hannah and me (part six)
time flies when the baby is taking a nap


i am at home again today. an unplanned third day off. it's nice. unexpected, but nice. work will suck tomorrow. big time. but i don't have to hurry back for anything 'til thursday, so i am just going to try and pace myself. we'll see how it goes.

sarah, hannah, marie and i made a daytrip to sarah's grandfather's yesterday. it was very nice. to be able to go to tiny oak grove united methodist church. to spend some time with her grandfather and aunt and uncle and rebecca that didn't inlude thanksgiving dinner. there was a home-video viewing session for a couple of hours that sent their family down memory lane, and i could tell it made them very happy. it made me happy hearing everyone laugh, hearing them recall the where and what-nots of the situation. seeing little sarah. young marie. baby joseph being tormented by a well-meaning rebecca. of course, it didn't carry the same weight with me. but it meant a lot to be a part of it. in the middle of the session, i took hannah outside and we walked around her great-grandfather's yard. part of the day made me sad. part of me wished that i had a place that i could take her and sarah and remember and have fun.

that's just not the case, though. and that's ok. my mother's parents have passed. there were good memories there. i was never able to make it to many of the o'kelley family get-togethers. part of that is the fault of having a fractured family. part of that is my fault that i have kept my distance since becoming an adult. it's just been easier that way.

one day, hannah will ask me about when i grew up. i will be able to tell her about brian and mom and some good times. i will be able to tell her things that make me smile. and i will leave out the things that hurt. sometimes, it's better to leave the past as romantic and imaginary as possible. it's the present and the future that matters. it's making a place that hannah will want to come back to when she is her mother's age and marie's age and be proud of. it's that place that i will work on.

we can do that.