perception vs. reality...
when sweet babies don't feel good


have you ever had a band that you really liked? got a cd from that band and it just kicked your ass (with sweetness, or rage, or harmony, or catchiness, etc.) from here 'til tuesday and you just couldn't get enough of it. eventually, you get into the cd and band so much that you start trying to find out anything that you can about them. when they were born. who their influences were/are. who does their hair? but most importantly, when are they coming to your town or somewhere close enough to drive. you find the date, you mark your calendar, you count down the days, and then you go. you sit through opening bands that you may or may not have heard of, that may or may not suck, all the while just waiting for the band that you've come to see take the stage. that band sets up, your anticipation rises like mad, and then they start...

...and they suck. what the crap? what's wrong with you guys? this doesn't sound like the cd you heard. this guy can't sing worth shit and his range on stage is nothing like the angelic voice you hear coming through your speakers. the band isn't tight. the frontman keeps trying to work the crowd, telling them to "get the fuck up", but you don't want to move, because you already know you've wasted your money. you leave mad. you don't buy the t-shirt, and all of a sudden the cd doesn't sound that good anymore. it's too bad, but perception just met reality and the collision was bloody. i had this scenario play out in between the ages of, say, 15-20, four or five times and every time it blew. hard. i was reminded of it when i saw death cab for cutie on snl this week and ben gibbard couldn't hit all the high notes and he had his keyboardist singing them in falsetto behind him. now, saturday night live is notorious for making good bands sound bad, and they weren't bad, but they weren't like the cd i had fallen in love with, and all of a sudden the cd doesn't sound so good anymore. sometimes, reality isn't as much fun as perception.

sarah and hannah are on their way to children's hosptital as i type this. it's a disconcerting feeling, being in huntsville, two hours away, and feeling helpless. the baby girl has an infection that they are going to have to drain. how nasty does that sound? i would do anything to make her better without being scared in a hospital and likely sedated so they can stick her with a big needle to find out how to make her better. the perception in my head is that i can take care of her, my little girl, no matter what comes up. the reality is i need a lot of help from her mom, grandmother, granddaddy and nana, the church daycare, kaykay, amy, and so many others just so she can have normal days and nights and her parents be able to work to support her or maybe have a night out once a month. reality, in this case, is bad for hannah this morning, but good in the long run. the doctors will take care of her, her family will give her as many kisses as she needs, and the good ship baby girl will be back in the water in no time flat.

in most cases, reality isn't as daunting as we make it for ourselves. we spend so much time on perception, though, that reality seems like the monster under our bed at nights, waiting to scare the hell out of us at any moment. why is that, i wonder? i wish i knew. good people fall at the swords of perception all the time. i've felt it coming at me, and i've dished it out.

maybe part of my new year's resolution means living in reality more. i am not sure what that will mean, but maybe i'll give it a shot.

and maybe i'll cut death cab for cutie some slack.

get well, baby girl. daddy's storing up as many kisses as you need.