come and get me


next sunday night, dec. 21st, i'll be closing the store. due to the holiday shopping season (do people really "shop" in roebuck?), we'll be extending our hours by three and locking up at 9:00.

uh, ok.

i thought you would like to know.

uh, ok.

sunday night, the 21st, will be the first anniversary of the second robbery (out of three attempts) we at psp, roebuck, would endure. the merry band of robbers entered the store at 8:46 according to my office camera, just over two hours past when we all would have been gone on any other sunday of the year. coincidence? probably not. our 2007 holiday hours had been posted for weeks. if you, or someone you knew, had been in the store any time in december, you knew we would be there, open and waiting to serve you and your pet's holiday needs. premeditated? uh, yeah. probably. i mean, i guess the merry band of robbers could have just been roaming the darkened alleys of huffman waiting to pounce on any unsuspecting victim they happened upon. i just don't see that as the case. if i am wrong, hopefully, god will forgive me.

this would have been enough. the second, failed, attempt would have been plenty reason to cause involuntary bowel movements. the third, the first anniversary of which will happen one week from sunday, well, lightning striking three times in the same place in less than two months just makes a brother want to cry. oh, and at that point last year, WE HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THE FREAKING AK-47 YET!!!

advent is typically used as an excuse for reflection. it would be helpful for all of us if we were able to constantly reflect and evolve over the course of every month of the year, but why not cram it into one month beginning with thanksgiving and ending with christmas. yeah, that's a good choice. we usually aren't very busy during that month. having said that, advent is typically used as an excuse for reflection. throw me in that boat too. guilty as charged. every year on this website, i will create a year-end "best of..." list or take a look back at what i had hoped to accomplish over the last twelve months. what big happened. what small. what will stick out five years from now. as it relates to this site, it's hard for me to think that, looking back in five years, i won't remember that the blog became a nasty carwreck for a couple of months and "you" were the rubberneckers. the exact content and details in certain posts i won't likely remember, but the overall reaction to them i will. for several weeks, i received several unique page-views per day, those coming from, i can only assume, people tuning in to see what all the fuss was about or who was talking shit about who. points were lost or clouded. feelings got hurt or dinged. copies were made. accusations were (re)made. votes were taken. ridiculousness ensued.

all of it seems pretty silly and dramatic now. pieces of this very public note to my girls being bandied about as if it was ever a secret to begin with. all of the reaction, the outrage, the support, all (or most) of it taken completely out of context. all of it styled to some other agenda. to some other voice. to some other means.

yeah, but whatareyougonnado? i shouldn't have been mad? or happy? or supportive? is that what you are saying?

no. not necessarily. but in my reflection of my year, there are things that mean more and things that mean less depending on the day. and what will always mean more on any day to me is that on january 6th, 2008, i had an assault rifle pressed to my head and i stared directly into the eyes of a young man that was super-pissed that my alarm had gone off, thus scaring the shit out of he and his merry band. and that context, my context, has framed itself around every thought and every idea and every word i've left here or let fly out of my mouth for this entire year. and it, most likely, will for every day forward that i am lucky enough to be blessed with.

while i am reflecting during this advent season, i wonder if you cared about this context during the carwreck. i wonder if you thought about it. period. did that thought play into your judgement of me? did a thought of my love for my family? my love for my friends? my less-than-"contempt"uous love for my church? my love for you? i am just wondering. i have no idea. this is not me asking for your pity. this is not me hoping to guilt you into asking me how i am doing with this whole thing one year removed. outside of the nightmares that continue and the cringe-factor each time i am closing the store, don't worry, i am fine.

how much credit do we give others? how often to we give pause to the thought that their life is no less crap-tastic than our own? that their context might and should play a role in the equation of ours.

it's a good question(s). i think so, anyway.

i close the store next sunday night. i have three managers that i could have scheduled to do it. then again, i don't fancy myself a pussy and this is a hurdle i need to get over, myself. i'll be there. waiting. one part of me hoping all is calm. one part hoping for a fight. all parts hoping that something has changed inside our merry band of robber's hearts so that they are not some other place doing to someone else what they did to us. maybe they are in jail. maybe they'll be at home. maybe they bought a laptop with psp's money and are blogging about what a shithead they were this time last year. that's a pretty cool thought, right?

maybe. merry getting ready for christmas, everyone. however you are preparing for the big day, keep in mind that it's probably different than everyone else.