sunburn and suck-tastic tennis
(the art of the pre-tan)


i guess we've all been there, right? most of us like the beach. if not the actual swimming in the ocean part, we like the idea of the beach. it's a getaway. for (x) number of days, it's that literal and figurative place away from here that you go to to forget about work, school, xbox live or whatever else may be stressing you out or keeping you up at night. personally, i love the beach. everything about it. especially the swimming in the ocean part. especially when the waves are "big" and the current is just strong enough that there is a hint of danger in going out too far. those are some of my favorite memories from the beach, even dating back to when i was a kid. if we headed out for the day and my mom was super-cautious about letting me go out into the water, i knew it was going to be a good day. diving into waves and letting the momentum of the water pull me back to my feet again and again and again. goodness. is there any better feeling than that? in less than a month, i'll be trekking down to orange beach (thanks to sarah's dad) with the girls to meet up with much of the crump clan for a few days. i can't wait for the idea of the beach. and i can't wait for the actual beach, itself.

there is one thought and only one thought that haunts me as i look forward to this particular trip, though. that thought? the first-day sunburn. and any of of you that grow as pasty white over the non-summer months as i do know exactly what i am talking about. that first day when everything in you is screaming to get outside and spend hours on top of hours either on the sand or in the ocean or by the pool and the excitement level is way too high for you to worry about sunscreen. not necessarily the first application. when your whole party is in the room preparing for that first jaunt outside, it's hard to escape the moms in the room yelling at you to apply the spf whatever. you don't really want to, but you have to. there will be too many moms in the room or in your head to not apply that first time. what usually burns you (pun intended)...what usually burns me is my neglecting second, third or fourth applications. more sunscreen? no, thank you. i am in the water. i cannot be burned while i am in the water, right? what's that you say? i can be burned in the water? i do not believe you. i am going to stay in the water with my good friends, the waves. see you tonight, when i am out of the water and not in danger of being blistered to the point of not enjoying the rest of the vacation. and so it goes. that first evening, when everyone is completely wiped out after physically overextending themselves on the first day because the call of the beach was too alluring, you feel something. that something is your skin rebelling against all of the sun that it was not protected against. your skin moves slowly, but very surely into self-preservation mode. tightening and turning red to alert you that you have screwed up. tightening and turning red to remind you, much too late, that the second, third and fourth applications of spf whatever are just as important as the first. days two, three, four, etc. at the beach will be fun. don't get me wrong. they just won't be as comfortable. your skin's innocence being ripped away due to your (my) being stubborn is the reason. and you'll be left to wonder "what if?". what if i got out of the water for just five minutes and reapplied my sunscreen? would days two, three, four, etc. have been every bit as glorious as that first day? the pain that you (i) will manage through 'til you (i) head home suggests the answer to that "what if" to be, "yes."

and so, it comes to this. obviously, i am aware of my beach shortcomings. i am aware, sure, that there are steps that i should follow upon exiting the hotel room to maximize my beach experience. but all of the above being said, there remains a problem. you see, i. am. an idiot. for today, on july 9th, i praise the worth of sunscreen here. less than one month from now, on my first day at the beach, i will forget these lessons. so, i am taking another approach.

for the first time ever, i am working on a pre-tan. that's right. i am making efforts to go from pasty to not-quite-as-pasty before i get to the beach. it's called damage control, people!!! last week, i went shirtless (sorry, neighbors) cutting the grass. i stayed shirtless while the baby girl and the baby, baby girl played in the baby pool. sunday, after church, i went to bradford park to play shirtless (on my part) tennis with an old friend. and let me just say, wow! after having not played tennis (and no, beandon, tennis is not just "big ping-pong".) in years, the tennis on display sunday afternoon equaled in degree of crap what the nadal/federer wimbledon final equaled in degree of awesome. but the tennis wasn't really the point. the fellowship was. and of course, the pre-tan was too. the after-effects of the afternoon of tennis include a little pre-sunburn, but not too bad i don't think. not so bad that it affects my want to continue my master plan. have some sort of tan upon arriving at the beach. like i used to when i was a kid. and leave the beach looking like a native-american indian. like i used to when i was a kid. when i look back at old pictures, it's amazing to me how dark and tanned i always was. then again, i never wore a shirt. i wonder when that stopped. everyone looks better with a tan, right? i wonder when i stopped never wearing a shirt. oh, yeah. probably about the time i discovered shame. "everyone knows the only thing we should be ashamed of is our bodies." you are so right, kenneth from 30 rock. i digress.

i will move forward with the master plan. the pre-tan will work. it will absolutely work. and my beach experience will be all the better for it.

to the pre-tan!!!