caroline and me, part one
(hannah and me, part twenty-four)
((it's a girl!))


so, you are a girl, huh? i think i had in my mind all along that you were a girl. i don't really know why, but i think i did. maybe having that in mind made the news today feel different than when we found out hannah was a girl. not that i was disappointed in the least to discover that our first child would be a girl, but i think it's a very typical "boy" want for a dad to have a son. to mold the son into a better version of him. to teach him how to throw, kick and catch. to scratch and spit. to cuss. to mold him into a ballplayer of some sort. to coach him. train him. alienate him because i am living vicariously through him. make up just in time with him to take in a couple of college championships and then reap the rewards of that first big professional league contract. all of those images were just too much not to dwell on to some degree the first time. i think it's just a "boy" thing to want a boy. but then along came hannah...

and hannah changed everything. hannah paved and is paving the way for you, caroline, as we speak. i didn't really know how to be a dad to a girl, but i think i am figuring it out. i am figuring it out and hopefully some of that enlightenment can translate into fewer bumps and bruises, figuratively (...ok, maybe some literal bumps and bruises), than hannah has had to live through. you'll reap the rewards of my and your mommy's wisdom in all sorts of ways. and so, today, on this your day of gender-awareness, i will introduce you to a few things that you can expect from your daddy and mommy of two girls and the home you will be born into.

1) first off, you have a wonderful mommy. she loves you more than anything already, and she'll love you even more when you get here. we now have experience with the whole "my heart just got bigger" feeling after a child is born, and we can't wait to experience that again because of you. she's a good cook. she works very hard. and she's very patient with your daddy. she cries sometimes for very not-obvious reasons, but give her time. she'll explain herself. she'll probably cry a lot with you after you are born, but they will be happy tears. you'll have to just trust me on this. as mommies go, you could do a lot, lot worse.

2) you have a big sister. her name is hannah. she is my first baby girl and is the most wonderful gift i have ever been presented with. that is, until you make it here. she's a little rowdy and can be downright emotional at times (i do not yet know if this comes from mommy or if it is, according to the rumor, all girls.) but she will be the most wonderful big sister to you. she has been practicing with our kitties. mostly with spud. she will have to be more careful with you than she is with spud. poor spud. but if her interaction with her cousin emma is any indication, she is going to take very good care of you.

3) you will have two kitties when you come home (we'll save the punkin obituary for another post. she's still with us, but we got confirmation yesterday that her time is short.) the big one is spud. the little annoying one is softball. they will make you laugh. hannah is crafting a house adaptation of the movie shrek 2(which you'll see) as we speak with spud in the role of puss'n'boots and softball playing donkey. it's going to be awesome.

4) you will have a puppy that you won't see much when you first come home. when the weather gets colder, we'll introduce you to her. her name is KAMmie. she is very sweet.

5) of course, you will also have a daddy. i am him. he is me. daddy is silly i am told, but daddy, too, already loves you very much. i've also been told that hannah has me wrapped around her finger, which is true. she and i get along famously. but hannah is very good at sharing. and i am thinking that she will let you have part of me to wrap around your finger too. if you would allow me that, i would be honored. i don't cook and i cuss (and those are two of my better traits) but i've figured out something very important...

i know how to love someone. in every sense of the word. and caroline, i promise you this. i will love you like nobody's business. in every sense of the word.

i'll be honest. some of those "boy" images flashed through my mind again this morning. but i've packed them away. somewhere in the back of my mind. whether or not they ever come to fruition is far less important today than is the fact that i know caroline (somethingorother) o'kelley is growing in mommy's belly. how lucky i am. i can't wait to see you. i can't wait for mommy and hannah to see you. we are going to make a pretty good team.

i promise.