hannah and me (part eleven)
a sign of things to come?


it wasn't long ago that the suggestion of a day home from school would bring pure joy. "hannah, do you want to stay home with daddy tomorrow?" "yeeeeaaahhh!!!!" music to a daddy's ears. even if i knew that part of the day would be frustrating because, you see, hannah is still learning the english language and we do not always find ourselves on the same page, the daddy-daughter day would be one that both parties would look forward to. we would get up early and watch some playhouse disney. maybe little einsteins. and then scan around for dora or diego or elmo and in betwixt we would play or color or eat some candy for breakfast. we would then go meet mommy for lunch. or friends. or we would just go pick up some chicken nuggets from mcdonald's and share them. and then the baby girl would take a nap and i would relax and recharge. or spend some time on the computer. or work out. and then the baby girl would wake up and it would be time to play again. to go swing or to go blow bubbles. or maybe go to krispy kreme and have a doughnut. and then we would wait for mommy to get home and we would tell her all about it. and daddy would be tired. but content. and happy.

but not this morning.

this morning, when presented with two options (option A: day home with daddy...option B: go see kaykay), the baby girl chose B. it took me aback a little bit, and it made a daddy very sad. there isn't a person on this earth with a heart for all children, including my child, than kay lovvorn (or kaykay if you are down). but, still, over a day home with daddy? am i already not cool? am i already outdated? irrelevant? out of touch with the baby girl landscape? has time already passed me by? i kid with people that comment on how big hannah is that she already acts like a teenager, but really she's only 2 and a half.

and thus, i am asked to learn a very important lesson in the education of being a parent. i will not always be her first choice. my guess is there will be days that i end up being close to last. that makes a daddy very, very sad, and on a day when the world feels very heavy, it's kind of hard to swallow.

i know she still loves her daddy. i could tell, even this morning, when i dropped her off and she backed into my legs when the number of kids in kaykay's class overwhelmed her a little bit. it was easy, then, to remember that, even on days that i am not her first choice, i've got to have her back. that i've got to make sure she knows that daddy still very much loves her.

and i will.