can "h" stand for hispanic and huffman at the same time?
(now that it's not hearsay, here's what i say.)


my brother-in-law, joseph. most of you know him. i love him to death. he recently took a hiatus from my world of retail pet supplies to focus on being a senior in high school. fair enough. no one will hold that against him. joseph used to play a huge role in the youth department at huffman united methodist church. present at every event. vocal in every discussion. vital to the creative process of many a program. even after i went away, joseph stayed true to his church and his youth group. then something funny happened. his church and his youth group didn't stay true to him. joseph got a job. joseph got a girl. joseph got to get ready for college. schedule fills up. church attendance drops a tad. naturally, rumors start to fly. for some reason, unbeknownst to me, the rumors turn towards being mean and, naturally, rumor-liscious. two friends of mine happen upon the youth director at huffman not too long ago. the youth are practicing for their christmas program. the two wonder out loud to the youth director where joseph is. they are told something along the lines of. 'he is not around anymore.' 'he spends a lot of time with his girlfriend.' 'i've heard she's a wiccan.' ..............

wtf? did i hear that right? let's remove the content of the mudslinging from the discussion. but did you just tell me the youth director of a (my) church dragged an eighteen year-old's (and his girl's, mind you) name through the mud in order to redirect the attention away from the fact that joseph (who has been up until recently a prominent member of this group and church for the last five plus years) isn't there practicing?

hol-y. shit.

fast forward to yesterday. i get an e-mail from donna letting friends and folks know that her position as pastor of young adults has been eliminated. that there are rumors (rumors, granted.) circulating that the about to be vacated children's director position will not be filled either. this e-mail comes four days after the congregation is told that for the first time in three years the staff will be able to be given raises due to the budget surplus and (naturally) their outstanding performance. ouch, babe. if only i knew that the path to financial success would be to stay at huffman, keep pissing off parents, losing numbers, alienating veteran members, repainting the youth center, locking up early, dumping the youth choir, taking off my shoes and spreading rumor and innuendo, shoot, i would have treaded water there for as long as i could. screw chris and his money pit of a church plant. right, chris?

and so, here i sit. wondering what's left. my heart keeps telling me that huffman is worth my heartache. my worry. my silly rants. but moreso than ever, my mind is telling me something completely different. maybe the staff cuts are part of a larger picture. maybe more money and focus will now be poured into the hispanic community. it will be our effort to make "h" stand for huffman and hispanic at the same time. maybe that was charles lee's biggest gaffe. he didn't realize that "h" could never stand for black. that's just silly.

and so, here i sit. battling with the want to kick a youth director's ass for talking out of turn about my family to cover up his own ineptitude. battling with the pulpit relaying a message of hope when only three days later, the voice from behind the curtain tells a friend that she is no longer needed.

is this the kind of thing that i want hannah to be a part of? is this the kind of place you would wish upon your enemy? or are these merely growing pains. casualties of war to find some greater foothold in god's plan and kingdom.

maybe. maybe not. that god. sometimes He can be pretty mysterious...

oh, wait. nope. He's not. the only mysterious thing about god is that He and His plan are too big to fully understand. He is a god of love. a god that cares for his own. the two acts detailed above aren't examples of that love. i cannot believe that. i don't believe that. i never will.

and so i sit here and ponder. what's next? what should i do? just be mad? cut my losses and move on? try and swallow it and move along with the current? that just doesn't seem right. it seems like i'd be letting too many people down if i did.

i really don't know.