that escalated quickly

expectations are a false narrative, are they not? a bill of goods we sell to ourselves day after day after day after disappointing day. 

if there was one lesson moreso than any other during the year of chemo that i learned, it is that i was more of a danger to myself, every day of the week, than the chemo or the cancer ever was. reason being, every day, i would wake up with a different set of inappropriate expectations. 

"today is going to be better than yesterday."

"i will be able to walk without a limp. i just know it." 

"i won't see blood on the toilet paper." 

"chemo is just a word. if i tell myself i feel good, i'll feel good. i just have to want it." 

i was always wrong, to some degree. 

fuck. me. 

the same type of mindless behavior carries over into every day life, apply it to what you will. 

your favorite sports team. work. kids. relationships. the weather. any walk. every walk. it doesn't matter. 

we expect just above average, just above normal, just above what we've come to observe in the world, because we are conditioned to dream. to think big. to value what's beyond the status quo. to reach for the stars. 

and, sure, sometimes great things do happen. 

children are miraculously conceived, born, and live the first few years of their lives without their parents fucking up and dropping them off a balcony. 

you see a double-rainbow. 

a family member or friend values the context surrounding your world rather than rapid-fire judging you for the culmination of the context into an action. 

you fall asleep on interstate for that brief second because you've been up for way too many hours for way too many days and you don't kill yourself or a fellow human being. 

the big cats at the zoo aren't asleep. 

your favorite player doesn't do drugs. 

you don't get downsized. 

you get a second chance. 

the fries at mcdonald's aren't cold and end up being really fucking good. 

the water in the pool is a lot warmer than you prepared for it to be. 

the softball game isn't rained out. 

everyone shows up on time for your fantasy draft. 

you get a clean scan. 

your tail doesn't wag your dog. 

...

the facts are that these things set us up for bad days. they are good things. some are great things. some are exceptions to the rule. 

inevitably, we start to expect the exceptions rather than the rules.

and the rules are the rules because they are the rules. 

if i could just expect the rules, my life would be such a happier place. 

and so would yours.