single, father of two
(back from the beach)
((hannah and caroline and me, part fifteen))



i haven't really thought of it in these terms 'til right now. beginning tonight, i'll be alone in my care of the babies girl for as many nights as we were just at the beach. weird. but, not scary. i think we will have a good time together. if night one (which is now complete with the girls tucked tightly into bed) is any indication, we'll be just fine.

so, we are back from the beach. sarah asked me what my favorite part of the trip was as we were headed back today, and the immediate answer was easy. the ocean. i could not have asked for more perfect ocean conditions than what we were handed for three consecutive days. we arrived sunday to a yellow flag, but it was a pretty rough yellow. monday and tuesday followed with red flag days, the both of them, but tame enough on the red flag scale ("5" being "people gonna die!!!" and "1" being "i can tell my mom i was dangerous when i get back") that none of our party (save hannah) feared for their safety. i splashed and dove into the oncoming waves with reckless abandon just as i remember doing as a boy. back then, i felt like the only person in the water. back then, i felt like i was the only one on the entire beach as i performed my acrobatics but i always secretly wished that people were watching me and commenting on how cool i looked. that probably didn't happen. on this trip, it was usually my brother-in-law and me tossing around a soaked nerf turbo in between waves and we both would crash into the oncoming "tacklers" as if it was what we were made to do. i like doing things that hearken back to my days as a boy. i like doing things that make me feel giddy. playing in the ocean the last three days accomplished both.

hannah and caroline were awesome and beach bunnies, themselves. hannah came a long way in a year's time. she found herself actually enjoying not only the sand on the beach, but the water too as, each passing day, she found herself more and more brave as it concerned her and the ocean. hannah also found herself underwater twice in the pool on the last day, something that she swore to us she would not let happen on the trip. both occasions were accidents, but they will provide growth looking ahead to whatever pool we hope to find ourselves in next summer. caroline was how caroline always is. easy. she chilled in the baby pool on the beach. she chilled in the pool by the hotel. she chilled in the hotel room. she fussed a little here and there, but only because her regular routine of rest and food was thrown off some by the vacation itinerary. the girls were the stars of the show as far as i could tell. hannah could be a little demanding at times with her request for control of the television and "her way", but then she would pull something sweet out of her hat and warm us all with how tenderhearted she truly is. i think the babies girl had a good time, indeed.

sarah's been hard to read. being around that side of her family plays with and triggers all sorts of emotions that i can't possibly begin to try and explain here. i will say, though, that i think she enjoyed her vacation and will take the good with the bad any day if it means that we get to go to the beach.

my emotions, given that i haven't had a ton of time to properly reflect? mixed as well. i had a great time. and i was flattered to be welcomed into that side of the family in that kind of atmosphere in a very warm (but very different) way. a lot of stuff, said and unsaid, was going on in the condo at times, but i am sure the same could be said when any family, separated by time and space, convenes in an attempt to enjoy the others' company. i felt awkward at times. i felt like i bit my tongue as much as i could (and i am proud of that). and i felt like i got closer to some folks that i wouldn't mind spending more time around. time and space will probably prevent that from happening, but, in this case, it's the thought that counts.

back from the beach.

one day now to get my head back in shape before i get back to the store. hopefully, tomorrow will feel like a good "off" day even though the vacation is over. hopefully, i can get the girls to saturday morning without them missing mommy too much. hopefully, like last year, the sour tastes that i have in my mouth will soon be replaced with something sweeter. memories of the good and healthy times that will build me and my family toward a better tomorrow. i shouldn't worry about fixing anything that's not my place to fix. i should worry about why hannah is completely perfect even though she watches "inappropriate" television.

"kevin!!!"

you're right. thanks, family crump, for a wonderful time! thank you, pre-tan, for working. and thank you, waves. see you next summer, ok? don't forget me. i love you.