Sunday, June 28, 2009

a quick post-mortem


so, did you watch?...

what did you think?...

brazil was just better, right?

color me just as surprised as any fan rooting for the huge upset with the us' first-half performance. not only were both goals completely legitimate and not fluky, but they were, in fact, wonderful pieces of soccer. as i mentioned last post, clint dempsey has tons of talent, and it took every bit of it to put the deft touch on spector's cross and redirect it towards the back of the net. even more impressive was the back and forth between landon and davies, ending with a money finish by landon, often criticized for padding his "goals scored" with penalty kicks and infrequently scoring during run of play. seriously, the second goal was just magnificent, and with those goals accompanying the truth that was every touch by benny feilhaber, i could feel the upset in my toes. i even did a lap around the kitchen with both my hands raised after going up 2-0.

and then brazil woke up.

the difference between the spain match and today's was the early us advantage was a genuine product of them outplaying the more talented brazilians. i didn't get the feeling that brazil was coasting. but one could totally understand the thought (if it was there) that they might not need an a-plus effort against a squad they torched just over a week ago.

i can imagine being in the brazil locker room at halftime. i can visualize the coach of brazil calmly addressing his team and telling them to attack. and they did. just over a minute into the second half, brazil scored. and they took off from there. not a moment played out in the last forty-five where the us felt like the better side. the talent from brazil just screamed out of the television. kaka and robinho and luis fabiano were dominant. and try as they may, and they did try, the us was no match.

my only complaint may be an ignorant one, but i only hope, that after being used off the bench for the first four games of the tournament, benny had run out of gas when he was taken out of the game with fifteen minutes to play. he (and landon in spots) was the most composed us player on the ball all day. sharp with the ball, i only remember him turning the ball over once. and to my surprise, he was pretty tough on defense. taking one of only two true playmakers off the field with the balance still up for debate made little sense. again, i'll just hope that he didn't have anything left in the tank.

i wished for a competitive match to watch, and it was that. moving forward and back into qualifying for a return trip to south africa next year will provide bob bradley with too many tough decisions. is right back now spector's position to lose, or will cherundolo be the guy now that he's getting healthy? is charlie davies in the long term plans? how does benny not play all game every game from this point out? have we really seen the last of demarcus beasley?

the team that showed up for the last three games of this tournament should, theoretically, mow through every qualifying opponent and clinch their spot in next year's world cup sooner rather than later. will they?

i hope so. if nothing else, the last couple of matches have gotten me excited again about us soccer. i couldn't have said that this time eight days ago.

tough loss, but a deserved one. keep moving forward.

Friday, June 26, 2009

anatomy of an upset a lucky result based on good effort and the other team not showing up


chris perry has already tempted me to try and correlate us soccer's unexpected victory over soccer giants, spain, wednesday afternoon to the possibility of huffman (church) pulling the same type of upset over it's current situation and defeat...something. but i'll not do it. not today. well, not in this opening paragraph anyway. we'll see where this goes.

the victory was stunning in a lot of ways, but not so stunning in others. let's take a look.

(pause while half of the six people that read this blog check out because i am going to ramble about something they care nothing about)

(they'll be sorry when i bash the new preacher late in the post)

ok...we're back. here's the take home point to the glory that was the triumph wednesday afternoon. it shouldn't have felt so surprising.

for years now, us soccer has been touting "project 2010". the idea behind it being that, four years later, every ounce of potential and energy would be squeezed out of the developing young players that disappointed in the 2006 world cup. that roster would be infused with even newer and more exciting talent coming through the us soccer pipeline. qualifying for the tournament, itself, would be a breeze and nothing more than an afterthought to the ultimate goal. to "compete" in the 2010 world cup as if us soccer had "arrived". the us would never be the favorite, but the world would not see the us knocking off stiff competition as fluky, moreso an announcement that this country must now be understood as a legitimate threat and consistently be found in the top ten of the fifa world rankings. it hasn't worked out that way.

the roster at this week's confederation cup is not drastically different than four years ago. our best player is still landon donovan, and he still isn't good enough (unfortunately, his age now suggests he never will be) to force his will on another team. and therein lies the biggest problem. the us guy doesn't have a star position player. not one. the us always has a quality, if not world-class, goalkeeper, and this team is no different with tim howard. but a goalkeeper can't win games for you. he can only keep you in them. to win the games you must find a way to use your available resources in a way that trumps the other team's resources. in that regard, the us is always behind the eight ball. on paper against big time teams, our talent is nowhere close to a spain, england, brazil, etc. not close. the us does not have one world respected player not in goal. not one! using the idea of and the goals set forth by project 2010, the us is failing to make the global impact necessary to be a legitimate power.

so, where does the fault for this lie? who knows. it makes no sense to me that we can't develop a left or right back that can go forward and impact a game like a sergio ramos from spain. it makes no sense to me that, with all the kids in this country that play soccer growing up, we still haven't found a replacement in our midfield for tab ramos, the last us player that always looked comfortable with the ball at his feet, even in traffic. it makes no sense to me that we can't develop a striker with more skill than "man, he's strong. look at that jozy go. too bad he can't dribble." or a guy that's only good in the air. is it how we train? is it a lack of quality competition once you graduate high school in this country? it's not that we don't have athletes. we have guys that can run. we have big, strong defenders. to use a baseball term, we just don't have any "five-tool" guys. guys that can do everything well. landon's as close as we have, but he has too much of a tendency to disappear into unselfishness when he finds himself in "big" games.

here are the highlights to wednesday's upset...

tim howard - freakishly good, as he is capable of being every game.

oguchi onyewu - terribly solid. controlled the middle most of the game.

landon - wasn't a superstar, but has played two consecutive solid games.

the so-so's...

jozy - his goal was one good, strong turn and a lucky break from the spanish goalkeeper. he kicked the ball right down the middle and the keeper was leaning wrong. otherwise, he turned the ball over way too much. goal counts, though.

michael bradley - never exciting, but did his job for the most part.

rest of the backline - solid, bend-don't-break defense all night.

the one shining moments...

clint dempsey - he is the yunel escobar of this team. lots of talent. unfortunately, is aware he has lots of talent. allows talent to carry him only so far. never actually exploits talent to carry him to next level. has the potential to own this team. will never happen. got lucky that sergio ramos lost him for the second goal. can thank benny and landon for getting the ball to him.

listen, i appreciate the team's effort, but spain was the better side all game. way more talent. way more possession. way more chances. way more shots.

but in soccer, none of that matters if you can score the first goal. after that, you can defend like crazy with ten guys (like the us did, give them credit for that) and make it immensely difficult for the other team to score (which the us did, give them credit for that).

and so it happened. an underachieving soccer country (based on it's own goals) lived up to it's stated potential for one day. the true test will be sunday when they play a team in brazil that's just as talented as spain and will not take them for granted. when they play a team that has already embarrassed them 10 days earlier. if they can beat brazil sunday, now that will be worth an epic post.

as for the humc comparisons, we'll hold off on that. currently, the church doesn't have anything like project 2010 to measure itself against. we are trying to work out of "project...hey, what was our project again???". when we start setting goals and making plans for our future, maybe then we can compare ourselves to us soccer.

'til then, watch the game sunday afternoon and you tell me, score notwithstanding, who the better team is/was. if my man, benny, gets to play the whole game, the us will stand a better chance of being in the conversation.

do you hear me, bob bradley? benny feilhaber for 90 minutes, please!!!

hey, he didn't say anything about the pastor!

would you just go watch some soccer?!?!?

Sunday, June 21, 2009

"that's just the way things are...
(...that's just the way it is now")


i would argue that you don't know the true meaning of father's day until you've heard your five year-old daughter sing a rancid song right along with you on your way to church. it really is the little things in life, isn't it? no. not usually. 'cause i would consider hannah singing a ska track by one of her daddy's favorite bands pretty damn big. this, mind you, followed hannah presenting me with my official father's day gift, a t-shirt with a big ass guitar on it. also very cool.

when i grow up, i may still become a dad whose kids get him socks and a tie on father's day. today, it's quite the pleasant feeling that hannah wouldn't even have reason to think of something so boring as these as an offering to this, the most current iteration of her "daddy".

as my own personal character arc and redemption story continues to find it's footing, this morning officially saw our church beginning a new season after her severe and umpteenth course-correction. as fun and celebratory as last week felt, vacation bible school sunday was the pilot with the big budget, if you will. this morning was episode one. producers cringe in the corner of their office biting their fingernails. what will people think when the pomp is removed? how will this circumstance, the one that will and should feel like most services, feel? like something worth getting excited about? like something worth coming back for? like something worth giving a few weeks to play out? like "well, that was ok, but we'll probably try another channel next week."? like, well, what?

week one felt stressless, for one. from the sound booth, i would make sure the four speakers could be heard (check.). i would take some mental notes for the post that was sure to follow (check.). and i would try and soak it in and feel like i was worshipping for a change (half-check.). i think one of the weird things about the position i've put myself in (completely on me. believe me.) at my church is i don't feel like i worship anymore. i enjoy singing the hymns loudly and proudly. i affirm my faith and make intentional attempts to change the inflection in my voice so as to escape falling prey to a monotonous and empty-headed routine. after that, all bets have seemed to be off. wanting nothing more to feel like everyone is on the same page and moving together to create a wonderful service, for years now, i sit and wait for the first and next mistake.

awesome. they're reading the wrong scripture.

why are we singing the wrong song?

why is he singing again?

wow. really? another verse.

that prayer request you gave me about the dead young man. where did i put that?

why is that mic not on?

why is that mic still on?

don't bring up your last mistake. don't bring up your last mistake.

cripes. that joke wasn't funny at all.

geez. they just referenced the bad joke again.

didn't i see that story in an e-mail forward?

did they just not credit snopes?

that communion server dude just sneezed into his hand...after the blessing of the sanitizer.

note to self: don't go in that dude's line.

it's simple folks. we don't move 'til after the cross leaves.

and so on.

it's been a horrible way to spend the worship hour. i know it. sarah knows it. my family that i share most sunday lunches with knows it. my friends know it. but i can't get out of the cycle. it's just been too easy to anticipate and see the same trainwreck happen week after week after week. we can't seem to get out of our way. and we can't seem to care, collectively, enough to try and fix the problems.

and so, thanks to the itinerant system we pledge to, we course-correct. start all over. hop back to the future with someone that's bound that be good-hearted and just open-minded enough to accept us, flaws included. with someone that will want what is best for our church and what is best for our "family". with someone that will have a philosophy that's different from "the last guy" but not so different that we have to go baptist or something (zing!).

if this morning's any indication, we have a product that is worth selling. a product less piano man, less serious voice and (hopefully) less D-R-A-M-A than what we're used to. which, in my opinion (which counts for jack-zero), are all good things. i pray that we move into our "first 90 days" with honest effort and expectations and go from there. no goal-setting just yet. maybe just a hope that, sometime in the future, we'll be well-oiled to the point of not having to pay attention to the trees anymore. a hope to see the forest again. man, that would be nice.

(sings hannah) "that's just the way things are...that's just the way it is now." (faded hornline)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

"you're so money and you don't even know it."


there's a good chance that you are missing something special that's right here, under your nose. if you are a casual or committed visitor to this page, you may or you may not have tried out any of the links to your right in an effort "to pass the time". if you have, you've probably noticed that most of the blogs that i've linked to never update. you may also have noticed that i refuse to believe my favorite nfl player of all time doesn't share a relationship with my favorite team anymore. to the former point, though, if the lack of updates have caused you to stop checking one blog in particular, well, then, i am here today to tell you you're missing out.

scrolling down a page and following directions can, sometimes, be tiresome, so i am going to do all of the work for you. every link you'll need to be in the know and join in the fun will be connected to this post. don't you worry.

now, what the hell are you talking about?

i am getting to it. i just want to make sure and not sell the effort short, because the effort of it all is what truly mesmerizes me.

a young man, jacob sutton, that found his way through my youth group at huffman is currently hiking the appalachian trail. not part of it, mind you, but his goal is to hike the entire freaking thing!

now, at this point in our respective lives, i would call jacob a friend. i think he would probably say the same about me. i hope so. a relationship forged initially with me in the role of mentor and him figuratively under my wing has transitioned (as most of those relationships have) into one of mutual respect and admiration. one that has no problem finding bad to decent mexican food to serve as catalyst to conversations ranging from recalling the "good ole days" to wondering what this crazy life is all about already.

having said all of that, i will say that i don't know jacob inside and out, and there are parts of him that i don't fully understand.

first and foremost, why on god's green and mountainous earth would he want to spend five months out in the forests of several states traveling on foot to godknowswhere, maine??? this mystery, above all others in my life currently, is keeping me up on some nights, on those nights that i choose to think too hard about it.

to me and in my own very narrow-minded opinion, there has got to be something tangible that drives jacob and others to do such a thing. as cool and critical to whomever's life experience i could be thinking about right now, this is something different than a month spent overseas, studying and soaking in a culture different than your own. i know the two experiences share parallels, but they are...different. different in ways that, both, are amazing and fun for me to think about. different in ways that convince me i have very little interest in mirroring either type of experience.

similar in that, to a homebody like myself, they both incite the always present question of "why?" and "wheretofore?", the answers to which i find most fascinating and enlightening.

where is jacob going? and i don't mean, "where in maine...?"

why is he going? and i don't mean to hear, "because he can."

what is there to find? it surely can't just be about the bears, right?

and maybe it is. and maybe it's not. that's all part of it. and i love that he's doing it. because i never could. because i don't like being wet. and i don't like bugs. and i hate when my feet are sore. and i think mountains are god's way of telling me that i should go back to where i came from. and i know that unless it's about sports or fistfights, i am a pretty whiny little girl.

i am comfortable in my own skin, love it or leave it. when i have traveled in my life, the experiences have only illuminated that i am where i am supposed to be. some birds need to fly away to find themselves. some only need to be punched in the face. count me in the second group. and count me happy to say that with confidence at a relatively young age. i don't begrudge the flyers. i only hope to understand them more. at least, those that i care about.

jacob is a flyer, and i only wish to understand him more.

i feel lucky that he's opened up this journey for "all the world to see". it's likely you have no idea (at least yet) that he's gone. you do now. you can know more too if you are interested.

turns out, it seems like one of jacob's many talents is seeing the world as a camera might find her. click here for proof.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jacobdsutton/

turns out, it seems like one of jacob's many talents is describing his voyage on the good ship "AT" in a way that makes you feel like you are there with him. click here for proof.

http://trailjournals.com/jacob

i am quite aware of the many, many books that have been written about the appalachian trail, it's history, it's purpose, it's champions, it's detractors, the victors, the spoils and every life that's been touched and published because their feet touched that dirt. i don't know those people, though, and they don't really interest me.

i know jacob. he is quite interesting. and so i am living the journey, his journey, vicariously through him in the hopes that i'll know him better when and if he ever comes home. i'd invite you to do the same. i would tell you that it's worth your time. he is, after all, one of us.

that hasn't always mattered, but maybe it should. and maybe that might help solve some of our problems going forward. how will you know if you don't give it a shot, right?

jacob has a long way to go, yet.

he and i, both.

care to follow?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

if a preacher preaches on his first sunday at his new church and i am not there to hear it, does it really happen?


abso-freaking-lutely, it does!!!

to a (wo)man, every person that i had the chance to ask about today's service gave it a resounding thumb's up. i heard a few grumbles about some sound glitches, but vbs sunday can be a bear to technically prepare for. we'll just have to prepare better next year. whatareyougonnado now, right?

what made my sunday is that, in the past (especially if i was the one reviewing the goings-on), the sound problems would have been the story. what everyone remembered. what no one could get past. and what i would lose sleep over that night. to the worship leader's and congregation's credit, that doesn't seem to be the case this afternoon.

the story was vbs, and i didn't even have to be in the sanctuary to know it. more cars in the parking lot. non-member kids in their blue vbs t-shirts streaming into the church. the lack of significant attrition between the service attendance and the lunch attendance. the buzz was palpable, even through the torrential downpour. it was all about the kids. and the workers that made the kids happy this week. and the stories that the kids and the workers got to share through songs and slideshows and participation in "big church".

oh yeah...we welcomed a new pastor into the fold today too. i'll let the mere fact of that piece of news not being the lead item in this post speak for itself. from what i hear, he stayed humble and true to his role and made sure all the focus was directed toward the kids. {golf clap} good show, sir. well played.

the softball team and i will make hamburgers and hot dogs for you every sunday (on katie and amy's dime, of course) if we knew that's what it would take to turn this sunday into a microcosm of who we are (and can be) as a church.

there's that word again.

i really do hate that i wasn't inside today, watching hannah swallow some anxiety and making a personal leap, herself. i was where i was supposed to be, though. it feels like we all were. rain or shine.

for one day, i am happy.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

so, i guess we've got a new pastor, huh?


it's really hard to believe that there's only one day left in vbs, 2009. the week has flown by, seemingly faster than ever before. is that really the case? no, of course not. it's the same length as it always is and has been. each day passes quickly. the storytelling room's schedule started us every morning with a weird hour long "break". so, when the groups have finally come, they've come back to back to back to back and then the day is over. maybe that, moreso than any other reason, is why the week has scurried by in such an awkward feeling way.

and so, this time tomorrow, all will be done (with my part, at least) until 2010, the first year hannah will be eligible to come to the elementary-age storytelling room. that will either be a treat or a nightmare. i guess we'll just have to wait and see how much the big girl matures during her first year at big school.

as i walked into the sanctuary this morning, i stumbled across our sprc chair and new pastor, brother harris hand. the meeting was refreshingly underwhelming, as it very well should have been. i have had mixed feelings about the departure of chris d. over the last month or so, thoughts that i've chosen to keep mostly to myself. if i didn't, someone might tell me to look in the mirror again, and, really, i can't stand my crooked teeth. "the church" was ready for a new pastor. i think chris d. needed a new start too. but i don't know if i'd truly characterize my feelings over the new start and the run-in this morning as something so cliche' as a "breath of fresh air" as much as i may say it felt "nice". yes. friendly and nice. not altogether different than the first time i met forest lake's new pastor.

we'll see where this new road takes us. we'll see if we can make good, on both sides, on our "first 90 days" promises. we'll see if we can be open and honest now rather than, again, once it's too late.

for now, though, i don't really care. for tonight, i am happy at having had such a wonderful week with the kids of huffman and the kids of humc. thanks to tanya and stephanie for having me back. thanks to everyone (joseph, joe c., christina, cookie, katie, amy) that's played such a huge role in the storytelling room. you all are incredible! and thanks, ms. myles, for the best compliment anyone has paid me in a long time.

i love vbs.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

hannah and caroline and me
(part thirty-one)
((when unfair doesn't seem to cover it))


more than likely, you don't know marvin smith. shoot, i don't really know marvin smith. marvin was best friends with a young man on my staff.

after the 2008 softball season ended, we kicked off pick-up basketball just like we always do. i sent e-mails out. tried to get commitments from guys to play 6 out of the scheduled 8 games we always play in the birmingham baptist association's men - 19 and over basketball league. some guys waivered or said they would play and then e-mailed me or sent word with someone else that they were too busy to make the commitment. that's fair i guess. it's never not frustrating. i have a hard time reconciling why everyone in the world wouldn't want to play church league basketball and softball as badly as i do. but they don't. and i get burned by thinking they should at the beginning of every sports season we embark on. i'd like to think that it's unfair to me. there is a small and selfish part of me that thinks, "well, i've been rocking and rolling with these teams for close to ten years now. sometimes you show up. sometimes you don't. sometimes you pay. sometimes you don't. it's never really any skin off your back, right? the least you could do is make the team a priority or give me just a little notice that i need to look elsewhere to fill your spot." like i say, it's small and selfish, and i don't dwell on it any longer than i feel like we're short or short on money, but it bothers me anyway.

well, after enough commitments and decommits that would make even your most seasoned recruiter belabored with the process, i asked my employee, jacob, if he'd be interested in playing with us. he jumped at the chance. he had heard me talking about the team for a couple months and was dropping hints left and right that he could play and he could bring one of his buddies with him if we needed him to. finally, tired and ready to take the stance of "i'd rather have too many than too few like we had last year", i told jacob to come on out and bring his buddy with him.

that buddy ended up being marvin smith. the night i met marvin he was at the gym before anyone else. he was soft-spoken. slender. nice as he could be. we shot around and warmed up just like we always do. i jotted down a brief scouting report in my head concerning what i thought marvin could add to the team. "he's a slasher. jumps really high. can get his own shot. rebounds hard." he would fit right in. that first night, he and i went back and forth (along with a couple other guys) lighting the opposing team(s) up. marvin and i were on opposite sides most games and found ourselves guarding each other for a lot of the night. not knowing each other's tendencies, inevitably he gave me too many open looks from 18 feet that i nailed and i gave myself way too much defensive credit thinking that he couldn't take me off the dribble (he could...any time he wanted.) basketball-wise and personally, he had my respect immediately and i felt like i had his. late in what was probably our fourth game of the night, i drove to the basket. marvin was playing centerfield, middle of the lane. as i approached him, i leaped and threw up and over him the most perfect teardrop shot i've ever made. his hand was stretched well above the rim and from my vantage point, i had no idea how i got the ball past his fingers. the ball fell softly through the net. i smiled at him. he smiled at me and said, "you're a player".

i am not, but he was sweet to say it and i was lucky that i was having a good night. that night was the most fun i had all season. marvin and jacob, both, ended up playing in all eight games with us. for the most part, we were terrible. never had a consistent group show up. never developed any real chemistry. never really understood our roles. it was tough. we played good teams close in a few games, but we still lost. a lot. it was miserable. i had never been so happy to finish up a season. but as we put our sweats on and headed out after our last game in early february to head our separate ways, we were able to joke about how bad we were. i thanked marvin and jacob for filling out our roster and told marvin i'd be seeing him around (he still owed me money) or i'd come find him.

marvin died in a car accident early, this past saturday morning. i'll never see him again.

i didn't really know marvin, but when jacob told me about his accident, it struck me to my core. i was at the store saturday night and i had to walk in the office and close the door a couple of times to compose myself. "fuck me.", i thought. he was only twenty years old. just getting started. just finding his way. just working and trying to to pay a few bills and trying to act like a grown up.

and now he's gone.

i think of marvin all the time. just like i think of every guy over the last ten years that i've shared a green jersey with. since my initial small group experience with chris and andy, nothing has come close to recreating that most personal and honest experience that i shared with those guys for the short time that we did it. nothing except my humc sports. so many guys, so many stories. so little significance to be found in whether we won or lost. it's always...always been about the experience. and that experience, including every frustration that has come along with it, has made me ten times the man today than i was when we started it so long ago.

marvin smith was everything good about that experience. the guy was a perfect stranger to us in late november. a perfect stranger that could feel that first night, i hope, that the game wasn't as important as us being there, together. it was never articulated, but an atmosphere like that, that we've cultured for close to a decade doesn't have to be noticed aloud. you can just feel it. marvin, the good young man that he was, was a perfect complement to that atmosphere. he didn't have to tell me he was a good guy. there on the court that first night i met him, i could feel it.

marvin will be missed. by a lot of family and friends and others that knew him. i didn't really know marvin, but you can count me in that number.

twenty years old.

fuck me.

rest in peace, brother. rest in peace.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009



hannah and caroline and me

(part thirty)

this picture just as easily could have been taken at east lake park in 1984, as long as you'll let your imagination pay no attention the actual ages of the actors cast in the frame. sarah's dad is my grandfather. allison, my grandmother. hannah, playing the role of my little brother, brian.

caroline is me, feet crossed, nowhere near the water or the worms, looking across the way at the playground equipment thinking (in liz lemon voice), "i want to go there."



hannah and caroline and me

(part twenty-nine)

the visual evidence to back up sunday's post is absolutely terrifying!

i mean...christ!!! she's holding a worm in her hands that looks to be over twice as long as her fingers!

gross.

but cute.