microcosmic
(return from oz)


after posting on october 10, i looked for feedback in a lot of different places. the "comments" section, itself, served as a magnificently vivid portrait of everything that had led up to that stand-alone post, so i chose not to add anything further myself in that particular forum. before sitting down to write that morning (and i've shared this with a couple of people), i had made the intentional decision that one respective chapter of the blog would be closing. in no way did that mean i would no longer share my point of view on all things my church, but the perspective was getting ready to change. if this whole lay leader thing was something that i didn't want to walk away from out of respect to those that thought it was a bad idea to begin with, then, beginning in a couple months, i would no longer be "on the outside".

in a way, for close to three years with the humc-tinged posts on this site, i was acting out a role of my own, an unsolicited ombudsman of sorts. i wasn't reporting to a body or a board, necessarily. i was only reporting to the central focus of HACAM and those casual to vested observers i was accruing along the way. the interest or lack thereof of said observers never directly influenced what was posted and what was not, but it was interesting (sometimes fascinating) to me to see other people react in their own way to my personal reactions and reflections.

the culmination of that role came on october 10, and, boy, did quite the celebration ensue. the following monday, just hours after the "celebration" reached it's zenith, i was no longer on the outside looking in. i had been nominated as a throw-in to the group that was appointed at the "meeting to end all meetings" to serve humc as a church task force. the task force's role was, and in some ways still is, undefined prior to our first meeting, but the group was assigned to address important (and sensitive) issues the congregation (and not just this stupid blog) had raised. we would inventory the "concerns", point ourself in some direction, have constructive conversation, prayerfully consider productive action, make suggestions to the greater church, corporate, and hopefully show ourselves as a symbol of hope that our dear church has been lacking for quite some time.

two weeks and two meetings in, there is already turnover. two weeks and two meetings in, there has already been turmoil. some of it unexpected. some of it predictable. two weeks and two meetings in, we are beginning to understand just how much needs to be "fixed". two weeks and two meetings in, i feel pretty good about the process.

what??? what about the turmoil? the turnover?

great questions, both. but beside the point. to answer these is to get lost behind the gorilla that has so easily distracted us for so long. the gorilla has been so big and so scary. that's how gorillas are. so, we hid.

and let me say, hiding isn't always the worst option. sometimes, gorillas get bored in one room and decide to move on to another, thus removing our own accountability from the equation. we can move right along as if nothing has happened. we can smile and pretend that everything is ok. and in those instances, we should consider ourselves lucky.

our gorilla, though, outgrew our doors. and he was stuck. and so we are stuck with him. removing the king of the mountain with diplomacy and bananas will no longer work.

so, we must fight.

with words. with rolling eyes. with things that should have been said out loud months, if not years, ago. with hugs. with love. with compassion. with empathy (because lord knows, we are all in this together). with barbs. with sarcasm. with hurtful and well-intended honesty. with one goal. and one mind. and one united purpose.

we must fight for our church. because the gorilla is not going away.

through two weeks and two meetings, it is now a certainty to the group now officially known as the humc task force that we can not beat the beast down on our own. we will need a congregation to win this back. our purpose, that is. one purpose that will be our rallying cry. a unified mission. a unified vision. a unified goal. something that we can cling to. something that when the going gets tough, the hurt feelings can hold onto and understand that there is reason and method to this madness.

whether i deserve it or not is up for debate. but the fact remains i am no longer merely commenting here on the "idea" of huffman umc that i believe in. i am no longer theorizing or speculating or second-guessing. i am now moving in a different direction, one that dictates we all begin a new chapter.

what is it that you feel?

what is it that got you fired up?

why do you feel differently about your church, our church, now versus then?

what are you going to do about it?

who are you mad at? why?

what brought you (us) here?

if you care about our church, i hope you can ask yourself these questions and not just acknowledge that they've presented themselves on your mind.

through two weeks and two meetings, the task force has identified problems on top of problems. and by problems, i mean discussions worth having. and it is no longer acceptable, in my mind, to let the problems define our future.

it is the discussions, the "why do we feel this way"s and the "what are we going to to about it"s that will now steer us.

problems turn into dead weight and big, scary gorillas. discussions turn into answers.

it's time to talk.