19-14
(how the west was won)
((and why i wished that brian was in town))
there is a vindictive side of me that's been waiting to get out. waiting to strike since the blog hit the fan two weeks ago. and that vindictive side still waits on her orders, for i am not letting her out today. not just yet.
i've thought about today's post since monday night. what did i want to say? how did i want to say it? who do i want to hear it? and my thoughts have evolved, especially after wednesday night came and went without incident. it also came without repair, but that is for another day. when i left the house monday night, i figured that today's post would be a chronicled (as far as i know) detailing of every shenanigan that led to and past the events of sunday morning (oct. 5). secret meetings. passed out copies of who-knows-which-posts from HACAM to members of sprc and others in our church. a senior pastor that publicly campaigned against my being recommended for a position of leadership at humc. two members pitted against each other in an active election just two hours prior to us all "coming together" in the sanctuary for a world communion sunday service. as of this morning, i've decided that "the devil" is in the details. and you can take that statement and run with it in any direction you would like.
here's the short version for my not-in-the-thick-of-this-crap readers. we have a committee on lay leadership at our church. they are a consensus-building group and their responsibility is fairly simple but also very powerful. sit down with each other, figuratively throw playing cards with the names of members of the church on them on the table and, if not otherwise committed, nominate those names/persons for roles within the church that the committee feels as if they have the gifts and talents to bring something substantial to the role. as an example, if joe or jane q. public shows a talent for working with children and lay leadership agrees that it would be a good idea, they may be nominated for a role on the children, youth and families committee. it is then up to that person nominated to accept or decline the nomination. that's it. that's what they do. they meet for several weeks until they finish their process or until they are up against a deadline and they have to finish whether they are ready or not. during this process, there is obviously room for debate and disagreement on the merits of certain persons being nominated for certain roles. again, this a consensus-building group. many times in any walk of life, consensus may not be reached without a healthy debate. as it affected me personally, i was told by a member of this committee that i had been nominated for the role of lay leader of our church. who knows what sort of debate, if any, went on when my name was brought up. considering everything i know now, i wouldn't want to know. long story short, i told this representative of lay leadership that i would be honored to take on the role. as far as i knew, that was that. decision was made. consensus reached.
'til the blog hit the fan. (cue rending of garments and teeth-gnashing)
without falling prey to "the devil", i'll fast forward to the relevant part. sometime between lay leadership adjourning it's final session and this past sunday morning, select members of that committee along with the senior pastor (who, you may remember, found us at least two weeks ago) of my church stumbled upon my blog and decided that my "bad" words and oppositional stances towards the leadership of our church deemed me unfit to carry forth the torch of lay leader at humc. during the called disciples council meeting sunday morning (at which most of the council/board was there to formalize and approve lay leadership's recommendations), a new name was nominated to replace mine as lay leader. a vote was taken and, in spite of the back-alley efforts of certain members of humc and it's senior pastor, the integrity of lay-leadership's process was ultimately upheld. i won the vote 19-14 (unofficial tally). hooray for me, right???
right?
anyone?
yeah, me either. if just those couple of paragraphs make you sick at your stomach, well, join the crowd. you don't know the half of it. you don't really need to. "the devil" would just make your heart race faster than it already is. since "the devil" reared its head to me, though, i have wanted nothing more than to withdraw into the arms of those that i knew cared for me. accepted me for who i am. understood the context and meaning behind every humc-tinged post in the last three years and "got it". i've been called "inappropriate" in different ways. i've had my priorities questioned. i've been pointed at. i've been whispered about. and that's just the tip of a pretty skeevy iceberg. but all of that is cool.
what's led me to this morning is something sarah said as we left the church. i don't think that i knew i was feeling it, but her saying it out loud made me sure that i did. i have looked for support. not support in the way of finding people that think like me or are "on my side" or hope for the same things out of humc that i do. but maybe just a pat on the back. someone to come around and say, "you're gonna be alright." and i have found that in my sunday school class (and, of course, sarah and my friends that are "in the know.") that probably didn't know what they were getting into when they extended a warm and welcoming hand to me and sarah a couple years ago. and i have told them in emails and in person, but i will tell them here too. i can't express how much you guys mean to me. i just can't.
but i've also been pining for, of all people, my brother to be around. it probably seems off the subject and i can't really put my finger on why he keeps popping into my head. i think it goes back to something that has made his last couple of visits so special. since we've both reached a place in our adult lives that we are comfortable in our own skin, we have spent a grand total of about two weeks together. in spite of that lack of time, though, in something like what we've been going through the last couple weeks, he would be the ultimate ally in every sense of the word. he'd have my back. he'd make threatening gestures. he knock people's lunchroom trays out of their hands. he'd talk to me. make me feel less like an anti-hero and more like someone that's on the right side of a wrong fight. at least, that's what i tell myself he'd do, because that's what i do for him. because i love him. and that's all that really matters, right?
silly church. don't "you" get it? i say what i say and i do what i do because i love you!!! do you really want to keep going down the path that we've been on? really? you want to just fade away into the future remembering what the "good 'ole days" were like and resting on those laurels? that's what you want? you don't want me to question "you" (and me for god's sake!) in the most open forum possible? why the hell not? what are you afraid of? why are you afraid? if this is what "you" want, you don't have to try and freaking vote me down. all you have to do is ask. because i don't want to do that. i don't want to pretend like everything is ok when it's not. that's not how life and church is to be led. in my opinion and in my motivation, i don't get the message out of "your" bible that god intended it to be that way either!!! jesus christ! remember him??? i don't bring him up much here. i'd rather Him be an understood. but if that's the way you want things to be, why don't "you" scripture-rip me a passage that shows me that jesus was cool with resting on the laurels of the good 'ole days. i'll be in the corner holding my breath.
if that's the way "you" want it, just ask me and i'll go. if you want what's best for humc, though, you want me on your team, because you are not going to find someone that wants what's best for her any more than i do. i don't always have to be a lay leader. i'll be happy locking up the church and turning your microphone on, but you want me on your team. whether you like my methods or not, that is just your opinion.
what went down in response to this blog last week and leading up to it makes me sick. sick at "you" and sick with "you". but i love you anyway.
i'll be waiting for "your" comment, your email, your phone call and i'll damn sure wait for you face to face. based on what i've "heard" the last couple of weeks, i should open my door to a long line of folks dying for that opportunity. you want me to leave? i'll leave. just ask.
i am waiting.
18 comments:
well let express "my" opinion. That was the single best blog entry ever. Period. If that doesn't sum what we have been campaigning for I don't know what does. We love our church and want nothing more than for it to be the best that it can be. I just hope that people "get" that.
“Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Sir Winston Churchill
kevin, just remember, there are more of us than of them.
Hey Kevin,
First thing I would like to say is it was not my intention to lead a revolt against your nomination, however after reading this blog in depth, I was very concerned about the level of anger and fear expressed here in correlation to the responsibilities that will be facing you as lay leader. Looking back, I wish that I had not been the person that was selected to oppose you. I should not have accepted the nomination which should have diffused the situation then. I want to apologize to you and the entire church body for my part in the widening of the fracture in our church. Since accountability seems to have been a problem in the past, I want to assure you and your supporters that I have resigned as secretary of the disciple’s council and given up my voting seat on this board. I do intend to stay a member of SPRC until my commitment is fulfilled in 2009, but since this is my last year on that committee I will allow other committee members to formula any new policies concerning staff. I pray that you will find a way to peace, both in your own life and in the life of our church.
In Christ
Mark Durham
Wow. This is not much of a surprise, but still, wow.
Kevin, I've read your blog. I've read all the posts, every single one. And I cannot recall any church related posts (which I'm assuming were the "concerning" ones) that were unjust or irrational. I'd love it if someone who opposes one of "the issues" expressed their own opinion about it. I guess that won't happen, though. Your wrong, they're right, end of story. Well that's a load of shit if you ask me.
Well I say keep up your good work, dude. It's still worth it.
Please don't give up no matter what anyone says. For any one person who would have the guts to ask you to step down, there are at least two of us who will beg you to remain as our lay leader. We need you.
Oh... My dear sweet brother... You know how I feel about churches and organized religion in general. But you also know how I feel about your involvement with your church and the young people especially. I have always been proud of you and aspired to be more like you in that reguard. I witnessed displays of your compassion and love for others... even complete strangers at a time in my life when I really needed it. I was astounded and it changed my opinion of you forever and also served to open my eyes a little bit and ease back on the contempt throttle when it comes to churches and "church people". People who sell salvation will always need someone to demonize, though and unless you want to play the game some people are going to point the finger at you. Your honesty is paramount and I sincerely hope you do not choose to "play the game". Keep standing up for what you know is right and hold your head up high knowing that you have remained true to yourself. To a person like me, (and there are many more of us) there is not a better demonstration of what a righteous man should be.
I still think several folks getting together and establishing the "unchurch" is a good idea. No judgement, no committees, no crappy third day music.....
why don't "you" scripture-rip me a passage that shows me that jesus was cool with resting on the laurels of the good 'ole days. i'll be in the corner holding my breath.
Well put. And, as I've said many times, while I don't have the sort of history with HUMC as you, Sarah, and Joseph and his mom, I always find your posts about the church interesting and somehow relevant to me. Even if I don't always know the inner-workings of it.
Good luck...I have a sense HUMC will need it. Or maybe some people who have a vision for the future, and not the past.
Oh how I wish had people with such passion at my current appointment. And I cannot believe I spent a couple of hours with you yesterday without remembering to ask why I learned about the attempted coup through another entity other than you or another weed. If you can figure out who discussed it with me, you can ask them how supportive your sister can be.
Kiker's comment prompts me to think that the problem with fulfilling the great commission is that too often once the unchurched are converted, they become those self-righteous, puffed-up pharisees with which you have been dealing.
October 13, 2008
Until very recently I, as Pastor, have been an advocate for Kevin being included in our church's leadership. Just ask Kevin. For example, I was, in fact, the one who suggested that he be invited to apply for our new staff position.
It was only after our last Committee on Lay Leadership meeting (Oct. 1) that I read his blog posted on September 30. I felt completely betrayed. I have reached out to Kevin. I have visited him, and we have talked on a number of occasions. He has never ... never ... talked to me about his profound lack of respect for me or the leadership of our church.
We have talked about the fact that there is definitely room for improvement in our church. I am not stone-walling. In fact, when Kevin first came to me in the summer of 2007 saying he had decided to come back to our church and work to help us improve , especially in bringing more young adults into our church ... I welcomed him with open arms.
As I did so there were several that cautioned me to be careful with him, but I did not let that make me cut him off. I believe the church is a place for fresh starts. So I continued to extend a hand to him ...
You that have read his blogs know that he has had some very strong condemnation of me and our church leadership. I appeal to you to consider how you would feel if you had been working supposedly "with" someone ... only to find out that they had been saying some very negative things about you behind your back.
This is not courage.
I can understand that some of you who are frustrated with the current state of the church are wanting to champion the underdog. I say again that I, as Pastor, will readily agree that our church needs to grow and improve. But it is not necessary to have a blanket indictment of the whole in order to work for that improvement.
There are many good, Christian people in our church who want this as well. Many of them are in leadership positions, which Kevin has reduced to being mere "figureheads". That's not working for improvement. That's creating division ... that's not necessary.
It saddens me greatly that he and some of you who've encouraged his blogging have felt it necessary to treat me and the leadership of the church as the Enemy. He's even now characterizing us as the Devil.
I say again, until very recently I have been an active advocate for Kevin. I hope you can understand how drastically that changed once I became aware of what he's been saying for some time on this blog about me, but not to me.
When a person or group in a church does not make a good faith effort to talk with the pastor about concerns before going on a crusade, it is destructive to the church. Kim Rafferty is the only one (among those who are currently questioning my credibility) who's come to me with concerns, especially about Hispanic ministry. She expressed her own frustration that others who shared these concerns would not stand up. I have listened to her and responded. Over the past year I have worked hard to make improvements in our relationship with the Hispanic ministry. And improvements have been made. Is it perfect? No. But we have been and are working at it.
It is especially saddening to me that now there are some who begrudge the wonderful fact that many new Christians are being baptized through the Hispanic ministry. Instead it seems that the anger and frustration that has built up prevents some from being able to celebrate this. Instead they only want to "get their keys". This is very unfortunate.
In our congregational meeting I shared a document that has guided my work as pastor since before I moved here. I did so to try to offer some factual information. It was clear that some thought I've been acting on my own to advocate Hispanic ministry far beyond what it should have been. Instead I have sought to keep faith with this very important statement given to me by the Leaders in our church that supervise my work (SPRC - Staff Parish Relations Committee). In it they stated that our church considers Hispanic Ministry to be one of "our congregation's spiritual strengths". Kevin calls this and the entire list of Leadership Characteristics " a joke". I strongly disagree.
He says it is invalidated by the fact that Children's Place is left out. Well, may I point out that this does not mean Children's Place is devalued. Julie Holly had been assigned as the Staff liason. She and I had discussed it, and I asked Julie to continue in that capacity. But I did take an active interest in Children's Place. I attended a number of Board meetings along with Julie. I started a weekly Chapel service for our 3 & 4 year-olds. And I worked very closely with the C.P. Board in making the difficult decision to change Directors. In fact, I met with Sarah & Julie when I became aware of very serious discord among the C.P. staff. I said to them that we needed to give Adrienne even more specific expectations and a timeline for meeting those expectations ... and if these expectations were not met, then a change was warranted. When we reached that point, I stood with them and actively supported the transition. Just ask Sarah.
I do not understand when people decide they have no other option than to see the pastor and leaders of their church as the enemy, especially when they have not made an effort to share their concerns and work with those leaders ... before deciding the only way would be to "kick down the door". If you had tried knocking first, I believe you would have found allies, not enemies.
I am not one to stifle different opinions. For example look at the rest of the nominations for 2009, look at the Task Force that meets tonight, and you can look at numerous other examples of how I have invited people to work for our church's health and growth.
I want to work for our church to be what God wants us to be. I believe God has some very special desires for church. And I've said that together we can discover what these are. I'm not here to merely hang-on and try to survive. I want us to be in vital ministry to and with our community so that our future will be a growing one ... not a declining one. If you think I'm only trying to protect the status quo, then you don't know me, and you haven't heard the SPRC's bold statement that they want a Senior Pastor who is a Risk-Taker who is not bound to the status quo.
There is much, much more I could say, but I will close by saying ... I will be calling Kevin. If you would like to see further documentation on why I have found his behavior to be very troubling, just write to me at cwdenson@huffmanonline.org and I can share with you much more of the story.
Maybe Chris D should start his own blog rather than riding on the coattails of Kevin's.
I don't know where to start, but I often don't. Funny thing is, even if I did, I wouldn't know where to go. Mind-boggled? Taken aback? ...Taken aforward?
Chris:
If I thought you would share with me the same thing you would share with someone else were I to follow your invitation and request "further documentation" on the matter, I would do so. I imagine I am not afforded that courtesy.. either A) because of my familial ties to Mr. O'Kelley here, B) because my last post at "Dinosaur Eats Man" was just a little too covertly snide, or C) because these things perhaps ought not be any concern of mine. Then again, I could be wrong. I wish you would prove me wrong. I would be humbled and more than satisfied. josephsw88@gmail.com Let me see what you've got.
However, if I can bypass this and reach your documentation by going back to "Hannah and Caroline and Me" and looking under Blog Archive, then don't waste your time. Don't waste anyone's.
Kevin:
Since I don't have my thoughts well collected enough to say something on the whole right now, I'll say this that came to mind: think about what an adventure that goes nowhere this will all appear as when Hannah and Caroline are old enough to come back into the annals of history and read all about this. Will you regale them with more about "how the west was won" first hand? Probably not. Personally, it is an interesting future to imagine. It brings to mind something you said in your fabled writings of September 30th.
"we are all ridiculous."
Can we please just stop acting like kindergartners with the he said/she said crap and start acting like adults. Let's just ALL meet together at a time when ALL can come and clear the air. Our church is in desperate times and we all need to step up and fix the problems like adults. Everyone needs to stop accusing, stop taking offense to things they don't understand and start working towards a solution.
Melinda
I wasn't going to add a 15th comment to this already tired conversation, but I don't want anyone to think that I am making the leadership of the church out to be an enemy. I don't believe I feel that way or have felt that way in the past (since we are taking into consideration the past three years of "documentation")
I think MY negativity stems from the fact that the church that Kevin, I and many others grew up in is dying. And in all honesty, there seems to be little which can be done to prevent that, outside of physically moving to a new location.
One thing I've noticed, though, is that many of the cool things we used to do at HUMC have been systematically done away with or has become a shadow of its former self over the past few years. I don't believe that any one person is to blame for that.
Anyway, maybe you guys will think of something, but if not, there's always this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfXm2eJxXII
Kevin,
I had not planned to comment on any of your blogs but I really felt led to let you know my feelings and reasons for voting against you at the called meeting. While your comments about the church do concern me, I often understand your frustrations. However, any good that you could have accomplished was lost in the mean spirited personal comments you have made in your blog about individuals in our church (both pastors and lay people). Kim and Tanya have both told me this is your blog with your personal feelings. However, you have chosen to put them on a public forum where anyone with a computer and any knowledge can find them. They are not your personal, private thoughts anymore because you have chosen to make them public. So, my concern about your position as lay leader is this: can you lovingly lead ALL of the lay people of our church? Even the ones that you have chosen to speak about in demeaning ways on your blog? If those people you have spoken about read the things you have written would they be able to look to you as an effective leader? Would they be able to come to you with their problems about the church? I hope you considered these questions prayerfully when you chose to accept the nomination as lay leader.
I told Chris D. a while back that I don't pretend to have any answers to the problems facing us right now and I would never claim to understand the way God works in our lives. I do believe all things happen for a reason and most times I don't understand those reasons. I love this church and the people in it. I may not agree with all of them about many issues, but I could never publish comments about them on a public forum that could be hurtful. Will you, as our new lay leader, be able to love each person enough not to publish things that could be hurtful to someone?
Alma
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