reconnecting


wow. to be quite honest, it didn't take that long to catch up on everything i "missed" while we were away at the beach this weekend. i still had espn in my room, so the sports part was covered. "unplugging" from the world was nice in a way. waking up and not worrying about e-mails or work was refreshing. i got a good bit of sleep each night and so for the most part, i have no complaints with the last few days. sure, saturday had plenty of awkward moments, the moments that i prepared myself for before leaving. friday, though, hardly had any. friday was just a nice family-filled day (mostly at the pool since hannah was not a huge fan of the ocean) capped off with a very nice dinner and way too much wine. good times to be sure. good enough that it whet our appetite to find a long weekend sometime this summer to take a real "family" vacation. so if for none other than that reason, the weekend away was a success. here's to getting back to the beach soon.

i talked with chris hicks (my oldest friend and best man in my wedding) for as long yesterday afternoon as we had in months. most of the conversation centered around my being around his daughter this weekend. unfortunately for me (but moreso for his daughter), i was also around the guy that is currently dating chris' ex-wife. he seems like a nice enough guy. he's older than us. i am not sure if he'd know the difference between a baseball and a basketball, but i don't say that to knock him as much as i say it to relay that we don't have a whole lot in common. he's divorced too. he has a 13 year-old daughter. if i read the indications correctly, he's about to have a 3 year-old stepdaughter in the not too distant future. which leads me back to chris. when he and his wife were struggling at the tail-end of their relationship, we swore to each other that whatever happened, our friendship was so tried and true that we would stay close. things would be different after the divorce for sure. there would be no more built-in excuses to see each other at their house for dinner or i wouldn't be going over while the girls were out to play playstation. but we had been there for each other for so long and through so much, that this decision was bound to be just another bump in the road. just like us going to different high schools. taking different paths through college. him seeing me through my own parents divorce and it's repercussions. my seeing him through his brothers problems and jail time. it would be a bump for sure, but one that we'd hop over together.

much like any relationship i suppose, it takes two to tango. and i have to admit, my part in the dance lacked just as much as chris'. he went absolutely frat-tastic in his way of life. "living a dream" that he had given up a long time ago. there was always that side of chris. he just kept in in check. or i did. or his parents or significant other did. who knows. the "dream" he was living, though, and the life that i continued to lead just didn't jive. for better or for worse, we didn't and don't talk as much as we used to and hardly ever hang out.

i read a blog this morning that conveyed thoughts that i have heard before. about how sometimes with friends, we just grow apart, and i am sure there is something to be said for that. but i think history and perspective also would tell us that there are some friends that we had or have that we never truly loved. i think if you love someone, you don't ever, and i mean EVER, give up hope that if the relationship has fallen into a valley that you can somehow climb up the other side.

i'll tie this up by saying this. saturday wasn't really uncomfortable. but i found myself, time and time again, feeling really bad for chris that some other dude was taking care of and loving on savannah. and when i got home, i wanted to call him and tell him that. i wanted to tell him that, despite his fault in his marriage gone wrong, that i was on his side. that i wouldn't be having dinner or playing playstation with his replacement any time soon.

there are friends. and there are family. and then there friends and family that you fight for. no matter how disconnected you've become. no matter how much time has passed. no matter how wrong you may think they are/were. i consider myself very lucky that i have a number of people in my life that fall into this category. most of them know who they are only because i won't leave them the hell alone.

reconnecting.