the kiker claus, part two
(hannah and caroline and me)
((part six))


"In putting on the suit and entering the sleigh, the wearer waives any and all right to any previous identity, real or implied, and fully accepts the duties and responsibilities of Santa Claus, in perpetuity, until such time as the wearer becomes unable to do so, by either accident or design." - the santa clause


from last christmas.

that post from last december pretty much sums it up. not a lot has changed about his motives. not much has changed about his costume. his good-heartedness. his want to bring happiness to children he doesn't know. not much has changed about how good of a guy the man behind the suit really is. not much has changed, but everything has changed.

if you were to create a scale to determine how shitty a person's year could be/has been, with 'one' ranking as "i have no complaints. heaven, truly, is a place on earth." and 'ten' being "wow, so this is what emotional sodomy feels like.", the kiker claus would probably rank his year around the area of a spinal tap-ish 'eleven'. as his friend and without going into any details, i can only tell you it's been rough. a year unlike any other for kiker. a year unlike any other for one of kiker's friends. at times, i have felt like i've been supportive. there are times that i've felt somewhat disconnected. i've wanted to share with kiker that he isn't alone, no matter how often he feels that way. i am sure i've failed him in that regard. i've wanted to reassure him that there is, in fact, a light at the end of the tunnel even if i can't guide him to it. i've wanted to punish those that have made this magnificent human being, a human being with human flaws just like the rest of us, a shadow of his former self at times during this trying year. but it's not my place to do that.

sarah made a good point last night. she said to me that it must be pretty cool to be hannah. most four year-olds might freak out if, on some random december evening not christmas eve, santa claus just shows up at their door. don't get me wrong. she loves it. as kiker claus rang the doorbell last night and hannah ran to the door to see him, she yelled "it's santa claus!!!" but it wasn't the "holy shit. it's santa! let me run and hide!" kind of exclamation. it wasn't expected, but it was something she remembered happening from last year, santa just showing up at her house. we worry about spoiling hannah in a lot of ways. letting her do what she wants all the time. letting her eat candy for breakfast. letting her obsess over being hannah montana. we worry about certain things, but we won't worry that she is already spoiled by the idea that santa coming to see her is becoming part of her christmas routine. we will just feel lucky for her.

with everything that the kiker claus has been through this year, i would not have been surprised if the man behind the suit did not find his alter ego this season. but he did. but he has. while i videotaped hannah enjoying her time with the kiker claus, while caroline was dead asleep on the couch with no idea of the something special that was happening around her, i thought of my friend and his clusterfuck-tastic year. and i thought of how incredible it was for him to be able to forget about all of that, don a santa suit and make children happy. i thought of how strong he must be.

i thought of how proud i was to call him my friend.

thanks, kiker claus. you're the best.