#7


i had someone with experience tell me early on, "chemo takes you to your lowest place. then it takes you lower."

as i've said several times during this series, no one side effect, other than the feet, is something that all of us haven't experienced during our lives, maybe many times during our life. headaches. fatigue. diarrhea. muscle aches. random rashes. sores in our mouths. what's so dreadful about chemo, at least in my experience, is that all of these, by the end of a cycle, are piling up on each other, all happening at the same time. and during those last few days, nothing anyone can say can make it any better.

a few days out from the end of each cycle, someone will comment, "you're almost there." and they mean well. they do. but they have no idea. seconds feel like minutes. minutes feel like hours. hours feel like days. days feel like weeks. i realize all of that sounds very dramatic, and i would read it that way too if it wasn't exactly how i feel.

so, yeah, i feel pretty low this evening. alone. hurting. tired of being tired. and yeah, i only have six pills left to take.

but i have six pills left to take.

fuck. this. cancer. shit.

#7

toxicities present:

all of them.

pain (scaled 1-10):

7