happy index
(part disney)
((part one))
might as well extend the series while everyone is asleep. i've only been gone from birmingham for two full days, but i already feel disconnected from the world. i know what my timeline on twitter and my news feed on facebook tells me. that's about it. it's kind of nice. that being said, i really don't have a good subject to riff on, so i'll riff on what i've known for a day and a half... walt disney world.
the ugly:
there are kids everywhere. obviously, this goes without saying, but i am not sure i and sarah would be able to enjoy ourselves on a trip here, just the two of us. i bet she would/will disagree with me on that, and maybe she'd be right. maybe looking at all of the kids would be a wonderful reminder that ours weren't with us for a short time. in many moments while standing in line so far, i have been fearful that being surrounded by children would only serve to remind me that i have children. period. kids are crying. kids are screaming. kids are cussing out their parents. and that's just MY kids. seriously, though, this place does bring clearly into focus that all parents share all the same problems all at the same time. kids get tired in general. here at the happiest place on earth, all of their senses are in hyper-aware mode all of the time. it's like a cell phone constantly trying to pull a 3g signal. the battery dies fast. the kids hannah's age are in perpetual anticipation mode, wondering what we are going to do next, ride next, eat next or what character we are going to see next. caroline, on the other hand, is anticipating also, but her anticipation is wrought from fear. fear of what we are going to do next, ride next, eat next or what character she'll be forced to interact with next. because of her age, we can't ease her worry in the same way we can explain things to hannah. hannah hears us and can process what we are trying to say. caroline can hear and understand some of what we are saying, but, really, she is just mentally paralyzed at the thought of having to sit through "it's tough to be a bug" again. for her, one bad experience forecasts the rest of the experiences as bad until proven otherwise. hannah can be traumatized by the "rock 'n roller coaster", cry it out and then start to look forward to something less upside down.
what we see and can read on our children's faces is painted on the faces of every single stinking kid in the parks. either they just had a really good time at "toy story mania" or their big brother totally fucking lied to them about "tower of terror" not being scary and they want to go. home. now. somewhere away from here. or get me a $5 ice cream bar, mom. whatever. i'm about to lose it. too late. they lost it.
kids, man. such emotional little basketcases. every parent has been exactly like us the last couple months. telling stories of how this will be the BEST. WEEK. EVER...whether the kids like it or not. for us parents, we are living vicariously through our children. if they love the attraction, we love the attraction. if they hate it, we hate our spouse that recommended it. i am serious. sarah and i have stared a couple holes through each other already because something didn't go exactly the way we had it going in our heads. it is ridiculous. death stares are not what BEST. WEEK. EVER.'s are supposed to be about.
and really...they aren't. but our emotional barometers are the aforementioned stinking kids, and hannah has cut me in half with her glare a couple times in a day and half.
"daddy...what in the holy fuck were you thinking that i would enjoy that death trap of a roller coaster. i am fucking seven, daddy. a little girl, goddammit. i like iCarly. i don't know what an aerosmith is, and i don't really give a shit to find out why they got a roller coaster and the jonas brothers haven't yet. take me on that again, daddy. do it. we are sleeping right next to each other. i will bash your face while you dream."
at least, that's how i interpreted her tears as i carried her off the ride.
kids, man. they are everywhere.
the bad:
n/a
the good:
n/a
the great:
everything that i wrote above in "the ugly"? forget i said it. i didn't mean it. not a word.
do you know how fucking happy hannah is in walt disney world??? i mean, for her, this is heaven. this is what it is all about. without lifting a finger, this vacation magically happened for her and caroline. reservations for dinners with princesses, rides on buses, attractions with rhinos, musicals inspired by her favorite disney movies, all of the ingenious, beautiful, incredibly intimidating machine that is disney was created just for her, for her to enjoy and reap the benefits of. for caroline that is riding on her sister's coattails, there are moments where she is totally into it, too. she smiles or hugs pocahontas and we, her parents, aren't stressed or bitching at her. the girls come back to the hotel from disney and turn on the tv...to disney. we swim, we ride, we eat. mommy and daddy don't go to work. they don't go to daycare. they wake up from a nap in a few minutes and we are going to do it again. part 2 of day 2, this vacation made just for them.
it's not for us, except that it is for us, in that it's for them, so it's for us.
they are our emotional barometers and we wouldn't want it any other way. all the money we spend. all the time we take off. the exhaustion we can already predict (with over half of our vacation still left waiting for us) for when we get home. it's all worth it if it's worth it to them.
and so far, i think they would tell you it's been worth it. more moments than not have been filled with stars in their eyes because they are seeing things and experiencing things that are unlike anything in huffman, alabama. they may be seeing things and experiencing things that are unlike anything they'll see again in their lives, or, at least, another long time.
as a daddy, i need to keep my fucking cool. the first two and half hours this morning were seamless. the next two were not. we've got seven left in this day and then days 3 and 4 to go to make sure the girls know and feel like it's not work. it's not a burden.
that it's the happiest place on earth. that it's called that for a reason.
time to wake them up from a nap. they are going to be pissed. and tired. and cranky.
maybe hugging mickey will help.
Showing posts with label happy index. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happy index. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
happy index
(part the last one)
the kohi will close for good (for now) at a strong:
9
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
another somewhat disappointing run. ran/walked over five miles, but the walking part makes me want to punch a brick wall. what is wrong with me? is it just the weather, or is it all mental now?
the good:
burned 611 calories in spite of myself on the run.
got to use my forerunner gps watch for the first time. i haven't even scratched the surface of everything it can do, but it was pretty awesome getting to run and not hold my phone the whole time.
brought home a bike from amy's place so that i could ride with hannah this summer.
picked up the girls from daycare and drove downtown to surprise mommy and have dinner "in the city". the girls were very pleasant and we were able to use a groupon at surin. we all enjoyed ourselves. the sushi was quite excellent.
came home and rode bikes for the first time with my first baby girl. i can be an ass and really hard on hannah. she's proven that she's worth high expectations, but sometimes i can take those too far. since she took off on her bike, i've given her a hard time every time she has backslid a little, and that is totally unfair. even so, she was totally stoked to ride with me tonight and she stayed on her bike until the fireflies came out...
watched hannah catch fireflies in the backyard. caroline was super-tickled watching her sister and it was really a beautiful scene in our backyard. this time last year, hannah would have totally freaked out at the thought of catching bugs, but she was totally into it tonight.
commentary:
i'll have a kohi post-mortem sometime later this month (maybe). i don't know if i accomplished what i wanted to with the experiment. i don't know that i became a happier person over the last 29 days. i do know that i found myself, at the end of each of those days, looking for the good in them. that, in and of itself, is a discipline that i hope i can continue even if i am not sitting down with a physical inventory and rundown every night.
another nugget of wisdom came from the old turtle in kung fu panda last night. he told his apprentice that there is a saying...
"yesterday is history. tomorrow is a mystery. today is a gift. that is why they call it the present."
i want to resemble this. why the fuck do i spend so much of my time worrying about what kind of cancer i am going to have next or when i am going to die? sure, i am scared, and that's likely never going to change. only one day out of many, many days that i hope to have left will that happen. i need to let go and live with the gifts of my todays. my wife. my children. my friends. sustaining all of those by maintaining and excelling in some form of occupation. loving and loathing alabama football and the braves. knowing more than "you" about whatever sport we're talking about. that's all there really is, right?
so long, kohi. you served me well.
(part the last one)
the kohi will close for good (for now) at a strong:
9
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
another somewhat disappointing run. ran/walked over five miles, but the walking part makes me want to punch a brick wall. what is wrong with me? is it just the weather, or is it all mental now?
the good:
burned 611 calories in spite of myself on the run.
got to use my forerunner gps watch for the first time. i haven't even scratched the surface of everything it can do, but it was pretty awesome getting to run and not hold my phone the whole time.
brought home a bike from amy's place so that i could ride with hannah this summer.
picked up the girls from daycare and drove downtown to surprise mommy and have dinner "in the city". the girls were very pleasant and we were able to use a groupon at surin. we all enjoyed ourselves. the sushi was quite excellent.
came home and rode bikes for the first time with my first baby girl. i can be an ass and really hard on hannah. she's proven that she's worth high expectations, but sometimes i can take those too far. since she took off on her bike, i've given her a hard time every time she has backslid a little, and that is totally unfair. even so, she was totally stoked to ride with me tonight and she stayed on her bike until the fireflies came out...
watched hannah catch fireflies in the backyard. caroline was super-tickled watching her sister and it was really a beautiful scene in our backyard. this time last year, hannah would have totally freaked out at the thought of catching bugs, but she was totally into it tonight.
commentary:
i'll have a kohi post-mortem sometime later this month (maybe). i don't know if i accomplished what i wanted to with the experiment. i don't know that i became a happier person over the last 29 days. i do know that i found myself, at the end of each of those days, looking for the good in them. that, in and of itself, is a discipline that i hope i can continue even if i am not sitting down with a physical inventory and rundown every night.
another nugget of wisdom came from the old turtle in kung fu panda last night. he told his apprentice that there is a saying...
"yesterday is history. tomorrow is a mystery. today is a gift. that is why they call it the present."
i want to resemble this. why the fuck do i spend so much of my time worrying about what kind of cancer i am going to have next or when i am going to die? sure, i am scared, and that's likely never going to change. only one day out of many, many days that i hope to have left will that happen. i need to let go and live with the gifts of my todays. my wife. my children. my friends. sustaining all of those by maintaining and excelling in some form of occupation. loving and loathing alabama football and the braves. knowing more than "you" about whatever sport we're talking about. that's all there really is, right?
so long, kohi. you served me well.
happy index
(part twenty-eight)
kohi closed down last night at:
8
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
n/a
the good:
just an overall good day today, which is somewhat striking following a nice off day and leading up to and into another.
the day at work skipped right on by. it helped that my co-manager and one of my assistant managers were both there with me for most of the shift, me making sure they were ready to take care of the store in my absence next week. having to be deliberate and talk out loud through almost all of my monday did two things. it made me realize how much i do on mondays, and it made the day hurry to its end.
came home to the girls playing in the backyard with a sprinkler and a baby pool, hamming it up together and having a ball. the older caroline gets, the more she can hold her own with hannah. inevitably, the play time will end with hannah body-slamming caroline into some piece of furniture and us having to decide how differently to scold the big sister into realizing she's, you know, the bigger sister. pre-injury and crying, it's nice to hear them cackle and enjoy each other.
grilled out for the second consecutive day, this time chicken. very, very good dinner all around. made me wonder if we could find time to grill every night we are home. in related news, i think tuesday night is hamburger helper night.
watched about 45 minutes of kung fu panda with the girls before bedtime and smiled when the old turtle echoed the same sentiment i tried to share with hannah earlier in the evening after she had kneed caroline in the ear. "there are no accidents".
(part twenty-eight)
kohi closed down last night at:
8
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
n/a
the good:
just an overall good day today, which is somewhat striking following a nice off day and leading up to and into another.
the day at work skipped right on by. it helped that my co-manager and one of my assistant managers were both there with me for most of the shift, me making sure they were ready to take care of the store in my absence next week. having to be deliberate and talk out loud through almost all of my monday did two things. it made me realize how much i do on mondays, and it made the day hurry to its end.
came home to the girls playing in the backyard with a sprinkler and a baby pool, hamming it up together and having a ball. the older caroline gets, the more she can hold her own with hannah. inevitably, the play time will end with hannah body-slamming caroline into some piece of furniture and us having to decide how differently to scold the big sister into realizing she's, you know, the bigger sister. pre-injury and crying, it's nice to hear them cackle and enjoy each other.
grilled out for the second consecutive day, this time chicken. very, very good dinner all around. made me wonder if we could find time to grill every night we are home. in related news, i think tuesday night is hamburger helper night.
watched about 45 minutes of kung fu panda with the girls before bedtime and smiled when the old turtle echoed the same sentiment i tried to share with hannah earlier in the evening after she had kneed caroline in the ear. "there are no accidents".
Sunday, May 29, 2011
happy index
(part twenty-seven)
kohi's going to close at:
9 (may drop to 8 if braves blow this lead.)
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
the weather for today's run was just devastating. all three runs this week were less than stellar. the common denominator was the heat. my mental make-up is taking a beating all the while, and i am now certain i will never run 5 consecutive miles again.
the good:
a lot today...
limbo started the day off nicely with a good conversation on the "rapture", the death, and the ever-present want for some security in "what comes next". i love limbo.
i ran. as disappointing as this week has been compared to last week, i will still say this. i have only been running four months. i am starting to look forward to running. as a result of me saying good things more often than bad, sarah responded in a HUGE way and purchased a gps watch for me so i don't have to carry my phone along with me. it's charged and ready for my run on tuesday. can't freaking wait!
came home and played outside with the girls. frustrating in moments, but a good way to spend an hour.
great night at home grilling out burgers for the first time in forever. my goodness, they were a wonderful, high calorie treat. i'll have a leftover burger for lunch tomorrow then go kate moss again for the rest of the week getting ready for disney world.
commentary:
Braves win. It's a 9.
(part twenty-seven)
kohi's going to close at:
9 (may drop to 8 if braves blow this lead.)
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
the weather for today's run was just devastating. all three runs this week were less than stellar. the common denominator was the heat. my mental make-up is taking a beating all the while, and i am now certain i will never run 5 consecutive miles again.
the good:
a lot today...
limbo started the day off nicely with a good conversation on the "rapture", the death, and the ever-present want for some security in "what comes next". i love limbo.
i ran. as disappointing as this week has been compared to last week, i will still say this. i have only been running four months. i am starting to look forward to running. as a result of me saying good things more often than bad, sarah responded in a HUGE way and purchased a gps watch for me so i don't have to carry my phone along with me. it's charged and ready for my run on tuesday. can't freaking wait!
came home and played outside with the girls. frustrating in moments, but a good way to spend an hour.
great night at home grilling out burgers for the first time in forever. my goodness, they were a wonderful, high calorie treat. i'll have a leftover burger for lunch tomorrow then go kate moss again for the rest of the week getting ready for disney world.
commentary:
Braves win. It's a 9.
happy index
(part twenty-six)
kohi closed last night at:
6
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
just another saturday evening at work preceded by another saturday morning where i spend way too much of my time worrying about leaving my family for just another saturday evening at work. it's really quite ridiculous. we had a decent morning. healthy enough breakfast. rocky training montage. time together. five full hours of it, which is every bit as much as we would have together on an evening after mommy and i get home from our usual day shifts. leaving everyone to close the store feels worse i suppose, so i don't allow myself to enjoy the time we have. in related news, i'm an idiot.
finished black swan before bed. in related news, i do not recommend watching black swan before bed.
the good:
came home to watch my boy, jordan schafer, lead off the twelfth inning with a crucial walk and ended up scoring the winning run on a chipper jones ground ball through the right side. braves move to 3-1 with jordan batting leadoff and making over the shoulder basket catches on the warning track. if they keep winning at a .750 clip over the next week and a half, nate mcclouth will officially be trade bait, proving there is, in fact, a god.
(part twenty-six)
kohi closed last night at:
6
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
just another saturday evening at work preceded by another saturday morning where i spend way too much of my time worrying about leaving my family for just another saturday evening at work. it's really quite ridiculous. we had a decent morning. healthy enough breakfast. rocky training montage. time together. five full hours of it, which is every bit as much as we would have together on an evening after mommy and i get home from our usual day shifts. leaving everyone to close the store feels worse i suppose, so i don't allow myself to enjoy the time we have. in related news, i'm an idiot.
finished black swan before bed. in related news, i do not recommend watching black swan before bed.
the good:
came home to watch my boy, jordan schafer, lead off the twelfth inning with a crucial walk and ended up scoring the winning run on a chipper jones ground ball through the right side. braves move to 3-1 with jordan batting leadoff and making over the shoulder basket catches on the warning track. if they keep winning at a .750 clip over the next week and a half, nate mcclouth will officially be trade bait, proving there is, in fact, a god.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
happy index
(part twenty-five)
kohi closed down last night at:
7
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
not much to report here, other than it was hot for the after-work run. i took off by myself for the first time in about ten days, and my motivation suffered from the jump. the heat sucked out the rest somewhere around the 3.75 mile mark, but i was proud of myself that after a couple of short walk intervals, i still got past 5 miles at right about a 10:00/mile pace. not great, but 669 calories burned is 669 calories burned, right?
braves bungled a game away.
the good:
work was productive and fast.
fajita friday was a great way to end the week, as always.
commentary:
some days are just, you know, ... nondescript. i've had several of those during the 25 day kohi experiment. i get that every day can't be disney world, or else you wouldn't really give a shit about disney world. sometimes, not having much to report is a good thing.
(part twenty-five)
kohi closed down last night at:
7
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
not much to report here, other than it was hot for the after-work run. i took off by myself for the first time in about ten days, and my motivation suffered from the jump. the heat sucked out the rest somewhere around the 3.75 mile mark, but i was proud of myself that after a couple of short walk intervals, i still got past 5 miles at right about a 10:00/mile pace. not great, but 669 calories burned is 669 calories burned, right?
braves bungled a game away.
the good:
work was productive and fast.
fajita friday was a great way to end the week, as always.
commentary:
some days are just, you know, ... nondescript. i've had several of those during the 25 day kohi experiment. i get that every day can't be disney world, or else you wouldn't really give a shit about disney world. sometimes, not having much to report is a good thing.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
happy index
(part twenty-three)
gonna close the kohi down at:
9
the ugly:
sarah keeps asking me why i include "the ugly" since nothing is ever placed in this category. i am just looking at it like very few things have happened that have even carried the potential to ruin my day. in and of itself, i appreciate leaving the door open and never having to walk through it.
the bad:
kate moss would be ashamed of my calorie intake today. not that she could do anything about it, her and her skinny ass.
the good:
got to sleep late. the caroline of rising every morning at 6:00 a.m. even slept an hour late. good for her and better for us!
girls were easy getting ready for school. drop-off a piece of cake.
headed to ihop for a big breakfast to start our day. heavy on the calories, but i knew a run was coming to help burn some of the fatty-fat away.
next stop, 280. we were going to stop in a maternity place in the summit, but it wasn't open, so we just headed over to target and spent money there. i got an arm strap for my new(est) ipod. hopefully, it'll help keep the sweat from killing this one.
we saw bridesmaids. dear christ, was it funny. gut-busting-ly funny in two or three different parts. kristin wiig is my new tina fey. i want to watch her do anything and say anything. gosh, ...so flipping hilarious.
came home and chilled for a little bit before heading out for my first run since sunday. made it past the 5 mile mark again. it was hot, but my legs felt pretty fresh after two days off. will probably take tomorrow off for the rain and hit the road again on friday.
ran home, cleaned up, and then met all the girls for a dinner and the brand spankin' new olive garden in trussville. as expected, it was a mad house, but they must have had 100 employees working and, for the most part, had their shit totally together. great way to end the anniversary. girls were really good, too, for the most part.
commentary:
may 25, 2011. a lot has changed in my and sarah's nine years of marriage. the obvious variables have been the children here now and the one on the way. but, it's way more than that. we reminisced some today about our early years. i remember us talking a lot more back then, but that's par for the course i am sure. we didn't know each other. we wanted to know each other, so we had close to fifty years worth of memories and experience to share with each other. fifty years is a lot of time and a lot of stories and a lot of foundation to build for a brand new-ish relationship, but even fifty years you eventually get through. once you do, you have to find something new to talk about. we are at the point now where we pretty much know everything there is to know about the other, so each day has its own routine's worth of catching up, making sure we aren't too pissed off at our jobs or each other, making sure the girls aren't beating the shit out of each other or driving one of us insane. we may go to soccer or to church or back to the church. i may go run. sarah may go lead a ncd group. soon, we'll be taking caroline to gymnastics or hannah to guitar lessons. it's always...something. there is less to talk about, on the whole, and more and more of our communication happens non-verbally. to be honest, syncing up with another person to the point of being able to read them across the room is pretty freaking neat. it may be a glance we share that acknowledges caroline is a goofball. a stare that we hold for just an extra beat because we know, if we don't, one of us is going to bitch-slap our seven year-old. catching each other's eye at softball or from across the sanctuary often tells us all we need to know about what comes next in the day. again, it's not something we had nine years ago. we've developed and linked in to each other's sixth sense over the course of our ten years together, and i imagine that superpower will only grow stronger.
today, there were many of those non-verbal moments. sharing a quick turn of the head to make sure it was okay that i was laughing as loud as i was at a raunchy chick-comedy was cool. her response was less, "yes, you can laugh at this." and more "i'm about to pee myself", but i took it to mean cool was the rule. over breakfast or dinner, i didn't have to ask her if she was enjoying her meal. it was written across her face every bit as clearly as if she'd said something out loud.
...
marriage is a bitch, man. i am so bad at it. mainly, because i am so bad at being patient and kind and generous and selfless and all those other things that a lady would look for in a man. when i said out loud on facebook today that sarah deserved better than me, it wasn't me being all "aww....there goes our good 'ole self-deprecating kevin again. he's cute like a bunny". it was me acknowledging that i've been beyond shitty to her and to our family more times than i would like to count. it was me saying i'm sorry without really saying it, because i am ashamed of what a douchebag i can be. it was me saying that she actually deserve(s) better.
in spite of all my crappiness and self-loathing and others-loathing and church-loathing, though, we've kind of made it work, even if i don't flower her with roses and pretend to be romantic. she seems to be okay with me wearing t-shirts and my shoes untied. i look past her annoying habit to call me like she sees me, and we move forward.
i still worry that i won't be around for another nine years, much less forty, but i hope i am. i truly hope i am. i want our next nine to be what the first nine could've been. better than average. good even. striving for great.
thanks for everything, sarah. i "luff"ed today.
lillian: "i just shit in the street."
(part twenty-three)
gonna close the kohi down at:
9
the ugly:
sarah keeps asking me why i include "the ugly" since nothing is ever placed in this category. i am just looking at it like very few things have happened that have even carried the potential to ruin my day. in and of itself, i appreciate leaving the door open and never having to walk through it.
the bad:
kate moss would be ashamed of my calorie intake today. not that she could do anything about it, her and her skinny ass.
the good:
got to sleep late. the caroline of rising every morning at 6:00 a.m. even slept an hour late. good for her and better for us!
girls were easy getting ready for school. drop-off a piece of cake.
headed to ihop for a big breakfast to start our day. heavy on the calories, but i knew a run was coming to help burn some of the fatty-fat away.
next stop, 280. we were going to stop in a maternity place in the summit, but it wasn't open, so we just headed over to target and spent money there. i got an arm strap for my new(est) ipod. hopefully, it'll help keep the sweat from killing this one.
we saw bridesmaids. dear christ, was it funny. gut-busting-ly funny in two or three different parts. kristin wiig is my new tina fey. i want to watch her do anything and say anything. gosh, ...so flipping hilarious.
came home and chilled for a little bit before heading out for my first run since sunday. made it past the 5 mile mark again. it was hot, but my legs felt pretty fresh after two days off. will probably take tomorrow off for the rain and hit the road again on friday.
ran home, cleaned up, and then met all the girls for a dinner and the brand spankin' new olive garden in trussville. as expected, it was a mad house, but they must have had 100 employees working and, for the most part, had their shit totally together. great way to end the anniversary. girls were really good, too, for the most part.
commentary:
may 25, 2011. a lot has changed in my and sarah's nine years of marriage. the obvious variables have been the children here now and the one on the way. but, it's way more than that. we reminisced some today about our early years. i remember us talking a lot more back then, but that's par for the course i am sure. we didn't know each other. we wanted to know each other, so we had close to fifty years worth of memories and experience to share with each other. fifty years is a lot of time and a lot of stories and a lot of foundation to build for a brand new-ish relationship, but even fifty years you eventually get through. once you do, you have to find something new to talk about. we are at the point now where we pretty much know everything there is to know about the other, so each day has its own routine's worth of catching up, making sure we aren't too pissed off at our jobs or each other, making sure the girls aren't beating the shit out of each other or driving one of us insane. we may go to soccer or to church or back to the church. i may go run. sarah may go lead a ncd group. soon, we'll be taking caroline to gymnastics or hannah to guitar lessons. it's always...something. there is less to talk about, on the whole, and more and more of our communication happens non-verbally. to be honest, syncing up with another person to the point of being able to read them across the room is pretty freaking neat. it may be a glance we share that acknowledges caroline is a goofball. a stare that we hold for just an extra beat because we know, if we don't, one of us is going to bitch-slap our seven year-old. catching each other's eye at softball or from across the sanctuary often tells us all we need to know about what comes next in the day. again, it's not something we had nine years ago. we've developed and linked in to each other's sixth sense over the course of our ten years together, and i imagine that superpower will only grow stronger.
today, there were many of those non-verbal moments. sharing a quick turn of the head to make sure it was okay that i was laughing as loud as i was at a raunchy chick-comedy was cool. her response was less, "yes, you can laugh at this." and more "i'm about to pee myself", but i took it to mean cool was the rule. over breakfast or dinner, i didn't have to ask her if she was enjoying her meal. it was written across her face every bit as clearly as if she'd said something out loud.
...
marriage is a bitch, man. i am so bad at it. mainly, because i am so bad at being patient and kind and generous and selfless and all those other things that a lady would look for in a man. when i said out loud on facebook today that sarah deserved better than me, it wasn't me being all "aww....there goes our good 'ole self-deprecating kevin again. he's cute like a bunny". it was me acknowledging that i've been beyond shitty to her and to our family more times than i would like to count. it was me saying i'm sorry without really saying it, because i am ashamed of what a douchebag i can be. it was me saying that she actually deserve(s) better.
in spite of all my crappiness and self-loathing and others-loathing and church-loathing, though, we've kind of made it work, even if i don't flower her with roses and pretend to be romantic. she seems to be okay with me wearing t-shirts and my shoes untied. i look past her annoying habit to call me like she sees me, and we move forward.
i still worry that i won't be around for another nine years, much less forty, but i hope i am. i truly hope i am. i want our next nine to be what the first nine could've been. better than average. good even. striving for great.
thanks for everything, sarah. i "luff"ed today.
lillian: "i just shit in the street."
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
happy index
(part twenty-two)
kohi closing tonight at:
6
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
man. "you working on a tuesday? what happened?" "where's kathy?" "did you fire someone?" "your boss in town?" just a smattering of comments from customers, one delivery guy and a vendor rep that all noticed i was at the store when i am usually not. it will be another while before i make it back on a tuesday. probably another long while. all things considered, though, it wasn't that bad.
didn't do anything exercise-related today. no rocky training montage at home. no running. no softball. no nothing. on top of that, i ate a banana, a subway club, some chips, and a large mexican dinner. my stomach hurts because i stretched it. that's sad. "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". you are wise, kate moss. maybe the wisest. must burn major calories tomorrow.
the good:
hannah celebrated the end of her third soccer season tonight with her teammates and their families. it was nice. my first trip to munoz. food was "eh.", but i did leave with a mental picture of nasty on a ten speed road bike that made me chuckle.
jordan schafer got his first major league action in almost two years tonight and went 0-4. doesn't sound good, but he walked and scored on a double in the third because he's fast and leadoff hitters should be able to score from first on doubles. i hope he hits some, but, really, it was great to be able to watch him again. i felt proud, like i have some claim on him, which is ridiculous. he was also wearing number one. you are number one, jordan. tonight, you're number one in my heart.
commentary:
may 25th, 2002.
(part twenty-two)
kohi closing tonight at:
6
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
man. "you working on a tuesday? what happened?" "where's kathy?" "did you fire someone?" "your boss in town?" just a smattering of comments from customers, one delivery guy and a vendor rep that all noticed i was at the store when i am usually not. it will be another while before i make it back on a tuesday. probably another long while. all things considered, though, it wasn't that bad.
didn't do anything exercise-related today. no rocky training montage at home. no running. no softball. no nothing. on top of that, i ate a banana, a subway club, some chips, and a large mexican dinner. my stomach hurts because i stretched it. that's sad. "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". you are wise, kate moss. maybe the wisest. must burn major calories tomorrow.
the good:
hannah celebrated the end of her third soccer season tonight with her teammates and their families. it was nice. my first trip to munoz. food was "eh.", but i did leave with a mental picture of nasty on a ten speed road bike that made me chuckle.
jordan schafer got his first major league action in almost two years tonight and went 0-4. doesn't sound good, but he walked and scored on a double in the third because he's fast and leadoff hitters should be able to score from first on doubles. i hope he hits some, but, really, it was great to be able to watch him again. i felt proud, like i have some claim on him, which is ridiculous. he was also wearing number one. you are number one, jordan. tonight, you're number one in my heart.
commentary:
may 25th, 2002.
happy index
(part twenty-one)
kohi closed down at:
6
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
weird feeling all day at work knowing that i would be working on a tuesday for the first time in i can't remember. mondays are always really busy, but the light at the end of the tunnel is softball/basketball during the evening and then an off day on tuesday. taking that away made monday feel a little bit more like a, well, monday.
lost for the second time this season to a team whose jerseys name them the lord's "diciples". we may suck, but at least we can spell...and proofread.
the good:
word was that caroline was a champ getting a couple of her baby molars "painted". i'll be sure to bring up how i've been alive for over 34 years without a cavity. she made it three. ha!!! take that, sucka.
we won our first softball game of our doubleheader, so that was good.
got word that my favorite brave off all time (for 2009), jordan schafer, was finally called back up to the bigs after nate mcclouth was put on the dl. i can't wait to see him play. CANNOT WAIT!!! and what if he played so lights out over the next two weeks that the braves couldn't help but trade mcclouth away or leave him in triple-a where his sorry ass belongs? what if, indeed.
commentary:
two weeks from this morning, we'll be in disney. oh-em-gee.
(part twenty-one)
kohi closed down at:
6
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
weird feeling all day at work knowing that i would be working on a tuesday for the first time in i can't remember. mondays are always really busy, but the light at the end of the tunnel is softball/basketball during the evening and then an off day on tuesday. taking that away made monday feel a little bit more like a, well, monday.
lost for the second time this season to a team whose jerseys name them the lord's "diciples". we may suck, but at least we can spell...and proofread.
the good:
word was that caroline was a champ getting a couple of her baby molars "painted". i'll be sure to bring up how i've been alive for over 34 years without a cavity. she made it three. ha!!! take that, sucka.
we won our first softball game of our doubleheader, so that was good.
got word that my favorite brave off all time (for 2009), jordan schafer, was finally called back up to the bigs after nate mcclouth was put on the dl. i can't wait to see him play. CANNOT WAIT!!! and what if he played so lights out over the next two weeks that the braves couldn't help but trade mcclouth away or leave him in triple-a where his sorry ass belongs? what if, indeed.
commentary:
two weeks from this morning, we'll be in disney. oh-em-gee.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
happy index
(part twenty)
shutting the kohi down at a rounded-up:
7
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
worship meeting right smack in the middle of the day made it pretty difficult for the off day to feel long like i wished last night. i won't go so far as to say the meeting was a waste of time. it wasn't. sunday meetings that aren't scheduled for a time that hannah already has something going on are the absolute worst for my attitude. yuck.
ran during the evening hours for the first time since the running began. took off around 6:00 and felt pretty good. alas, a couple hiccups along the way and i didn't finish like i wanted to, coming short of five miles for the second consecutive run. guess i still have some work to do before 5 is established.
the braves are terrible again after teasing me earlier in the week. that, and heyward went on the dl. this move will make it easier on my stomach to watch the braves and manipulate my fantasy roster, but i don't think it's a good thing for the real-world team to now have to trust something called a joe mather every day. wherefore art thou, jordan schafer?
the good:
limbo was pretty terrific this morning. i don't know if we have ever been off stride, but with one week to go before the disney break, the quality of our conversations have been consistently top-notch over the last two months.
lunch with the family and friends was deliciously unhealthy. good thing i burned 574 calories off later in the day or i wouldn't be feeling very good about myself.
hannah got her new bike! i am really freaking proud of how quickly she learned to ride once she got it in her mind she was ready. this summer is going to be a lot more fun strictly due to her being able to ride.
(part twenty)
shutting the kohi down at a rounded-up:
7
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
worship meeting right smack in the middle of the day made it pretty difficult for the off day to feel long like i wished last night. i won't go so far as to say the meeting was a waste of time. it wasn't. sunday meetings that aren't scheduled for a time that hannah already has something going on are the absolute worst for my attitude. yuck.
ran during the evening hours for the first time since the running began. took off around 6:00 and felt pretty good. alas, a couple hiccups along the way and i didn't finish like i wanted to, coming short of five miles for the second consecutive run. guess i still have some work to do before 5 is established.
the braves are terrible again after teasing me earlier in the week. that, and heyward went on the dl. this move will make it easier on my stomach to watch the braves and manipulate my fantasy roster, but i don't think it's a good thing for the real-world team to now have to trust something called a joe mather every day. wherefore art thou, jordan schafer?
the good:
limbo was pretty terrific this morning. i don't know if we have ever been off stride, but with one week to go before the disney break, the quality of our conversations have been consistently top-notch over the last two months.
lunch with the family and friends was deliciously unhealthy. good thing i burned 574 calories off later in the day or i wouldn't be feeling very good about myself.
hannah got her new bike! i am really freaking proud of how quickly she learned to ride once she got it in her mind she was ready. this summer is going to be a lot more fun strictly due to her being able to ride.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
happy index
(part nineteen)
closing down tonight at:
6
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
felt like a really quick morning at home with the family this morning. always does when i am closing on saturdays, which is most saturdays. got a workout in and watched despicable me. after that, it was just about time to go.
work was work. two weeks 'til we leave for disney.
the good:
breakfast was nice this morning.
sarah went and replaced my week old ipod for me so i can use it tomorrow. that was nice. she tooks the girls, too, which i don't think was a great experience.
commentary:
ready for an off day tomorrow. hope it feels long.
(part nineteen)
closing down tonight at:
6
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
felt like a really quick morning at home with the family this morning. always does when i am closing on saturdays, which is most saturdays. got a workout in and watched despicable me. after that, it was just about time to go.
work was work. two weeks 'til we leave for disney.
the good:
breakfast was nice this morning.
sarah went and replaced my week old ipod for me so i can use it tomorrow. that was nice. she tooks the girls, too, which i don't think was a great experience.
commentary:
ready for an off day tomorrow. hope it feels long.
Friday, May 20, 2011
happy index
(part eighteen)
kohi closing at:
6
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
week old ipod stopped working at the 3.5 mile mark on today's run. i am hoping this isn't an omen for my judgment day fate.
my car quit on sarah while hers was getting an oil change today. after getting mine jumped off, sarah took the tribute to the shop where the boys told her everything is fine. if anyone wants to open a betting pool on where, exactly, my ass is gonna get stranded in the next couple days, i'll throw in.
the good:
fajita friday.
commentary:
i hope the world doesn't end tomorrow. i'm not ready.
(part eighteen)
kohi closing at:
6
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
week old ipod stopped working at the 3.5 mile mark on today's run. i am hoping this isn't an omen for my judgment day fate.
my car quit on sarah while hers was getting an oil change today. after getting mine jumped off, sarah took the tribute to the shop where the boys told her everything is fine. if anyone wants to open a betting pool on where, exactly, my ass is gonna get stranded in the next couple days, i'll throw in.
the good:
fajita friday.
commentary:
i hope the world doesn't end tomorrow. i'm not ready.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
happy index
(part seventeen)
kohi closing at:
7
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
n/a
the good:
productive and, more importantly, fast day at work. disney-itis is setting in. that's what i am telling myself. i want to get away, but i don't want to just get away. i want to go to disney with my family and enjoy a week to ourselves and nothing but ourselves. so, how can i do best do that and not wish and waste away the three weeks between now and then?
reluctant but completed exercise at home.
a few minutes of bike riding with hannah and big-wheeling with caroline.
hamburger helper dinner with the family.
love wins.
commentary:
i so hope love wins.
(part seventeen)
kohi closing at:
7
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
n/a
the good:
productive and, more importantly, fast day at work. disney-itis is setting in. that's what i am telling myself. i want to get away, but i don't want to just get away. i want to go to disney with my family and enjoy a week to ourselves and nothing but ourselves. so, how can i do best do that and not wish and waste away the three weeks between now and then?
reluctant but completed exercise at home.
a few minutes of bike riding with hannah and big-wheeling with caroline.
hamburger helper dinner with the family.
love wins.
commentary:
i so hope love wins.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
happy index
(part sixteen)
tonight, kohi finally closes at:
5
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
n/a
the good:
backed up my first outdoor 5 mile run yesterday with another one this afternoon, this time all by myself. i am more proud of this one, since i was trying to talk myself into turning around as i closed in on the 2 mile mark.
commentary:
woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning for the first time since i started the kohi, and i just couldn't find my way back to the right side. the longer the day drifted on, i just wanted to get out of it or through it. every conversation felt just a little forced. every smile felt like a lie. people didn't ask me why i was having a shitty day, because i wouldn't tell them i was. what's the fun in that, right? people usually care about your mood about as much as they care about your fantasy football team. they don't, unless, somehow, it enhances their own happiness. my mood today wasn't going to enhance anyone, so i just kept it to myself and moved along. i didn't yell. i didn't act snappy. i was just the person it was going to be easiest for "you" to deal with. i am not promised tomorrow i hear, but i sure hope i get there anyway.
(part sixteen)
tonight, kohi finally closes at:
5
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
n/a
the good:
backed up my first outdoor 5 mile run yesterday with another one this afternoon, this time all by myself. i am more proud of this one, since i was trying to talk myself into turning around as i closed in on the 2 mile mark.
commentary:
woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning for the first time since i started the kohi, and i just couldn't find my way back to the right side. the longer the day drifted on, i just wanted to get out of it or through it. every conversation felt just a little forced. every smile felt like a lie. people didn't ask me why i was having a shitty day, because i wouldn't tell them i was. what's the fun in that, right? people usually care about your mood about as much as they care about your fantasy football team. they don't, unless, somehow, it enhances their own happiness. my mood today wasn't going to enhance anyone, so i just kept it to myself and moved along. i didn't yell. i didn't act snappy. i was just the person it was going to be easiest for "you" to deal with. i am not promised tomorrow i hear, but i sure hope i get there anyway.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
happy index
(part fifteen)
kohi will close tonight at:
9
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
n/a
the good:
shook off an early morning headache, no problem.
tallied a new outdoor best running, climbing over 5 miles (5.07) for the first time not at uab in just under 47 minutes (46:47). the current pain deep in my right calf doesn't annoy me as much as it reminds me of the accomplishment. i really can't believe it still, so i'll say it again. at the end of january into the beginning of february, i could not run a while without stopping to walk. today, i ran five. fuck. and me.
came home and wrote a long(-er) form blog, partially about finding good reasons not to be so pissed off at my church for her failings. thanks, kohi!
early dinner at buffalo wild wings that redeemed our last experience. it helped that we went super-early and didn't have to fight parties of twenty for our food. we'll take it!
came home again, sat down on the couch and finished the last hour of the bieber movie with the family. didn't cry this time.
put the girls to bed then zipped through 60 pages of love wins.
will retire upstairs to watch the second half of a basketball game that will not unnerve me or interrupt my dreamscape, no matter the victor.
commentary:
i am mentally marking this day for the third reason that i listed in the "good" column. it's a change in philosophy.
(part fifteen)
kohi will close tonight at:
9
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
n/a
the good:
shook off an early morning headache, no problem.
tallied a new outdoor best running, climbing over 5 miles (5.07) for the first time not at uab in just under 47 minutes (46:47). the current pain deep in my right calf doesn't annoy me as much as it reminds me of the accomplishment. i really can't believe it still, so i'll say it again. at the end of january into the beginning of february, i could not run a while without stopping to walk. today, i ran five. fuck. and me.
came home and wrote a long(-er) form blog, partially about finding good reasons not to be so pissed off at my church for her failings. thanks, kohi!
early dinner at buffalo wild wings that redeemed our last experience. it helped that we went super-early and didn't have to fight parties of twenty for our food. we'll take it!
came home again, sat down on the couch and finished the last hour of the bieber movie with the family. didn't cry this time.
put the girls to bed then zipped through 60 pages of love wins.
will retire upstairs to watch the second half of a basketball game that will not unnerve me or interrupt my dreamscape, no matter the victor.
commentary:
i am mentally marking this day for the third reason that i listed in the "good" column. it's a change in philosophy.
what will we do when there are no more fires to put out?
hispanics, cuss words, bishop-gate, OH MY! these are headlines to only a few storms that have driven their way through the humc congregation over the last several months and years. sharing space with a congregation with whom we had a hard time communicating ended predictably, with that congregation going somewhere else. blogs being disseminated to an unsoliciting and unaware group of people that were asked to care about how how i choose to voice my often asinine opinions ended with somewhat of a whimper. people either chose not to care or just stopped making eye contact with me. either way, nobody hurt. bishop-gate came and felt like a hurricane for a couple days, but it was really more like tornado warnings five years ago (back before doppler technology went and got real!!!) when the sirens went off and a whole county would freeze at one time, but really the storm was just passing through a cow pasture in the southwest corner of county-in-question and was never coming towards your home.
the most recent non-issue that we forced into being an issue came in the form of our wednesday night dinners. for the duration of my time served on our finance committee, we have known that one particular line item in our budget (food account) was off. depending on how late in the year we were looking at it, it seemed way off. speculative opinions were shared and worried over. "ms. ellen is buying too much food." "ms. ellen is making too much food." "ms. ellen is choosing the food that is too damn expensive." "people aren't coming because the food doesn't taste good." "someone needs to talk to ms. ellen." "should we discontinue our wednesday night dinners, because, obviously, this line item is telling us that the food service is a drain on our budget?"
except that it wasn't.
after much gnashing of teeth and huffing and puffing about what needed to happen in the kitchen or in between the kitchen and our church office, a wednesday night evaluation committee was force-forged in our administrative board meeting two months ago. the group would ask questions relevant to wednesday night dinners being offered to our congregation and, hopefully, provide some insight as to what our church wanted to do with those dinners moving forward. the list of questions was written and published in our weekly messenger and also sent out to the church's email list with the following request...if so moved, please take a few minutes of your time to answer these questions and help the evaluation committee come to a consensus on what is/isn't offered on wednesday nights in the form of dinner and programming. that's it.
the response was...underwhelming. 17 responses came back. the information culled from the responses, though, was valuable to a point.
what ended up being more valuable was something, admittedly, that should have happened a long time ago. for two months, the church made a point to collect actual data, not merely opinion. the data would include meals served, meals prepared, cost of goods, revenue generated from attendees, etc.
to many's surprise, after crunching all the numbers, it was discovered that the money spent on wednesday nights was not out of order at all. it was discovered that the amount of food prepared was a "planned surplus" to be used in the daycare the following day. it was discovered that the amount of money charged by the church for dinner was just about right. it was discovered that the cost of the food served on wednesday was consistently covered by those in attendance. finally, it was discovered that there was never any drain to speak of, only a minor accounting quirk that, honestly, should have been repaired before now. now that the representative church is aware that the "issue" is again a non-issue, maybe finance can find remedy for the error at our next meeting.
myth:
wednesday night dinners are a financial drain on the church. we need to offer programming that removes offering the service of dinner on wednesday from the equation.
myth. busted.
in an appropriate-for-us move, the argument, if you will, evolved, and another non-issue was cited as an issue. ms. ellen still isn't walking through that door in the fall! so programming (read: staff) needs to decide what we are going to offer on wednesday in the fall so we can decide what to do, goddammit!!!
and so, as one myth is busted, another is perpetuated, that our paid staff must decide for us, the church, what it is we should do.
ugh.
to me, this feels backward, but, then again, maybe i am alone.
my understanding of a healthy church would be one that, ideally, hired and paid staff to perform the ministries of their church they felt were important. unfortunately for our staff, we still don't really know what's important to us as a church, so we are left with asking our staff to figure it out for us.
does that really make any sense? shouldn't we be asking our staff to be creative within the realms of their current job description? grow their areas, come hell or high water? be rare? be relevant?
maybe.
or maybe not.
i don't know.
i am finding it harder and harder to work up a good piss-off about anything related to the church. if my little kohi experiment has proven anything to me, it's proven that i've got way too many good things (family, friends, limbo, work, running, fantasy baseball) going in my life to waste very much time being super-negative about anything.
i will say this, though. we are at an unfamiliar crossroads in the life of our church. the non-issues that we are choosing to activate as issues are becoming more and more trivial. in the grand scheme of things, we are at a place where we have two very defined choices.
do something.
or don't.
hispanics, cuss words, bishop-gate, OH MY! these are headlines to only a few storms that have driven their way through the humc congregation over the last several months and years. sharing space with a congregation with whom we had a hard time communicating ended predictably, with that congregation going somewhere else. blogs being disseminated to an unsoliciting and unaware group of people that were asked to care about how how i choose to voice my often asinine opinions ended with somewhat of a whimper. people either chose not to care or just stopped making eye contact with me. either way, nobody hurt. bishop-gate came and felt like a hurricane for a couple days, but it was really more like tornado warnings five years ago (back before doppler technology went and got real!!!) when the sirens went off and a whole county would freeze at one time, but really the storm was just passing through a cow pasture in the southwest corner of county-in-question and was never coming towards your home.
the most recent non-issue that we forced into being an issue came in the form of our wednesday night dinners. for the duration of my time served on our finance committee, we have known that one particular line item in our budget (food account) was off. depending on how late in the year we were looking at it, it seemed way off. speculative opinions were shared and worried over. "ms. ellen is buying too much food." "ms. ellen is making too much food." "ms. ellen is choosing the food that is too damn expensive." "people aren't coming because the food doesn't taste good." "someone needs to talk to ms. ellen." "should we discontinue our wednesday night dinners, because, obviously, this line item is telling us that the food service is a drain on our budget?"
except that it wasn't.
after much gnashing of teeth and huffing and puffing about what needed to happen in the kitchen or in between the kitchen and our church office, a wednesday night evaluation committee was force-forged in our administrative board meeting two months ago. the group would ask questions relevant to wednesday night dinners being offered to our congregation and, hopefully, provide some insight as to what our church wanted to do with those dinners moving forward. the list of questions was written and published in our weekly messenger and also sent out to the church's email list with the following request...if so moved, please take a few minutes of your time to answer these questions and help the evaluation committee come to a consensus on what is/isn't offered on wednesday nights in the form of dinner and programming. that's it.
the response was...underwhelming. 17 responses came back. the information culled from the responses, though, was valuable to a point.
what ended up being more valuable was something, admittedly, that should have happened a long time ago. for two months, the church made a point to collect actual data, not merely opinion. the data would include meals served, meals prepared, cost of goods, revenue generated from attendees, etc.
to many's surprise, after crunching all the numbers, it was discovered that the money spent on wednesday nights was not out of order at all. it was discovered that the amount of food prepared was a "planned surplus" to be used in the daycare the following day. it was discovered that the amount of money charged by the church for dinner was just about right. it was discovered that the cost of the food served on wednesday was consistently covered by those in attendance. finally, it was discovered that there was never any drain to speak of, only a minor accounting quirk that, honestly, should have been repaired before now. now that the representative church is aware that the "issue" is again a non-issue, maybe finance can find remedy for the error at our next meeting.
myth:
wednesday night dinners are a financial drain on the church. we need to offer programming that removes offering the service of dinner on wednesday from the equation.
myth. busted.
in an appropriate-for-us move, the argument, if you will, evolved, and another non-issue was cited as an issue. ms. ellen still isn't walking through that door in the fall! so programming (read: staff) needs to decide what we are going to offer on wednesday in the fall so we can decide what to do, goddammit!!!
and so, as one myth is busted, another is perpetuated, that our paid staff must decide for us, the church, what it is we should do.
ugh.
to me, this feels backward, but, then again, maybe i am alone.
my understanding of a healthy church would be one that, ideally, hired and paid staff to perform the ministries of their church they felt were important. unfortunately for our staff, we still don't really know what's important to us as a church, so we are left with asking our staff to figure it out for us.
does that really make any sense? shouldn't we be asking our staff to be creative within the realms of their current job description? grow their areas, come hell or high water? be rare? be relevant?
maybe.
or maybe not.
i don't know.
i am finding it harder and harder to work up a good piss-off about anything related to the church. if my little kohi experiment has proven anything to me, it's proven that i've got way too many good things (family, friends, limbo, work, running, fantasy baseball) going in my life to waste very much time being super-negative about anything.
i will say this, though. we are at an unfamiliar crossroads in the life of our church. the non-issues that we are choosing to activate as issues are becoming more and more trivial. in the grand scheme of things, we are at a place where we have two very defined choices.
do something.
or don't.
Monday, May 16, 2011
happy index
(part fourteen)
kohi closing tonight at:
7
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
lost another softball game.
the good:
waking up ten minutes later than thursday and friday of last week and hustling away to work to catch up from being off all weekend was incredibly energizing. knowing that i had to cram most of my day in before a conference call at 1:00 was motivating. getting everything done that i needed to was satisfying. a good day at work.
i don't know that i can articulate just how much more peaceful a mindset teaming up on the girls both in the morning and in the evening is. nothing hurried. no real pressure. still very glad that mommy is home.
braves win. five games above .500.
off day tomorrow.
(part fourteen)
kohi closing tonight at:
7
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
lost another softball game.
the good:
waking up ten minutes later than thursday and friday of last week and hustling away to work to catch up from being off all weekend was incredibly energizing. knowing that i had to cram most of my day in before a conference call at 1:00 was motivating. getting everything done that i needed to was satisfying. a good day at work.
i don't know that i can articulate just how much more peaceful a mindset teaming up on the girls both in the morning and in the evening is. nothing hurried. no real pressure. still very glad that mommy is home.
braves win. five games above .500.
off day tomorrow.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
happy index
(part thirteen)
tonight, the kohi closes at:
8
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
i'll speak more about this on tuesday, but our administrative board meeting saw one myth (finally) put to pasture at the same time another was perpetuated. that was too bad. #thatsoundslikeoneofthosevagueassfacebookstatusupdatesthatihate
the second hymn in the sanctuary this morning. what was that about?
walking into limbo this morning and the roof all leaking and shit.
chipper's hurt. who in the pool had 42 games?
the good:
girls were great one last time this morning without mommy. hannah slept with daddy last night. we all got up, to mcdonald's and to the church in plenty of time to clean up the flood.
braves beat halladay. what the what?
another super run this afternoon. i guess the recipe is 69 and cloudy, because friday and this afternoon made me wish i never had to stop running to do life.
mommy came home.
dinner at lonestar as a family for the first time in 5 nights. we had a good time together. caroline and hannah never stopped talking. the steak was "jesus christ!" incredible.
coming home and watching the first hour of bieber as a family, sarah and i both tearing up during "one less lonely girl" when the bieber team pulls girls out of the crowd to be googly-eyed up close and personal by jb. we don't know if it's the girls' trainwreck-y emotional reactions or just the idea of how incredibly world-changing that moment must be for those girls. pretty cool.
the great:
did i mention mommy came home? another trip in the books.
commentary:
daddy did what he do, son!
(part thirteen)
tonight, the kohi closes at:
8
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
i'll speak more about this on tuesday, but our administrative board meeting saw one myth (finally) put to pasture at the same time another was perpetuated. that was too bad. #thatsoundslikeoneofthosevagueassfacebookstatusupdatesthatihate
the second hymn in the sanctuary this morning. what was that about?
walking into limbo this morning and the roof all leaking and shit.
chipper's hurt. who in the pool had 42 games?
the good:
girls were great one last time this morning without mommy. hannah slept with daddy last night. we all got up, to mcdonald's and to the church in plenty of time to clean up the flood.
braves beat halladay. what the what?
another super run this afternoon. i guess the recipe is 69 and cloudy, because friday and this afternoon made me wish i never had to stop running to do life.
mommy came home.
dinner at lonestar as a family for the first time in 5 nights. we had a good time together. caroline and hannah never stopped talking. the steak was "jesus christ!" incredible.
coming home and watching the first hour of bieber as a family, sarah and i both tearing up during "one less lonely girl" when the bieber team pulls girls out of the crowd to be googly-eyed up close and personal by jb. we don't know if it's the girls' trainwreck-y emotional reactions or just the idea of how incredibly world-changing that moment must be for those girls. pretty cool.
the great:
did i mention mommy came home? another trip in the books.
commentary:
daddy did what he do, son!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
happy index
(part twelve)
the kohi will close tonight at:
7
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
full day three of being a single-dad was always going to feel the most heavy. soccer festival in the morning, off to lunch and hanging out for a bit at the church and then to a birthday party. in fact, it did feel heavy, but the day breezed by for the most part with only little to some whining from caroline, who went the entire day without more than a five minute car nap whilst in transit from the soccer fields to the church.
an off day that didn't feel like an off day. these days, these busy days that zoom by and feel like they get away from me without enough arbitrary "me-time" are always kind of hard to swallow. the girls were very sweet, though, most of the day.
the good:
as mentioned above, part of the day included taking hannah to kylie's birthday party. i don't know if i should be or feel ashamed, but this was the first birthday party i've ever taken her to with caroline in tow. as stressed as i was about it (i am not the most social creature you see), it went fine. clint being there to burn some of the time and playing rag ball with some of the kids made it almost fun. i know the girls had a good time, which, of course, was all that really matters.
the quality of my church car wash was what we thought it was, but so was the bbq! will probably buy a pound tomorrow for good measure.
hannah finished up her most successful soccer season yet, scoring in the the last of the four mini-games her team played this morning. it's fun to watch her start to grasp some of the concepts of the beautiful game. selfishly, i hope she sticks with it long enough to enjoy how much fun it could be when her body and skills catch up with her mind. i am very proud of you, hannah.
commentary:
i am exhausted. t-minus less than 18 hours 'til sarah is back home. we are all ready for her to be back.
(part twelve)
the kohi will close tonight at:
7
the ugly:
n/a
the bad:
full day three of being a single-dad was always going to feel the most heavy. soccer festival in the morning, off to lunch and hanging out for a bit at the church and then to a birthday party. in fact, it did feel heavy, but the day breezed by for the most part with only little to some whining from caroline, who went the entire day without more than a five minute car nap whilst in transit from the soccer fields to the church.
an off day that didn't feel like an off day. these days, these busy days that zoom by and feel like they get away from me without enough arbitrary "me-time" are always kind of hard to swallow. the girls were very sweet, though, most of the day.
the good:
as mentioned above, part of the day included taking hannah to kylie's birthday party. i don't know if i should be or feel ashamed, but this was the first birthday party i've ever taken her to with caroline in tow. as stressed as i was about it (i am not the most social creature you see), it went fine. clint being there to burn some of the time and playing rag ball with some of the kids made it almost fun. i know the girls had a good time, which, of course, was all that really matters.
the quality of my church car wash was what we thought it was, but so was the bbq! will probably buy a pound tomorrow for good measure.
hannah finished up her most successful soccer season yet, scoring in the the last of the four mini-games her team played this morning. it's fun to watch her start to grasp some of the concepts of the beautiful game. selfishly, i hope she sticks with it long enough to enjoy how much fun it could be when her body and skills catch up with her mind. i am very proud of you, hannah.
commentary:
i am exhausted. t-minus less than 18 hours 'til sarah is back home. we are all ready for her to be back.
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