it was, i knew where i would end up, at the very latest at the end of sarah's internship in august, would be birmingham. but here's where my analogy ties in with saban. that my heart wasn't in it did not change, in even the smallest fucking way, my commitment to common ground. i respected our effort. i respected chris too much to back away then.
"mr. o'kelley, there are rumors that you are going back to birmingham."
"i am not going back. our job here isn't done."
"mr. o'kelley, we have sources that tell us you have shown interest in managing a pet supplies "plus" back in huffman."
"i have no idea where that came from. i don't even like MY pets. why would i want to help run a pet store."
"so, you are staying with common ground and coldstone."
"I AM NOT GOING BACK TO BIRMINGHAM."
well, it turns out i came back to birmingham. my heart was here. it always was. but my commitment was in huntsville. does that mean i lied to myself? to others? maybe. maybe not. just depends on how you choose to report it. i don't think so. i think a person can be fully "committed" to some direction, to some job, to some idea and have their heart eventually pull them elsewhere. and i believe this is, in some way, what happened to nick saban. he was so fully "committed", in mind and body, to his team and his owner that he would not even entertain the thought of going to alabama. but his heart would.
we are all liars, people. to one degree or another. if you've ever told someone you'd call them and didn't follow up, that counts. if you cheated on a paper or test, that counts. if you told a girl you really liked titanic, that counts. if you ever told someone that you loved them and then chose to not see them for years, that definitely counts. whatever the degree, we are all in the same freakin' boat. to call nick saban out, to call anyone out without looking yourself in the mirror is quite, quite shallow.
i lie. all the time. i am not a premeditated liar anymore. sometimes, though, i just can't help it.
hannah, you are going to lie to your mommy and daddy maliciously and you are going to feel so bad about it. i know this because i've been there and done that. it's ok, we still love you. in advance.
nick saban is going to lie to me. and you, alabama fan. but i still love him. in advance.
opinion is great, because everyone has one. blogging is great, because in this world, my opinion is right.
i am of the opionion that if you are upset with nick saban or any other liar at this very moment, you should chill out. go get some ice cream. and know that the vast majority of liars are just people that have a battle being waged inside them between their head and their heart and are just trying to find their way through this world.
roll fucking tide.
(nick saban is the devil)
(a letter to a liar from a liar)
(if i seem a little taller, don't worry. i am just standing on my soapbox.)
i am having a hard time wrapping my head around all the nick saban bashing that seems to be happening outside of this state. i'll grant you that my take on this is seen through crimson and white glasses, but let's be serious. who here has never said one thing only to turn around and do something else? who here has not lied? who here is so morally beyond reproach that they can call into question someone's integrity without first questioning their own?
espn? come on now, guys. "the liar's club"? don shula? just because your son was horrible and you weren't good enough to win dan marino a super bowl doesn't mean you have to bash the guy that left the dolphins better off than he found it. sure, this was supposed to be the dolphins' "breakthrough year", but they didn't have a fucking quarterback!!! ronnie brown was hurt for half the season! settle down, old man, settle! sure, you went 17-0. that was 34 fucking years ago!!! you sucked for how long after that? give me a break.
let me give you a personal example of something that i, myself, went through. shortly after christmas last year, a key member of common ground church in huntsville quit our team. looking back, i now know that from that point forward my heart was no longer in huntsville with common ground. maybe it never truly was. maybe i was looking for an excuse to get back to birmingham because by going to huntsville i had found the reason that i never should've left. whatever it was, i knew where i would end up, at the very latest at the end of sarah's internship in august, would be birmingham. but here's where my analogy ties in with saban. that my heart wasn't in it did not change, in even the smallest fucking way, my commitment to common ground. i respected our effort. i respected chris too much to back away then.
"mr. o'kelley, there are rumors that you are going back to birmingham."
"i am not going back. our job here isn't done."
"mr. o'kelley, we have sources that tell us you have shown interest in managing a pet supplies "plus" back in huffman."
"i have no idea where that came from. i don't even like MY pets. why would i want to help run a pet store."
"so, you are staying with common ground and coldstone."
"I AM NOT GOING BACK TO BIRMINGHAM."
well, it turns out i came back to birmingham. my heart was here. it always was. but my commitment was in huntsville. does that mean i lied to myself? to others? maybe. maybe not. just depends on how you choose to report it. i don't think so. i think a person can be fully "committed" to some direction, to some job, to some idea and have their heart eventually pull them elsewhere. and i believe this is, in some way, what happened to nick saban. he was so fully "committed", in mind and body, to his team and his owner that he would not even entertain the thought of going to alabama. but his heart would.
we are all liars, people. to one degree or another. if you've ever told someone you'd call them and didn't follow up, that counts. if you cheated on a paper or test, that counts. if you told a girl you really liked titanic, that counts. if you ever told someone that you loved them and then chose to not see them for years, that definitely counts. whatever the degree, we are all in the same freakin' boat. to call nick saban out, to call anyone out without looking yourself in the mirror is quite, quite shallow.
i lie. all the time. i am not a premeditated liar anymore. sometimes, though, i just can't help it.
hannah, you are going to lie to your mommy and daddy maliciously and you are going to feel so bad about it. i know this because i've been there and done that. it's ok, we still love you. in advance.
nick saban is going to lie to me. and you, alabama fan. but i still love him. in advance.
opinion is great, because everyone has one. blogging is great, because in this world, my opinion is right.
i am of the opionion that if you are upset with nick saban or any other liar at this very moment, you should chill out. go get some ice cream. and know that the vast majority of liars are just people that have a battle being waged inside them between their head and their heart and are just trying to find their way through this world.
roll fucking tide.
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