hannah and me (part six)
time flies when the baby is taking a nap
i am at home again today. an unplanned third day off. it's nice. unexpected, but nice. work will suck tomorrow. big time. but i don't have to hurry back for anything 'til thursday, so i am just going to try and pace myself. we'll see how it goes.
sarah, hannah, marie and i made a daytrip to sarah's grandfather's yesterday. it was very nice. to be able to go to tiny oak grove united methodist church. to spend some time with her grandfather and aunt and uncle and rebecca that didn't inlude thanksgiving dinner. there was a home-video viewing session for a couple of hours that sent their family down memory lane, and i could tell it made them very happy. it made me happy hearing everyone laugh, hearing them recall the where and what-nots of the situation. seeing little sarah. young marie. baby joseph being tormented by a well-meaning rebecca. of course, it didn't carry the same weight with me. but it meant a lot to be a part of it. in the middle of the session, i took hannah outside and we walked around her great-grandfather's yard. part of the day made me sad. part of me wished that i had a place that i could take her and sarah and remember and have fun.
that's just not the case, though. and that's ok. my mother's parents have passed. there were good memories there. i was never able to make it to many of the o'kelley family get-togethers. part of that is the fault of having a fractured family. part of that is my fault that i have kept my distance since becoming an adult. it's just been easier that way.
one day, hannah will ask me about when i grew up. i will be able to tell her about brian and mom and some good times. i will be able to tell her things that make me smile. and i will leave out the things that hurt. sometimes, it's better to leave the past as romantic and imaginary as possible. it's the present and the future that matters. it's making a place that hannah will want to come back to when she is her mother's age and marie's age and be proud of. it's that place that i will work on.
we can do that.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
there's no "i" in team, but there is in justin...
this news item is a few days old and of little consequence to anyone's daily lives, but i haven't been able to shake my frustration with it. justin jonus, a sophmore guard at alabama, chose to leave his team on monday of this week. jonus has played in all but three of alabama's games, was averaging about 20 minutes a game, and was scoring about 6 a game (undoubtedly two three's a game, since this is all he's good for). now, i have poked fun at him here before, with little affection, as the "white boy" on the team. he is white. he plays white. he sucks, plain and simple. and it's not the fact that his loss, in my opinion, will hurt the team. granted, the starters may have to carry their own bags now that jonus isn't around, but that's beside the point. my point is this. justin and his dad cited his "lack of recent playing time" as their reason for leaving the team. justin's dad told reporters that he imparted this wisdom on his son. "if they aren't going to use you now that chuck davis is out, they are never going to use you." in other words, if you aren't going to benefit from this guy fucking up his knee, then screw your teammates and screw alabama. i guess it's not enough that alabama was paying for his education. i guess it didn't matter that his leaving means that alabama will play the season out with 7 (!!!) scholarship players when their competition in the sec are usually playing with 10-12.
now, talk radio is placing most of the blame for this at the dad's feet, claiming that jonus is "still a kid". i don't really consider 20 year-old's children, but whatever. but what is the dad's problem? this is the example you wanna set? for your son? to ingrain into your son for him to pass along to your grandchildren? i don't know about you, dude, but that is pretty weak. whatever happened to loyalty? whatever happened to locking arms with the group you've been fighting with and saying, "come hell or high water, we are going down together."
but that's not usally how it goes down. justin jonus is just like the rest of us. so is his dad. we are always looking for the next best thing. what is best for us. for me. me. me. me.
go ahead, justin. go find another church...er, team. just remember, the grass over there only seems greener because there's shit on that side too.
have fun playing in division 2 with the rest of the white guys.
this news item is a few days old and of little consequence to anyone's daily lives, but i haven't been able to shake my frustration with it. justin jonus, a sophmore guard at alabama, chose to leave his team on monday of this week. jonus has played in all but three of alabama's games, was averaging about 20 minutes a game, and was scoring about 6 a game (undoubtedly two three's a game, since this is all he's good for). now, i have poked fun at him here before, with little affection, as the "white boy" on the team. he is white. he plays white. he sucks, plain and simple. and it's not the fact that his loss, in my opinion, will hurt the team. granted, the starters may have to carry their own bags now that jonus isn't around, but that's beside the point. my point is this. justin and his dad cited his "lack of recent playing time" as their reason for leaving the team. justin's dad told reporters that he imparted this wisdom on his son. "if they aren't going to use you now that chuck davis is out, they are never going to use you." in other words, if you aren't going to benefit from this guy fucking up his knee, then screw your teammates and screw alabama. i guess it's not enough that alabama was paying for his education. i guess it didn't matter that his leaving means that alabama will play the season out with 7 (!!!) scholarship players when their competition in the sec are usually playing with 10-12.
now, talk radio is placing most of the blame for this at the dad's feet, claiming that jonus is "still a kid". i don't really consider 20 year-old's children, but whatever. but what is the dad's problem? this is the example you wanna set? for your son? to ingrain into your son for him to pass along to your grandchildren? i don't know about you, dude, but that is pretty weak. whatever happened to loyalty? whatever happened to locking arms with the group you've been fighting with and saying, "come hell or high water, we are going down together."
but that's not usally how it goes down. justin jonus is just like the rest of us. so is his dad. we are always looking for the next best thing. what is best for us. for me. me. me. me.
go ahead, justin. go find another church...er, team. just remember, the grass over there only seems greener because there's shit on that side too.
have fun playing in division 2 with the rest of the white guys.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
to whom it may concern
i've been looking around for a couple of weeks for one of those e-mail surveys that comes across one's inbox from time to time. i thought it might be a fun idea to post one here...now and maybe in the future. now for me and those that come across it in the now, and in the future with the thought that hannah (if i am stubborn enough to keep this up for a while) might read it sometime in the way-out-there future and know where her daddy's head and heart were on a particular day. so, thanks to joseph (hopefully pillaging his journal for the questions is ok) for the survey.
a broad view of daddy's head and heart, january 25, 2006:
1.Spell your last name backward? yelleko
2. Story behind your first name: i don't believe there is one. just a name mom and dad agreed on. after that, or maybe shortly after that, they quit agreeing.
3. When's your birthday: October 30, 1976
4. Where do you live: four days out of the seven in birmingham. the other three in huntsville.
DESCRIBE YOUR:
5. Wallet: old, black, washed twice and fossil
6. Eyes: brownish
7. Toothbrush: birmingham - blue and white huntsville - mostly white
8. Jewelry worn daily: one wedding ring
9. Mobile Phone: small blue samsung with wonderful hannah wallpaper
10. Pillow cover right now: birmingham - light blue huntsville - orange
11. Car: black 2005 mazda tribute. my first real car that feels like me. i love it.
12. Bedroom: birmingham - your standard bedroom. bed, a couple chests of drawers and a tv. huntsville - the same plus a weight bench
15. Cologne/Perfume: none. god no.
16. CD in stereo right now: yellowcard - lights and sounds. first pick-up of 2006.
17. Piercing: zero
18. What you are wearing now: coldstone gear. black polo, khakis, adidas kicks and an apron folded at the waist.
19. Wishing: for a helicopter or no construction on i-65
20. Wanting: 8:00 to get here and a brand new episode of lost to be here with it
21. What are you doing after this? opening the store
22. If you could get away with it and murder anyone who would it be: charlie's character on lost. the monster should eat him and his heroine.
23. Person you wish you could see right now: hmm. sarah or hannah. hannah or sarah. it's a toss-up. the package would be good.
24. Some of your favorite movies: trainspotting, shawshank, cool hand luke, la confidential, batman begins
25. Something you're looking forward to in the coming week: a saturday and sunday off in succession. working out a couple times. a couple basketball games.
26. Something you just ate: a reese's peanut butter cup.
27. Something you are deathly afraid of: death
28. Do you like candles: sometimes, if they are the only light in the room.
30. Do you like the taste of blood: kinda. in the same way i kind of like the smell of gas.
31. Do you believe in love: yes, of course.
32. Do you believe in love at first sight: there is lust at first sight, not love.
34. Do you believe in Heaven: an eternal life with God? yes. what that means, i have no idea, but i do believe in it.
35. Do you believe in God: with everything in me
39. Can you eat with chopsticks: nope.
40. What's your favorite coin: any that are not in my pocket
41. What are some of your favorite candies: i am not a big candy person, but i do like reese's peanut butter cups and three musketeers.
43. What's something you wish you could understand better: people's want to make things harder than they really are.
47. Are you shy around your crush: i will change this to my wife, and no. she probably wishes i was more shy.
49. Do you know what it feels like to be in love: i do
50. Would you sacrifice your favorite possession for your best friend? let's see. my black mazda tribute for kiker or andy. gosh that would be tough, but yeah, i suppose i would. damn you both.
that was fun. the numbers are off, as they always are with surveys. someone who forwarded it to someone else screwed up the whole cut and paste thing or was uncomfortable with a question and cut it. that's ok, though.
thanks again, joseph.
i've been looking around for a couple of weeks for one of those e-mail surveys that comes across one's inbox from time to time. i thought it might be a fun idea to post one here...now and maybe in the future. now for me and those that come across it in the now, and in the future with the thought that hannah (if i am stubborn enough to keep this up for a while) might read it sometime in the way-out-there future and know where her daddy's head and heart were on a particular day. so, thanks to joseph (hopefully pillaging his journal for the questions is ok) for the survey.
a broad view of daddy's head and heart, january 25, 2006:
1.Spell your last name backward? yelleko
2. Story behind your first name: i don't believe there is one. just a name mom and dad agreed on. after that, or maybe shortly after that, they quit agreeing.
3. When's your birthday: October 30, 1976
4. Where do you live: four days out of the seven in birmingham. the other three in huntsville.
DESCRIBE YOUR:
5. Wallet: old, black, washed twice and fossil
6. Eyes: brownish
7. Toothbrush: birmingham - blue and white huntsville - mostly white
8. Jewelry worn daily: one wedding ring
9. Mobile Phone: small blue samsung with wonderful hannah wallpaper
10. Pillow cover right now: birmingham - light blue huntsville - orange
11. Car: black 2005 mazda tribute. my first real car that feels like me. i love it.
12. Bedroom: birmingham - your standard bedroom. bed, a couple chests of drawers and a tv. huntsville - the same plus a weight bench
15. Cologne/Perfume: none. god no.
16. CD in stereo right now: yellowcard - lights and sounds. first pick-up of 2006.
17. Piercing: zero
18. What you are wearing now: coldstone gear. black polo, khakis, adidas kicks and an apron folded at the waist.
19. Wishing: for a helicopter or no construction on i-65
20. Wanting: 8:00 to get here and a brand new episode of lost to be here with it
21. What are you doing after this? opening the store
22. If you could get away with it and murder anyone who would it be: charlie's character on lost. the monster should eat him and his heroine.
23. Person you wish you could see right now: hmm. sarah or hannah. hannah or sarah. it's a toss-up. the package would be good.
24. Some of your favorite movies: trainspotting, shawshank, cool hand luke, la confidential, batman begins
25. Something you're looking forward to in the coming week: a saturday and sunday off in succession. working out a couple times. a couple basketball games.
26. Something you just ate: a reese's peanut butter cup.
27. Something you are deathly afraid of: death
28. Do you like candles: sometimes, if they are the only light in the room.
30. Do you like the taste of blood: kinda. in the same way i kind of like the smell of gas.
31. Do you believe in love: yes, of course.
32. Do you believe in love at first sight: there is lust at first sight, not love.
34. Do you believe in Heaven: an eternal life with God? yes. what that means, i have no idea, but i do believe in it.
35. Do you believe in God: with everything in me
39. Can you eat with chopsticks: nope.
40. What's your favorite coin: any that are not in my pocket
41. What are some of your favorite candies: i am not a big candy person, but i do like reese's peanut butter cups and three musketeers.
43. What's something you wish you could understand better: people's want to make things harder than they really are.
47. Are you shy around your crush: i will change this to my wife, and no. she probably wishes i was more shy.
49. Do you know what it feels like to be in love: i do
50. Would you sacrifice your favorite possession for your best friend? let's see. my black mazda tribute for kiker or andy. gosh that would be tough, but yeah, i suppose i would. damn you both.
that was fun. the numbers are off, as they always are with surveys. someone who forwarded it to someone else screwed up the whole cut and paste thing or was uncomfortable with a question and cut it. that's ok, though.
thanks again, joseph.
Monday, January 23, 2006
believe it or not, i'm walking on air...
"how are you doing"
"shitty."
"..."
"wait a second. where are you going? let me explain."
i sang the cheers theme song yesterday in church as our "call to worship". great, great song. easily, it would rank as one of the top five tv theme songs of my lifetime. i think, off the top of my head, my list would go: 5) sesame street, 4) charles in charge, 3) the wonder years (granted, not an original written for the show itself, but for my generation, directly identified as the theme song for this awesome show.), 2) cheers, 1) the greatest american hero. god, i love that theme song. i could still sing it at the top of my lungs at the drop of a hat. the urge to sing it just hits me sometimes. i remember singing at the top of my lungs with chris hicks in the outfield during our first humc softball practice at huffman ballpark. good times. god, i love that song.
it's a good song for today. my baby girl is healing and becoming more and more herself after her long day on friday. a day that started with an innocent enough trip to the pediatrician, and a day that ended with her going under the knife for one day surgery on a staph infection at children's hospital. she came through the procedure like a champ, but she has a serious hole in her backside that is pretty unnerving for both mommy and daddy. but she's ok, and she'll go back to school this week.
chris preached a great sermon on community yesterday and challenged us to think about how often we really care about those that we greet with, "how are you doing?" i say it between 25 and 50 times a day at my job, and the challenge hit home with some sting. most times i ask, i cringe if anyone offers more than, "fine, thanks." that's all i want. it's just a little more elaborate than saying, "hello.", but i don't really want to know. do i? maybe sometimes. but most likely, not very many times. i have my own shit. my own family. my own sick baby girl. my own friends to care about and worry about. why should i worry about yours? well, idiot, because Jesus asks me to. i realize this fully on an intellectual level and want to act it out, but i have the hardest freakin' time with it.
i, oftentimes, put myself in the precarious position of wanting more of an intellectual relationship with my God rather than an emotional one. people that raise their hands and "amen" all the time freak me out. give me content. i don't want any more mindless praise and worship. but it's not the intellectual that sends me into these reflections usually, but some sort of emotional trigger that reminds me that the next person that walks into coldstone isn't going to give a shit if i greet them with some deep philosophical bullshit that keeps me up at night. but if i smile, geniunely smile and then listen if they actually answer my question with more than a "fine, thanks.", i'll leave a better impression than they may get all day.
...i'm flying away on a wing and a prayer. who could it be? believe it or not, it's just me.
"how are you doing"
"shitty."
"..."
"wait a second. where are you going? let me explain."
i sang the cheers theme song yesterday in church as our "call to worship". great, great song. easily, it would rank as one of the top five tv theme songs of my lifetime. i think, off the top of my head, my list would go: 5) sesame street, 4) charles in charge, 3) the wonder years (granted, not an original written for the show itself, but for my generation, directly identified as the theme song for this awesome show.), 2) cheers, 1) the greatest american hero. god, i love that theme song. i could still sing it at the top of my lungs at the drop of a hat. the urge to sing it just hits me sometimes. i remember singing at the top of my lungs with chris hicks in the outfield during our first humc softball practice at huffman ballpark. good times. god, i love that song.
it's a good song for today. my baby girl is healing and becoming more and more herself after her long day on friday. a day that started with an innocent enough trip to the pediatrician, and a day that ended with her going under the knife for one day surgery on a staph infection at children's hospital. she came through the procedure like a champ, but she has a serious hole in her backside that is pretty unnerving for both mommy and daddy. but she's ok, and she'll go back to school this week.
chris preached a great sermon on community yesterday and challenged us to think about how often we really care about those that we greet with, "how are you doing?" i say it between 25 and 50 times a day at my job, and the challenge hit home with some sting. most times i ask, i cringe if anyone offers more than, "fine, thanks." that's all i want. it's just a little more elaborate than saying, "hello.", but i don't really want to know. do i? maybe sometimes. but most likely, not very many times. i have my own shit. my own family. my own sick baby girl. my own friends to care about and worry about. why should i worry about yours? well, idiot, because Jesus asks me to. i realize this fully on an intellectual level and want to act it out, but i have the hardest freakin' time with it.
i, oftentimes, put myself in the precarious position of wanting more of an intellectual relationship with my God rather than an emotional one. people that raise their hands and "amen" all the time freak me out. give me content. i don't want any more mindless praise and worship. but it's not the intellectual that sends me into these reflections usually, but some sort of emotional trigger that reminds me that the next person that walks into coldstone isn't going to give a shit if i greet them with some deep philosophical bullshit that keeps me up at night. but if i smile, geniunely smile and then listen if they actually answer my question with more than a "fine, thanks.", i'll leave a better impression than they may get all day.
...i'm flying away on a wing and a prayer. who could it be? believe it or not, it's just me.
Friday, January 20, 2006
perception vs. reality...
when sweet babies don't feel good
have you ever had a band that you really liked? got a cd from that band and it just kicked your ass (with sweetness, or rage, or harmony, or catchiness, etc.) from here 'til tuesday and you just couldn't get enough of it. eventually, you get into the cd and band so much that you start trying to find out anything that you can about them. when they were born. who their influences were/are. who does their hair? but most importantly, when are they coming to your town or somewhere close enough to drive. you find the date, you mark your calendar, you count down the days, and then you go. you sit through opening bands that you may or may not have heard of, that may or may not suck, all the while just waiting for the band that you've come to see take the stage. that band sets up, your anticipation rises like mad, and then they start...
...and they suck. what the crap? what's wrong with you guys? this doesn't sound like the cd you heard. this guy can't sing worth shit and his range on stage is nothing like the angelic voice you hear coming through your speakers. the band isn't tight. the frontman keeps trying to work the crowd, telling them to "get the fuck up", but you don't want to move, because you already know you've wasted your money. you leave mad. you don't buy the t-shirt, and all of a sudden the cd doesn't sound that good anymore. it's too bad, but perception just met reality and the collision was bloody. i had this scenario play out in between the ages of, say, 15-20, four or five times and every time it blew. hard. i was reminded of it when i saw death cab for cutie on snl this week and ben gibbard couldn't hit all the high notes and he had his keyboardist singing them in falsetto behind him. now, saturday night live is notorious for making good bands sound bad, and they weren't bad, but they weren't like the cd i had fallen in love with, and all of a sudden the cd doesn't sound so good anymore. sometimes, reality isn't as much fun as perception.
sarah and hannah are on their way to children's hosptital as i type this. it's a disconcerting feeling, being in huntsville, two hours away, and feeling helpless. the baby girl has an infection that they are going to have to drain. how nasty does that sound? i would do anything to make her better without being scared in a hospital and likely sedated so they can stick her with a big needle to find out how to make her better. the perception in my head is that i can take care of her, my little girl, no matter what comes up. the reality is i need a lot of help from her mom, grandmother, granddaddy and nana, the church daycare, kaykay, amy, and so many others just so she can have normal days and nights and her parents be able to work to support her or maybe have a night out once a month. reality, in this case, is bad for hannah this morning, but good in the long run. the doctors will take care of her, her family will give her as many kisses as she needs, and the good ship baby girl will be back in the water in no time flat.
in most cases, reality isn't as daunting as we make it for ourselves. we spend so much time on perception, though, that reality seems like the monster under our bed at nights, waiting to scare the hell out of us at any moment. why is that, i wonder? i wish i knew. good people fall at the swords of perception all the time. i've felt it coming at me, and i've dished it out.
maybe part of my new year's resolution means living in reality more. i am not sure what that will mean, but maybe i'll give it a shot.
and maybe i'll cut death cab for cutie some slack.
get well, baby girl. daddy's storing up as many kisses as you need.
when sweet babies don't feel good
have you ever had a band that you really liked? got a cd from that band and it just kicked your ass (with sweetness, or rage, or harmony, or catchiness, etc.) from here 'til tuesday and you just couldn't get enough of it. eventually, you get into the cd and band so much that you start trying to find out anything that you can about them. when they were born. who their influences were/are. who does their hair? but most importantly, when are they coming to your town or somewhere close enough to drive. you find the date, you mark your calendar, you count down the days, and then you go. you sit through opening bands that you may or may not have heard of, that may or may not suck, all the while just waiting for the band that you've come to see take the stage. that band sets up, your anticipation rises like mad, and then they start...
...and they suck. what the crap? what's wrong with you guys? this doesn't sound like the cd you heard. this guy can't sing worth shit and his range on stage is nothing like the angelic voice you hear coming through your speakers. the band isn't tight. the frontman keeps trying to work the crowd, telling them to "get the fuck up", but you don't want to move, because you already know you've wasted your money. you leave mad. you don't buy the t-shirt, and all of a sudden the cd doesn't sound that good anymore. it's too bad, but perception just met reality and the collision was bloody. i had this scenario play out in between the ages of, say, 15-20, four or five times and every time it blew. hard. i was reminded of it when i saw death cab for cutie on snl this week and ben gibbard couldn't hit all the high notes and he had his keyboardist singing them in falsetto behind him. now, saturday night live is notorious for making good bands sound bad, and they weren't bad, but they weren't like the cd i had fallen in love with, and all of a sudden the cd doesn't sound so good anymore. sometimes, reality isn't as much fun as perception.
sarah and hannah are on their way to children's hosptital as i type this. it's a disconcerting feeling, being in huntsville, two hours away, and feeling helpless. the baby girl has an infection that they are going to have to drain. how nasty does that sound? i would do anything to make her better without being scared in a hospital and likely sedated so they can stick her with a big needle to find out how to make her better. the perception in my head is that i can take care of her, my little girl, no matter what comes up. the reality is i need a lot of help from her mom, grandmother, granddaddy and nana, the church daycare, kaykay, amy, and so many others just so she can have normal days and nights and her parents be able to work to support her or maybe have a night out once a month. reality, in this case, is bad for hannah this morning, but good in the long run. the doctors will take care of her, her family will give her as many kisses as she needs, and the good ship baby girl will be back in the water in no time flat.
in most cases, reality isn't as daunting as we make it for ourselves. we spend so much time on perception, though, that reality seems like the monster under our bed at nights, waiting to scare the hell out of us at any moment. why is that, i wonder? i wish i knew. good people fall at the swords of perception all the time. i've felt it coming at me, and i've dished it out.
maybe part of my new year's resolution means living in reality more. i am not sure what that will mean, but maybe i'll give it a shot.
and maybe i'll cut death cab for cutie some slack.
get well, baby girl. daddy's storing up as many kisses as you need.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Dang you, Peyton Manning
(Sports Talk Entry Number Six, Roundtable Edition)
* making my own schedule is nice, and i used this perk to my advantage to ensure i'd be home to watch the nfc and afc championship games next week. games i wanted to see? indy vs. new england & seattle vs. who-cares-as-long-as-seattle wins. games i am stuck with? denver (who i hear is good, but i haven't seen a live snap of all season) vs. pittsburgh (fat running back, underrated quarterback, coolest looking dude in the game troy polamalu). i guess i'll root for pittsburgh. i really won't know, though, 'til the game starts. note to seattle: cover steve smith and i'll get to root for you on sarah's birthday. i am still miffed that peyton sucked it up yesterday. that indy thought they could just turn it on whenever. that they rested their team for a month and paid for it by losing the game in the first 10 minutes. dang you, peyton manning. your team is so pretty to watch. i would have loved to root for you and shaun in the super bowl. oh well. go shaun.
* after attending my first nhl game last night i must say, i have underrated hockey as a spectator sport. not a tv sport. i had heard tv didn't do the game justice, and i had heard right. it's fun to watch world class athletes do their thing in person in any sport, but it was very cool to see top-flight hockey players do their thing. lots of speed. lots of hitting. lots of strategy. lots of action. it's a good thing i live four hours away from nashville or i could waste a bunch of money on the predators. good times.
* don't do this to me, alabama. don't tease me by beating kentucky at rupp. don't make me pay attention again just after i had given up all hope the second after chuck davis' acl popped. dang it. i know what's going to happen. you're going to lose to crappy state or the university of south of your momma and crush me again like you crushed me for the first two months of the season. "i wish i knew how to quit you." (note: i have not seen the gay cowboy movie, but i can't get away from it. everyone loves it. i hear it's "beautiful". "moving". "all that and a bag of chips". if you know me, you know i am not a bigot. i don't believe being gay is a choice, nor a sin. i'll fight for your rights to party and do everything that i get to do because i favor females. but the part of me that rearranges my work schedule around football and hockey will not allow me to climb aboard the gay cowboy bandwagon. call me a caveman. call me a little cynical because i wonder how "moving" the movie would be portrayed as if it were, say, billy crystal and jack palance that were making cowboy love and not two "hot" young studs. call me during brokeback mountain. my phone will not be on silent. i will not be in the theater.)
sorry.
(Sports Talk Entry Number Six, Roundtable Edition)
* making my own schedule is nice, and i used this perk to my advantage to ensure i'd be home to watch the nfc and afc championship games next week. games i wanted to see? indy vs. new england & seattle vs. who-cares-as-long-as-seattle wins. games i am stuck with? denver (who i hear is good, but i haven't seen a live snap of all season) vs. pittsburgh (fat running back, underrated quarterback, coolest looking dude in the game troy polamalu). i guess i'll root for pittsburgh. i really won't know, though, 'til the game starts. note to seattle: cover steve smith and i'll get to root for you on sarah's birthday. i am still miffed that peyton sucked it up yesterday. that indy thought they could just turn it on whenever. that they rested their team for a month and paid for it by losing the game in the first 10 minutes. dang you, peyton manning. your team is so pretty to watch. i would have loved to root for you and shaun in the super bowl. oh well. go shaun.
* after attending my first nhl game last night i must say, i have underrated hockey as a spectator sport. not a tv sport. i had heard tv didn't do the game justice, and i had heard right. it's fun to watch world class athletes do their thing in person in any sport, but it was very cool to see top-flight hockey players do their thing. lots of speed. lots of hitting. lots of strategy. lots of action. it's a good thing i live four hours away from nashville or i could waste a bunch of money on the predators. good times.
* don't do this to me, alabama. don't tease me by beating kentucky at rupp. don't make me pay attention again just after i had given up all hope the second after chuck davis' acl popped. dang it. i know what's going to happen. you're going to lose to crappy state or the university of south of your momma and crush me again like you crushed me for the first two months of the season. "i wish i knew how to quit you." (note: i have not seen the gay cowboy movie, but i can't get away from it. everyone loves it. i hear it's "beautiful". "moving". "all that and a bag of chips". if you know me, you know i am not a bigot. i don't believe being gay is a choice, nor a sin. i'll fight for your rights to party and do everything that i get to do because i favor females. but the part of me that rearranges my work schedule around football and hockey will not allow me to climb aboard the gay cowboy bandwagon. call me a caveman. call me a little cynical because i wonder how "moving" the movie would be portrayed as if it were, say, billy crystal and jack palance that were making cowboy love and not two "hot" young studs. call me during brokeback mountain. my phone will not be on silent. i will not be in the theater.)
sorry.
Friday, January 13, 2006
if you didn't see gremlins in the theater, please don't wear the t-shirt...
(is there any room left on the bandwagon?)
i get it. i am the same way. i like my pop-culture and it's phenomenons just as much as the next guy. i would wager that 25% (maybe more...maybe a lot more. hell, i don't know.) of the stuff that i get into, entertainment-wise, comes from someone else's suggestion or hype. lost falls into that number. i didn't get into it from the word go. hell, i probably avoided it last year because my stubborn side wasn't going to let anyone tell me what "the next big thing" was. not again. i had fallen for that before. of course, i was wrong. i have spent my last week and a half or so watching 24 episodes of lost, then watched a synopsis show and a new episode wednesday. last night was the first night in two weeks that i didn't have it to look forward to and i was, well, lost. it's hard to not feel like kind of a heel when you jump on someone else's bandwagon. like you don't belong. like you're late to a party that you weren't invited to. but that's ok. i'll take my licks and just ask if i can sit on the back of the lost bus. i am hooked now.
now, i have "my" shows, as i've talked about before. i think you can count yourself a bandwagon founder if you were there for something's "birth". the first episode. the first record. the first night the movie comes out. no matter the reviews. no matter how you got there. you were there first. arrested development, the office, my name is earl, twin peaks, x-files, trainspotting, bleach (nirvana), ten, princess bride, espn 2, and yes, gremlins. i was eight. eight years old when gremlins hit the theater. i went with my mom. yesterday, a kid came into the store with a gremlins t-shirt on. the kid might have been 13, maybe 14. it made me laugh and sick to my stomach at the same time.
shows like i love the 80's, 90's, 70's are cool and a cancer at the same time. why did i love the 80's? because i grew up in the freakin' 80's!!! if you were born in 1988, that doesn't count. why was this kid wearing that shirt? because it was in the retro store at the mall? because his way older brother wanted to buy him something cool? i don't know, but i don't remember him asking my permission to get on the gremlins bus with me. i am only being silly...
kind of...
"i guess this is kind of an immature prayer for people trying to find their own way." -pain...that sounds about right. we are all trying to find our own way. you are going to drive bandwagons and you are going to ride on them. i hope for your sake, that you drive more often than not. at least then you're trying. at least then you aren't waiting for someone to tell you what's what. at least then you are thinking for yourself. and if you're jumping on a bandwagon, great. just own up to it. don't tell me that gremlins is your favorite movie because there was a special gremlins-thon on tnt this weekend.
"hannah, daddy's being silly."
"silly daddy."
(is there any room left on the bandwagon?)
i get it. i am the same way. i like my pop-culture and it's phenomenons just as much as the next guy. i would wager that 25% (maybe more...maybe a lot more. hell, i don't know.) of the stuff that i get into, entertainment-wise, comes from someone else's suggestion or hype. lost falls into that number. i didn't get into it from the word go. hell, i probably avoided it last year because my stubborn side wasn't going to let anyone tell me what "the next big thing" was. not again. i had fallen for that before. of course, i was wrong. i have spent my last week and a half or so watching 24 episodes of lost, then watched a synopsis show and a new episode wednesday. last night was the first night in two weeks that i didn't have it to look forward to and i was, well, lost. it's hard to not feel like kind of a heel when you jump on someone else's bandwagon. like you don't belong. like you're late to a party that you weren't invited to. but that's ok. i'll take my licks and just ask if i can sit on the back of the lost bus. i am hooked now.
now, i have "my" shows, as i've talked about before. i think you can count yourself a bandwagon founder if you were there for something's "birth". the first episode. the first record. the first night the movie comes out. no matter the reviews. no matter how you got there. you were there first. arrested development, the office, my name is earl, twin peaks, x-files, trainspotting, bleach (nirvana), ten, princess bride, espn 2, and yes, gremlins. i was eight. eight years old when gremlins hit the theater. i went with my mom. yesterday, a kid came into the store with a gremlins t-shirt on. the kid might have been 13, maybe 14. it made me laugh and sick to my stomach at the same time.
shows like i love the 80's, 90's, 70's are cool and a cancer at the same time. why did i love the 80's? because i grew up in the freakin' 80's!!! if you were born in 1988, that doesn't count. why was this kid wearing that shirt? because it was in the retro store at the mall? because his way older brother wanted to buy him something cool? i don't know, but i don't remember him asking my permission to get on the gremlins bus with me. i am only being silly...
kind of...
"i guess this is kind of an immature prayer for people trying to find their own way." -pain...that sounds about right. we are all trying to find our own way. you are going to drive bandwagons and you are going to ride on them. i hope for your sake, that you drive more often than not. at least then you're trying. at least then you aren't waiting for someone to tell you what's what. at least then you are thinking for yourself. and if you're jumping on a bandwagon, great. just own up to it. don't tell me that gremlins is your favorite movie because there was a special gremlins-thon on tnt this weekend.
"hannah, daddy's being silly."
"silly daddy."
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
when does a church become a country club?
hannah and me (part five)
this one's going to be a little touchy, because i am sticking my nose in someone else's business, but i am hoping that getting it off my chest might relieve me of thinking about it constantly. we'll see.
i started this blog several months back when i had some pent up frustrations with my church, huffman united methodist, and that probably wasn't completely fair to huffman. why? because i've chosen to vent here (as it relates to the halloween carnival, i felt justified only in that if i had still been on staff, i would have been even more vocal in my displeasure and with my thoughts), but i haven't given the church props as often as i probably should have. for instance, with huffman's facilities, our youth center (boy scouts, girl scouts, youth, kids, blood drives etc.), education building (all sorts of community meetings, boy scouts and girl scouts again, interfaith, etc.) and our run down ivy league gym, huffman has always been more than accommodating and gracious when allowing people outside of our membership roles to use (and abuse) the campus. i am reminded of that graciousness currently because its example shines out loud compared to a church that employs my brother from another mother, andy rickles.
hopewell baptist church, in the last several months, has cut andy off at the knees when it comes to his own recreation ministry. no longer can hopewell have youth basketball teams. no longer can hopewell host the northeast birmingham church basketball league. no longer can hopewell field a men's basketball team. no longer can any team that isn't constituted by church members or their families practice in the hopewell gym. why? because some "higher-ups" don't feel comfortable with the thought of people patronizing a gym that was constructed with their hard-earned money. now, i get that. i get that feeling of selfishness. we all have it. but you're a freaking church. remember, the gospel asks us to rise above that inner selfishness and use whatever means that are at our disposal to reach those that may not be aware yet of how glorious and peaceful a life with God in Jesus can be. to have this wonderful tool, this beautiful gym, and to blatantly forbid others outside your walls to come inside is a most egregious act of hypocrisy.
during my several year stint at huffman and as commissioner of the nebcl, several churches (hopewell, clearbranch, imani, fellowship baptist, hueytown) used huffman's gym to practice and i was always proud that we could offer them a place. when i asked andy to take over as head of the league that i held so dear to me, never did i imagine that his own church, one that had been kind to the nebcl for two years, would be the one to get in the way of that. never did i imagine that his own church and it's country club stance on who can use their gym and who can't would make him wonder if hopewell was where he was supposed to be.
there are good people at hopewell. andy, april, josh, blake, matt and countless other names that don't immediately come to me but that i've had the pleasure of knowing the last few years. but there are also misguided people there, as there are everywhere at every church i suppose. people that infect the lifeblood of what church is supposed to be about. people that don't know how silly it sounds to pray "Thy will be done" and then turn their back on that prayer with their actions.
hannah, whatever is at your disposal, that it what your mother and i will teach you to use and give back. it's only right. it's only fair.
hannah and me (part five)
this one's going to be a little touchy, because i am sticking my nose in someone else's business, but i am hoping that getting it off my chest might relieve me of thinking about it constantly. we'll see.
i started this blog several months back when i had some pent up frustrations with my church, huffman united methodist, and that probably wasn't completely fair to huffman. why? because i've chosen to vent here (as it relates to the halloween carnival, i felt justified only in that if i had still been on staff, i would have been even more vocal in my displeasure and with my thoughts), but i haven't given the church props as often as i probably should have. for instance, with huffman's facilities, our youth center (boy scouts, girl scouts, youth, kids, blood drives etc.), education building (all sorts of community meetings, boy scouts and girl scouts again, interfaith, etc.) and our run down ivy league gym, huffman has always been more than accommodating and gracious when allowing people outside of our membership roles to use (and abuse) the campus. i am reminded of that graciousness currently because its example shines out loud compared to a church that employs my brother from another mother, andy rickles.
hopewell baptist church, in the last several months, has cut andy off at the knees when it comes to his own recreation ministry. no longer can hopewell have youth basketball teams. no longer can hopewell host the northeast birmingham church basketball league. no longer can hopewell field a men's basketball team. no longer can any team that isn't constituted by church members or their families practice in the hopewell gym. why? because some "higher-ups" don't feel comfortable with the thought of people patronizing a gym that was constructed with their hard-earned money. now, i get that. i get that feeling of selfishness. we all have it. but you're a freaking church. remember, the gospel asks us to rise above that inner selfishness and use whatever means that are at our disposal to reach those that may not be aware yet of how glorious and peaceful a life with God in Jesus can be. to have this wonderful tool, this beautiful gym, and to blatantly forbid others outside your walls to come inside is a most egregious act of hypocrisy.
during my several year stint at huffman and as commissioner of the nebcl, several churches (hopewell, clearbranch, imani, fellowship baptist, hueytown) used huffman's gym to practice and i was always proud that we could offer them a place. when i asked andy to take over as head of the league that i held so dear to me, never did i imagine that his own church, one that had been kind to the nebcl for two years, would be the one to get in the way of that. never did i imagine that his own church and it's country club stance on who can use their gym and who can't would make him wonder if hopewell was where he was supposed to be.
there are good people at hopewell. andy, april, josh, blake, matt and countless other names that don't immediately come to me but that i've had the pleasure of knowing the last few years. but there are also misguided people there, as there are everywhere at every church i suppose. people that infect the lifeblood of what church is supposed to be about. people that don't know how silly it sounds to pray "Thy will be done" and then turn their back on that prayer with their actions.
hannah, whatever is at your disposal, that it what your mother and i will teach you to use and give back. it's only right. it's only fair.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
i'm not a businessman. i'm a business, man.
what's important to you?
i am not a rap guy. i like real music. i like my guitars loud and frenzied. i like my vocals stretched and sometimes off key. i like my rhythm section to sound like they've played together before. synthesizers, beat machines, recycled motown, loops...all of this stuff starts to sound the same to me. boasting. about what you have. about what you didn't have. about what you will have. it all sounds so petty and unoriginal. now, this isn't all rap. i don't guess. it's a lot of it. even the "brilliance" of kanye west contains stereotype on top of stereotype. but you know what i do like? putting some kanye on and watching my two year-old shake that two year-old booty. what's important to you?
listen. stop it. you are not this unhappy. you are not this unique. your problems are not so new and complicated that you couldn't just talk to someone about it. that might make you feel better. you know. talking. not typing. i type because it's fun, but it doesn't make anything better. the only thing that does is a conversation. hearing someone's voice. seeing their face react to the words that are coming out of your mouth. give me a fucking break with all your sob stories and lost love and all your other shit that you are too scared to say out loud. for that matter, you're even afraid to type it. why? what's important to you?
a day wasted is a sad day. you might be tired. you might be sad. you have that right. you have to be sad sometimes. but why stay sad when there is so much to be happy about. what's important to you?
the end of common ground reared it's head this week. phase one is over. phase two is in the balance. i can't say that we didn't try. i can say that it's a shame. when something you've invested in doesn't take off, do you cut your losses or do you pour more into it with the risk that you'll lose that too? i am not a gambler, but i will take a risk. as it relates to common ground, every risk has paid off. i have tried something new. my family has gotten stronger. i have a new job that i can't stand the thought of leaving. i have a new disrespect for people that can't be honest with the ones they allegedly care about. all good things. really good things. this is how we grow. not by gambling. but by taking risks. what's important to you?
i am not a business man anymore.
i am a business, man. the ceo of kevin michael o'kelley. i know what's important to me.
what's important to you? do you know? are you pretending?
are you looking in the right places? or are you defined each day by the quote on your calendar?
i guess we'll see.
what's important to you?
i am not a rap guy. i like real music. i like my guitars loud and frenzied. i like my vocals stretched and sometimes off key. i like my rhythm section to sound like they've played together before. synthesizers, beat machines, recycled motown, loops...all of this stuff starts to sound the same to me. boasting. about what you have. about what you didn't have. about what you will have. it all sounds so petty and unoriginal. now, this isn't all rap. i don't guess. it's a lot of it. even the "brilliance" of kanye west contains stereotype on top of stereotype. but you know what i do like? putting some kanye on and watching my two year-old shake that two year-old booty. what's important to you?
listen. stop it. you are not this unhappy. you are not this unique. your problems are not so new and complicated that you couldn't just talk to someone about it. that might make you feel better. you know. talking. not typing. i type because it's fun, but it doesn't make anything better. the only thing that does is a conversation. hearing someone's voice. seeing their face react to the words that are coming out of your mouth. give me a fucking break with all your sob stories and lost love and all your other shit that you are too scared to say out loud. for that matter, you're even afraid to type it. why? what's important to you?
a day wasted is a sad day. you might be tired. you might be sad. you have that right. you have to be sad sometimes. but why stay sad when there is so much to be happy about. what's important to you?
the end of common ground reared it's head this week. phase one is over. phase two is in the balance. i can't say that we didn't try. i can say that it's a shame. when something you've invested in doesn't take off, do you cut your losses or do you pour more into it with the risk that you'll lose that too? i am not a gambler, but i will take a risk. as it relates to common ground, every risk has paid off. i have tried something new. my family has gotten stronger. i have a new job that i can't stand the thought of leaving. i have a new disrespect for people that can't be honest with the ones they allegedly care about. all good things. really good things. this is how we grow. not by gambling. but by taking risks. what's important to you?
i am not a business man anymore.
i am a business, man. the ceo of kevin michael o'kelley. i know what's important to me.
what's important to you? do you know? are you pretending?
are you looking in the right places? or are you defined each day by the quote on your calendar?
i guess we'll see.
Friday, January 06, 2006
That Kid
vince young may not be God, but he sure as hell gave us a good look at what He might look like if He strapped on a helmet, shoulderpads, and donned Texas' glorious all white uni's. A few days removed, anything that i might say here would just be retread of what has already been said about vince young. but in this age of hyperbole and "instant classics", it was hard not to feel like you were witnessing a little piece of something that no one had ever seen before. driving up to work yesterday morning, i heard a perfect analogy (and one that had entered my mind wednesday night) as it related to vince's exploits in the rose bowl. the talking head said something along the lines of, "you remember that kid in the neighborhood that nobody could stop when you were playing backyard football? well, vince young was that kid last night on the biggest stage that there is in college football." the guy was right. like i said, it had crossed my mind too. vince young was just better than everyone he was playing against. i never was that kid when i was growing up. i was good. sometimes even close to the best, but never the kid that no one could stop. i don't guess i had that kid on my street when i was growing up. but i played against that kid in rec parks growing up. it just wasn't fair, but it was fun to watch.
i am sure usc felt that way wednesday night. or will soon. yeah, it sucked that they lost. but someday they will get to tell their wives, their kids, and their grandkids that they went toe to toe with that kid, with vince young, and almost came out on top.
but isn't that the funny part? almost doesn't count. no, "i am going to be gino torretta in the pros" leinart. your team wasn't the better team. almost doesn't count in football. in sports.
reggie bush has "it". the wow factor. he's going to be awesome. but on wednesday night, he wasn't that kid.
vince young was.
what i wouldn't give to be that kid.
vince young may not be God, but he sure as hell gave us a good look at what He might look like if He strapped on a helmet, shoulderpads, and donned Texas' glorious all white uni's. A few days removed, anything that i might say here would just be retread of what has already been said about vince young. but in this age of hyperbole and "instant classics", it was hard not to feel like you were witnessing a little piece of something that no one had ever seen before. driving up to work yesterday morning, i heard a perfect analogy (and one that had entered my mind wednesday night) as it related to vince's exploits in the rose bowl. the talking head said something along the lines of, "you remember that kid in the neighborhood that nobody could stop when you were playing backyard football? well, vince young was that kid last night on the biggest stage that there is in college football." the guy was right. like i said, it had crossed my mind too. vince young was just better than everyone he was playing against. i never was that kid when i was growing up. i was good. sometimes even close to the best, but never the kid that no one could stop. i don't guess i had that kid on my street when i was growing up. but i played against that kid in rec parks growing up. it just wasn't fair, but it was fun to watch.
i am sure usc felt that way wednesday night. or will soon. yeah, it sucked that they lost. but someday they will get to tell their wives, their kids, and their grandkids that they went toe to toe with that kid, with vince young, and almost came out on top.
but isn't that the funny part? almost doesn't count. no, "i am going to be gino torretta in the pros" leinart. your team wasn't the better team. almost doesn't count in football. in sports.
reggie bush has "it". the wow factor. he's going to be awesome. but on wednesday night, he wasn't that kid.
vince young was.
what i wouldn't give to be that kid.
Monday, January 02, 2006
"This is Alabama Football"
Sports Talk Entry Number Five
holy crap. if this is alabama football, i hope that someone will shoot it soon (old yeller style, 'cuz this thing is sick) and put it out of it's misery. i want a reincarnation. something new. something that's not painful to watch. thus ends the era of my generation's most over-hyped and overrated quarterback, one brodie croyle. i have said it before, but good riddance to him and welcome to whosoever might take the reins of this very vanilla offense. my gut wants to see what jimmy johns could bring to the table. my head tells me that shula will make the safe choice in underwhelming local boy, john parker wilson. i am going to need my program to recognize all the new starters on D game one next year. 10-2??? ten wins. how did that happen? boy, that defense must've been really, really good. they were today. even anthony madison. so long, demeco...and charlie, and roman, and freddie. ten wins??? no way that should've been the case. good job, D. good job, indeed.
the falcons are not playing in the post-season. what's worse...knowing the braves will lose in the playoffs, or not making the playoffs at all. that's tough. i am so disappointed in the falcons. in michael vick. so disappointed that i would want terrell owens to come play with mike? gosh, that's scary. i would take it.
this excerpt taken from mark gottfried's office the day after signing day..."well, coach, we did good this year."... gottfried: "yeah, i think we did. we kept richie hendrix from the nba. that alonzo gee really can jump. with the frontline we've got coming back, there's gonna be no stopping us this year. no stopping us."..."uh...coach? i think we may have forgotten something."...gottfried: "what are you talking about?"..."we didn't recruit any guards. ronald steele is the only guy on our team that can dribble or shoot."...gottfried: "what are you talking about? we've got shelton and kennedy winston both coming back. we are going to be lights out!"..."coach, kennedy left and shelton graduated."...gottfried: "are you shittin' me?"..."no, coach." gottfried: "oh, well, don't worry about it. i can coach us out of this. i can coach us out of anything. when i take my coat off, it's like the incredible hulk. i get stronger and crazy and i'll be the best coach in the sec."..."uh, coach, david banner loses most of his intelligence when he turns into the hulk. he gets really stupid."...gottfried: "yeah? well, i'll just keep my coat on, then, and play the white boy a lot. that'll work."..."right, coach."
mark freakin' gottfried...worst...game coach....ever.
when does football season start?
Sports Talk Entry Number Five
holy crap. if this is alabama football, i hope that someone will shoot it soon (old yeller style, 'cuz this thing is sick) and put it out of it's misery. i want a reincarnation. something new. something that's not painful to watch. thus ends the era of my generation's most over-hyped and overrated quarterback, one brodie croyle. i have said it before, but good riddance to him and welcome to whosoever might take the reins of this very vanilla offense. my gut wants to see what jimmy johns could bring to the table. my head tells me that shula will make the safe choice in underwhelming local boy, john parker wilson. i am going to need my program to recognize all the new starters on D game one next year. 10-2??? ten wins. how did that happen? boy, that defense must've been really, really good. they were today. even anthony madison. so long, demeco...and charlie, and roman, and freddie. ten wins??? no way that should've been the case. good job, D. good job, indeed.
the falcons are not playing in the post-season. what's worse...knowing the braves will lose in the playoffs, or not making the playoffs at all. that's tough. i am so disappointed in the falcons. in michael vick. so disappointed that i would want terrell owens to come play with mike? gosh, that's scary. i would take it.
this excerpt taken from mark gottfried's office the day after signing day..."well, coach, we did good this year."... gottfried: "yeah, i think we did. we kept richie hendrix from the nba. that alonzo gee really can jump. with the frontline we've got coming back, there's gonna be no stopping us this year. no stopping us."..."uh...coach? i think we may have forgotten something."...gottfried: "what are you talking about?"..."we didn't recruit any guards. ronald steele is the only guy on our team that can dribble or shoot."...gottfried: "what are you talking about? we've got shelton and kennedy winston both coming back. we are going to be lights out!"..."coach, kennedy left and shelton graduated."...gottfried: "are you shittin' me?"..."no, coach." gottfried: "oh, well, don't worry about it. i can coach us out of this. i can coach us out of anything. when i take my coat off, it's like the incredible hulk. i get stronger and crazy and i'll be the best coach in the sec."..."uh, coach, david banner loses most of his intelligence when he turns into the hulk. he gets really stupid."...gottfried: "yeah? well, i'll just keep my coat on, then, and play the white boy a lot. that'll work."..."right, coach."
mark freakin' gottfried...worst...game coach....ever.
when does football season start?
Sunday, January 01, 2006
"take the map and tear it up. we'll find our way anyway.
we'd never gotten this far had we followed the road." - pain
good ole pain. another one of my bands that has long since passed. midgets with guns remains a classic to this day and derision one of it's most underrated songs. just throwing that out there.
yesterday was a good and fitting end to a good and fitting year. there wasn't anything stressful to get ready for. nothing to be anxious about. just several episodes of lost, a fun(ny) trip to the playground, a long overdue (and enlightening) trip to my grandmother's house, and a very surreal trip to costa's bbq in huffman.
the conversation with my grandmother and the drive-thru experience at costa's told me a lot about myself. where i have been. where i am now. where i will go from here. it wasn't long ago that the brothers o'kelley would have taught the lady in the drive-thru an unsolicited lesson in patience and never thought ourselves the worse for it. it wasn't long ago that the early afternooon conversation would have surprised me or hurt me a lot more than it did yesterday.
"i grow older and wiser", i said in an earlier post. most of us do. some of us don't. "kevin's going to ruin this afternoon."? really? how. by bringing fruitcake? by making a scene? oh, silly, that's not my bag. it's yours, don't you know?
"him or me."? you chose wrong.
january the first, 2006. i will turn thirty this year. a very young thirty. goodness. i have made a pledge to live this year and the rest that i am allowed like i have something to prove. that means spending a lot less time on the people and things that make me sad and a lot more on the people and things that make me happy. my wife and child and their families. my friends. my paying job. my non-paying jobs. my brother that i may not see for a while but my brother that i feel has finally become a man. don't listen to what you may hear. he's doing better. he's clean. he's all cut up. he could always kick your ass, just now he'll remember it. he's got a tan. he's got a girl. someone that makes him want to be better. not someone (like i used to be) that thinks he should be better because it would reflect better on them. i'll pray for him now. not just for me.
it's a funny thing that happens when you find yourself and buy into it. things seem easier. time doesn't go by quite as fast. you don't need a map anymore. or quotes. or memories to erase or make right.
this is a new year. this is a new me.
thank You for the help. i needed it.
this is going to be a good year. a slow, good year.
we'd never gotten this far had we followed the road." - pain
good ole pain. another one of my bands that has long since passed. midgets with guns remains a classic to this day and derision one of it's most underrated songs. just throwing that out there.
yesterday was a good and fitting end to a good and fitting year. there wasn't anything stressful to get ready for. nothing to be anxious about. just several episodes of lost, a fun(ny) trip to the playground, a long overdue (and enlightening) trip to my grandmother's house, and a very surreal trip to costa's bbq in huffman.
the conversation with my grandmother and the drive-thru experience at costa's told me a lot about myself. where i have been. where i am now. where i will go from here. it wasn't long ago that the brothers o'kelley would have taught the lady in the drive-thru an unsolicited lesson in patience and never thought ourselves the worse for it. it wasn't long ago that the early afternooon conversation would have surprised me or hurt me a lot more than it did yesterday.
"i grow older and wiser", i said in an earlier post. most of us do. some of us don't. "kevin's going to ruin this afternoon."? really? how. by bringing fruitcake? by making a scene? oh, silly, that's not my bag. it's yours, don't you know?
"him or me."? you chose wrong.
january the first, 2006. i will turn thirty this year. a very young thirty. goodness. i have made a pledge to live this year and the rest that i am allowed like i have something to prove. that means spending a lot less time on the people and things that make me sad and a lot more on the people and things that make me happy. my wife and child and their families. my friends. my paying job. my non-paying jobs. my brother that i may not see for a while but my brother that i feel has finally become a man. don't listen to what you may hear. he's doing better. he's clean. he's all cut up. he could always kick your ass, just now he'll remember it. he's got a tan. he's got a girl. someone that makes him want to be better. not someone (like i used to be) that thinks he should be better because it would reflect better on them. i'll pray for him now. not just for me.
it's a funny thing that happens when you find yourself and buy into it. things seem easier. time doesn't go by quite as fast. you don't need a map anymore. or quotes. or memories to erase or make right.
this is a new year. this is a new me.
thank You for the help. i needed it.
this is going to be a good year. a slow, good year.
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