the look-back


christ.

is it really december 31st? i guess it is, although it's snuck up and bit me this year like no other before it. i am sure there are any number of contributing factors to that, but those factors don't make it any less a fact that tomorrow brings a new year. as i mentioned a couple of weeks ago, this has been the busiest of years as it concerns HACAM and i thank you, once more, to the folks that make this place tick. even if you hate blogs or hate what this one and i stand for, you are part of it now, whether you like it or not. that, in and of itself, gives me reason to smile. there were too many subjects and posts to count left on the cutting room floor due to the always poor excuse of constrained time, but that will just make me work harder for my girls and you to not let those thoughts lose themself into the ether without being properly documented. 2009 promises to be the most interesting of years, highlighted by my first served as lay leader of the church whose name we will dare not speak (i kid, of course) as well as the year that my oldest little girl makes her transition to big school. holy. shit. that second one is unbelievable. the first one kind of is too. it should be a blast to say the least! as far as what i hope comes of it, that'll be for a post sometime next week. tonight, we'll take a look back at 2008 through the eyes of my 2008 resolutions and proceed to score the year. let's get whacking!

1) start getting right with god... - nothing puts you in the mood to dance with the Big Fella like fighting it out with fellow christians, right? i don't know if i've ever felt more in tune with where i am headed, spiritually, as i do right now, but this year and this subject will always be remembered by me for "blog-gate". the events of those couple of months can be summed up with any number of words that call to mind "the act of being retarded". today, we'll go with inane. on my very public blog, i state(d) very honest opinions in a manner that strikes/struck some as inappropriate. rather than coordinating the reaction that those opinions stirred in others into something healthy and helpful, we put peanut butter into each other's hair, called people names best served in an elementary school lunchroom and chose not to act on anything other than the means used by some, including myself, to express their massive frustration with something they love very much. the lesson learned? if you can't be critical without being "constructive" as defined by someone other than yourself and stroking the "body" in question's ego at the same time, you might as well hold that shit inside and just own the indigestion. yaaaaaayyyy, church! right?

2) don't give up on huffman (the community, not necessarily my church) ... - done. 2008 saw more retail and restaurant closings throughout huffman. costa's bbq? later. guthrie's? drive somewhere else for your chicken fingers. steve and barry's? wow. that didn't last long. pet supplies "plus"? we're still here. for now. i hope for the long haul. as far as those prospects go, i'll just say that we're still here. for now. i hope for the long haul. there is something charming about our aged and transitioned community. it's the picture of some romantic place that you might read about that has seen it's better days, still holding on like mad to the past in ways, owning the realities of the poor to really poor current economy in others. but there is no reason to give up on huffman, because people still live here. and until they move away, there will remain hope.

3) don't get fat ... - woohoo! another victory. no one will confuse me with anyone that spends way too much time in a gym, but i held my own this year. maybe even lost a couple pounds that i didn't need to lose. maybe even shifted a few more due to the new and improved rocky-esque training montage (big thanks to kiker and his perfect push-up) to other places on my body. fact remains that i can still hit a softball pretty hard. i can still get up and down a basketball court. and i still carry a chip on my shoulder that says i can kick your ass. probably not the greatest barometer of health or not-fat-ness, but it's just the god's honest truth. here's to wearing the same jeans for going on three years now, and still not "growing into them".

4) drive fast and safe to the emergency room when it's time ... - won't spend much time here, because i was wrong and i am glad i was wrong. no trips to the emergency room this year. and i only wanted to chance it by throwing hannah through a window two to three times. ok, that's a lie. i probably wanted to do that close to ten times. but i didn't. and i won't. and that's a good thing for us all.

5) eat more ribs ... - what a horrific failure this was. i think i had dreamland four times this year. freaking four!!! who's to blame? me, ultimately, but i am putting this one on andy because that's what kind of friend i am. a shitty one. just kidding. i hope that's not the kind of friend i am. but, yeah, back to andy...his changing jobs left little to no time for fraternizing over the most beloved of meat. his same job promises more freedom and opportunity in 2009. i am going to hold him to that.

6) don't throw up ... - i said it couldn't happen, and it didn't. dateline: spring children's musical at humc. here i am, supposed to play (poorly) a fake superhero and for hours leading up to the big production, i am either throwing up all over myself or curled into the fetal position hoping for heaven or hell, whichever the Big Fella judges i deserve. i make it through the musical without losing myself on any children, and i even nailed the solo as best i could. could've been worse. i will take only one vomit-ous episode like that every year.

7) go to the iron bowl ... - failed. one fiscally tangible downside to alabama's football season that was included tickets to this game being super-freaking expensive. and here's what i would say to that disappointing turn of events. if alabama going undefeated in the regular season prices me out of ever seeing them play in person again...i'll take it.

8) don't start smoking ... - as much of a gimme this one was intended to be back in january, "blog-gate" almost ruined it for me. alas, i could not find my crack-pipe, and all remained well. don't start smoking? check.

9) make christmas less "busy" ... - if, by this idea, i meant losing unnecessary "traditions"/routines in favor of doing things that tended to make our family happy and not overly stressed, this one happened too. i am not sure if the end result and product of it is exactly what i wanted to happen, but whatareyougonnado?

10) see brian again ... - check. not in florida, but check. christmas wasn't the same without you, though, brother. it didn't take much to spoil us last year. peek forward to my resolutions for 2009 and you'll see the previous sentence as what some people may call foreshadowing.

11) close this chapter as it relates to my father ... - file this one under "be careful what you wish for". fuck. me.

and to the tale of the tape... i score myself a rather shoddy 7 out of 11, good for 64%. in some uncertain terms, i passed the year but left plenty of room to grow on for the next 365 days.

i've thought long and hard about whether the setting of goals and naming of resolutions is worth my time. some people poo-poo the idea, but i would counter by saying that if it isn't in you to do so, you are only setting yourself up to be apathetic and boring. whether serious or tongue in cheek, i will continue to set my new year's bar just high enough that i think i can get over it. i probably won't. in fact, i'll probably fail miserably. but, you'll get to read about it and feel better about yourself. if nothing else, i can give that to you.

and if something else, i can carry you along with me.

hannah and caroline and me

(part twenty-one)

the best part about this picture is that a perry como song is playing in the background. the second-best part of this picture is how taken and happy both of the girls are with hannah's "big" gift from santa, her barbie jammin' jeep. the worst part about this picture is flash-forwarding eleven years and seeing a similar image with hannah behind the wheel of her equivalent to my 1988 dodge aries about to transport her younger sister somewhere.

as the girls get older, images and flash-forwards like these will come faster and more furiously. that is understood. it may never be as sweet as it was yesterday, though, as hannah motored around the backyard with her sister in the passenger seat. with hannah telling the car which direction to go instead of actually turning the wheel and caroline being subjected to whiplash time and time again, a daddy couldn't help but feel very special and very blessed.

merry christmas, girls. and happy birthday, my five year-old.

it is finished


in spite of weeks worth of "lou holtz"-ing my team and my chances at an undefeated fantasy regular season followed by a successful run through the playoffs, the football gods were with me this year. they just were. i give all thanks and praise to football jesus, one mr. julio jones (i also would like to thank my opponent in the championship game for starting the wrong quarterback.). roll tide and war asianmen!

i will be printing t-shirts soon.

http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/leagueoffice?leagueId=415256&seasonId=2008

on this, the day of my 100th post


my posting continues to become more and more prolific each passing year. surely, i am no full-time blogger. i am not nearly as dedicated or invested as i wish i could be. but, with each passing trip around the sun, i do include in my yearly goals and wants to "write more" and, up to this point in time, have achieved that goal. albeit not directly related to the mission of this site, i do take some pride in the fact that, if you are for some silly reason interested in my blog, you have been given something new to chew on every 3.66 or so days of this year.

those thing's import to your life are debatable, but very likely they are worth very little. insofar as that is the case, i can't help but be honored by those among you that choose to come back every now and again. 'tis absurd and self-serving, but i am thankful for you all.

there would be a natural and probably predictable evolution to HACAM even if i were to never receive feedback. i could disallow comments, disregard emails and put a finger to your lips if you were to ever try and speak a word about a post to me, face to face. i could do all those things and things would change here. the tone would wax and wane. the emphasis on certain things would fall to the side or go away entirely. the site would always be different, because i would always be different. but if there has been one reward to my choice of putting this note to hannah and caroline in a public forum, it has been this. no longer are the thoughts and sounds and visuals here dynamic and organic because i am, but there are layers upon layers of life to it that i didn't expect way back in 2005. and those layers are you. your influence. your criticism. your support. your reaction. your opinion. your take. all of it has molded this site into something that it wasn't intended to be but something that it was always meant to be. no longer (nor has it been for a while) is what you read here solely a reflection on how i see my children's world. a living, breathing organism this is now, with many eyes and many ears and many mirrors and many reflections for so many of you are taken into account when something removes it's way from my mind and makes it's way here. and it is wonderful.

it didn't begin that way. it many ways, i began this blog as a means of spiting those things that i heard and saw and felt from others. in many ways, it was me retreating inward by projecting outward and letting my new baby girl serve as my avoidance's guide to somewhere more peaceful and calm.

but i don't retreat anymore. and i have never felt more healthy and whole. yes, things and baggage have been dropped and will be dropped along the way, but to be healthy, some bad habits must be left in the past. and the reason i do not retreat, i believe with all of my heart, is because of you.

and to you, those that have "encouraged this blogging" for over three years now, i say a "merry christmas" and "thank you". i apologize for the posts that were poorly written or that didn't make good sense (most likely, all of them). i apologize for my irrational interest in alabama football. and i apologize if my cursing has made you blush or think less of me. but let's not kid ourselves. you are not buying a 2009 audi s5 with me. i am a fairly accurate personification of the maroon 1988 dodge aries that i used to drive. and that thing freaking sucked.

thank you for making HACAM more than it ever should have been. by the time the girls get old enough to waste their own time here, maybe, just maybe, it will have been worth the wait.

gene "chex mix"
(that's beautiful, tanya)


boy. did i pick the wrong week to open every day or what? had i my usual off day on tuesday or wednesday, there is a good chance that you could have seen up to 10 "gene chizik to auburn" posts on that given day. why? because there are at least that many layers of it worth talking about and every one of them is a different degree of fascinating. the "resignation" of tommy tuberville, including a handsome 5.1 million dollar going away present. the myriad of small school, up-and-coming coaching candidates that "we" knew were interviewed. the attempted abduction of houston nutt. the appearance, out of freaking nowhere, of chizik into the picture and almost as quickly the naming of him as coach. there are more. the turner gill angle, the race angle, is the most prevalent (still) and relevant (for good reason), but in my limited time this afternoon, i choose to comment with another take.

i am talking to you, my auburn fans that stick with me even through my obsession with your rival. i think about most of you concerning this most recent turn of events in one of the passions of your life and i am sad. sad for you. and in a way, sad like you. i am not an auburn "fan", but i don't hate them and will occassionally even root for them (no. really! ask my sunday school class.). i don't know every one of your's politics, but for whatever reason i have been thinking about how this coaching search and discovery will be at least the third time in the last five years that you've had to take on a "support the troops" mentality regarding something you love.

for less than transparent reasons, in march of 2003, your country chose to invade the superpower that was iraq. some of you may have been in favor of it at the time. and if so, god bless you. five years ago, it seemed a lot less stupid than it does now. the folks in charge did a wonderful job of painting the "enemy" as a threat. so, this is, in no way, me belittling what may have been your support for that decision. conversations i've had or overheard with some of you have led me to believe that some of my auburn fans were not. needless to say, things have gone downhill in the same way mike tyson's weight has gone uphill in the last five years. at this point, there may be zero of "our" number supportive of the war, but we have been asked to support the troops. without hesitation, we do so.

interestingly enough, in around that same ballpark of time, my auburn friends and i that attend huffman united methodist church were "introduced" to the idea of a hispanic ministry that would be welcomed onto our church campus. for less than transparent reasons, the idea and the execution of this "idea" has evolved into a less than friendly topic of conversation topic for those of us that care about the church. we have no problem with the group of people (or, do we?). never had. we are in the eye of the controversy's hurricane at the moment, and, for that moment, we have been asked to "support the troops" even if "we" have a problem with the execution of "the idea". with some hesitation (i am only speaking for myself with that disclaimer), we do so.

and now, the chizik thing. wow. first, let's give him the benefit of the doubt. three years ago, chizik, himself, was an up-and-comer. he was a well-thought-of defensive mind and coordinator. history now tells us he made a poor choice taking the iowa st. job and made an even poorer head coach. his blind resume does not hold water, matched up with over half of the other candidates interviewed. yes, he was at auburn in a past life. but, he left auburn for the same job somewhere else. and, now, you are asked to believe that not only is your new coach an "auburn man" taking over his dream job, but you are also asked to believe that the athletics director and president of the university did not put far too little diligence into the hiring of your university of choice's most visible employee. for less than transparent reasons, you have a hard time talking yourself back into your "support the troops" mentality. with much hesitation, you do so.

the degrees of triviality with these three examples range wildly and i hope you do not hear me as trying to put them on equal footing. but as someone that shared the idea of being "burned out" in an e-mail conversation with a friend this morning, i can totally understand if you are (sick and) tired of having to "support the troops" and hold the line for ideas you do not totally believe in.

for me, advent is less a season of reflection as it is a season of faith. for, as a follower of and servant to the story of jesus, we are approaching the day that we celebrate the beginning of that story.

after basketball tuesday night, andy and i wondered to each other how often being loyal to our respective churches has asked us to compromise the actual gospel we believe in. the consensus we came to was "a lot". in the same vein, how often do our loyalties to some person, "body", country or school ask us to compromise our feelings in such a way that they are far different than the direction we would have taken with those feelings if the decision in question was ours to make.

i would think...a lot.

come and get me


next sunday night, dec. 21st, i'll be closing the store. due to the holiday shopping season (do people really "shop" in roebuck?), we'll be extending our hours by three and locking up at 9:00.

uh, ok.

i thought you would like to know.

uh, ok.

sunday night, the 21st, will be the first anniversary of the second robbery (out of three attempts) we at psp, roebuck, would endure. the merry band of robbers entered the store at 8:46 according to my office camera, just over two hours past when we all would have been gone on any other sunday of the year. coincidence? probably not. our 2007 holiday hours had been posted for weeks. if you, or someone you knew, had been in the store any time in december, you knew we would be there, open and waiting to serve you and your pet's holiday needs. premeditated? uh, yeah. probably. i mean, i guess the merry band of robbers could have just been roaming the darkened alleys of huffman waiting to pounce on any unsuspecting victim they happened upon. i just don't see that as the case. if i am wrong, hopefully, god will forgive me.

this would have been enough. the second, failed, attempt would have been plenty reason to cause involuntary bowel movements. the third, the first anniversary of which will happen one week from sunday, well, lightning striking three times in the same place in less than two months just makes a brother want to cry. oh, and at that point last year, WE HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THE FREAKING AK-47 YET!!!

advent is typically used as an excuse for reflection. it would be helpful for all of us if we were able to constantly reflect and evolve over the course of every month of the year, but why not cram it into one month beginning with thanksgiving and ending with christmas. yeah, that's a good choice. we usually aren't very busy during that month. having said that, advent is typically used as an excuse for reflection. throw me in that boat too. guilty as charged. every year on this website, i will create a year-end "best of..." list or take a look back at what i had hoped to accomplish over the last twelve months. what big happened. what small. what will stick out five years from now. as it relates to this site, it's hard for me to think that, looking back in five years, i won't remember that the blog became a nasty carwreck for a couple of months and "you" were the rubberneckers. the exact content and details in certain posts i won't likely remember, but the overall reaction to them i will. for several weeks, i received several unique page-views per day, those coming from, i can only assume, people tuning in to see what all the fuss was about or who was talking shit about who. points were lost or clouded. feelings got hurt or dinged. copies were made. accusations were (re)made. votes were taken. ridiculousness ensued.

all of it seems pretty silly and dramatic now. pieces of this very public note to my girls being bandied about as if it was ever a secret to begin with. all of the reaction, the outrage, the support, all (or most) of it taken completely out of context. all of it styled to some other agenda. to some other voice. to some other means.

yeah, but whatareyougonnado? i shouldn't have been mad? or happy? or supportive? is that what you are saying?

no. not necessarily. but in my reflection of my year, there are things that mean more and things that mean less depending on the day. and what will always mean more on any day to me is that on january 6th, 2008, i had an assault rifle pressed to my head and i stared directly into the eyes of a young man that was super-pissed that my alarm had gone off, thus scaring the shit out of he and his merry band. and that context, my context, has framed itself around every thought and every idea and every word i've left here or let fly out of my mouth for this entire year. and it, most likely, will for every day forward that i am lucky enough to be blessed with.

while i am reflecting during this advent season, i wonder if you cared about this context during the carwreck. i wonder if you thought about it. period. did that thought play into your judgement of me? did a thought of my love for my family? my love for my friends? my less-than-"contempt"uous love for my church? my love for you? i am just wondering. i have no idea. this is not me asking for your pity. this is not me hoping to guilt you into asking me how i am doing with this whole thing one year removed. outside of the nightmares that continue and the cringe-factor each time i am closing the store, don't worry, i am fine.

how much credit do we give others? how often to we give pause to the thought that their life is no less crap-tastic than our own? that their context might and should play a role in the equation of ours.

it's a good question(s). i think so, anyway.

i close the store next sunday night. i have three managers that i could have scheduled to do it. then again, i don't fancy myself a pussy and this is a hurdle i need to get over, myself. i'll be there. waiting. one part of me hoping all is calm. one part hoping for a fight. all parts hoping that something has changed inside our merry band of robber's hearts so that they are not some other place doing to someone else what they did to us. maybe they are in jail. maybe they'll be at home. maybe they bought a laptop with psp's money and are blogging about what a shithead they were this time last year. that's a pretty cool thought, right?

maybe. merry getting ready for christmas, everyone. however you are preparing for the big day, keep in mind that it's probably different than everyone else.

the christmas tree is up
(hannah and caroline and me, part twenty)


for the second consecutive year, sarah, hannah and caroline came back from their savannah trip with a pre-lit christmas tree waiting for them. getting the thing down from the attic wasn't as overwhelming as i had prepared myself for, but missing the last step on the ladder coming down and having my life flash before my eyes for a brief moment made my heart race. all was well, though. i didn't lose my balance. the box did not fall on my head or shoot me down the stairs head-first. everything was cool.

end result? christmastime arrived in the o'kelley house. it doesn't feel like christmas until the tree is up. until there are no presents under the tree and i begin to panic about my shopping habits. i always want to do better. i don't operate well as a procrastinator. this year, i have several items already in mind to buy, and it's still early december. i am ahead of my own curve, so that's a good thing.

sunday morning was interesting at church. mainly due to the fact that one of my buddies from the softball team made his first trip to humc with the purpose of participating in the worship service. his wife has been coming for some time now, but nasty has never felt the urge to come. i don't know if he felt the "urge" this week as much as his wife urged him to tag along, but it felt good nonetheless. i tried to contain myself and not make too big a deal about it. i poked him in the ribs before he sat down, but then we just talked about the football game and acted as normal as we ever do. i had a hard time concentrating during the service, because my mind wandered to what i've been doing at the church with our men's softball teams and basketball teams for so many years. people will come up and tell me that they weren't even aware that we had teams or did such things. i guess that's my fault to some degree. while i was on staff, i pimped both ministries pretty hard in my weekly column from time to time, but it can be hard to read the messenger and soak it in if coupons come in the mailbox on the same day. i get it. no hard feelings. since i've left, both ministries have probably happened under the radar, and that's too bad. both are made up of groups of guys that have established themselves as regulars over the last seven or eight years, but we are pretty friendly to new faces. maybe that'll be one of my new year's resolutions this year. to raise awareness of there being two groups of men affiliated with our church, and have been for years, that you don't know about. that have been carrying the flag of humc across their chest and representing the idea that our church is still big enough to organize teams and men into functioning bodies of faith that aren't always directly tied to our sanctuary. after all, you may have seen these men cooking hamburgers for you and didn't notice. you may have walked past them at a halloween carnival. you may have tripped over them at a halo lock-in or bumped into them when our youth were with their youth. their monies have coursed through the veins of our budget. their time spent in our small group classroom of a softball field or gym may not have always translated to a trip to worship on sunday morning (it has sometimes), but one did sunday. and that was pretty cool. seven years of planting seeds brought one nasty to church. who knows if he'll come back. who really cares? his being there for one day and his family having already plugged into our church is cause for celebration. maybe when the messenger expands by a page, i'll lobby for a "better know a humc athlete" section from time to time, and you can come see us play. poorly. maybe.

on a more somber note, caroline doesn't know who i am anymore. my excitement to see her yesterday was met with the look of "who the hell are you and you better not put your damn hands on me." it was heartwarming. thankfully, hannah and her sweet self made up for the lack of love with her want for all kinds of daddy time. she said something very smart and clever as we put her to bed last night and it felt like all was right in the world. sarah assures me that caroline was like this all weekend, which doesn't make me feel a lot better since she was with people that she didn't know for three days. hence, my point. here's hoping she comes around. i'll keep trying to be nice to her and make her laugh and love her and maybe sometime before christmas, she'll let me pick her up again without screaming like i am sticking knives into her pretty baby eyes.

after all, it's christmastime, right? time for joy. time for love. time for really expensive presents. time for chamber choirs and church basketball. time for parties. time for church, "church" and more church. time for stress. time for "righting wrongs". time for something that i am sure i'll forget. time for messes. time for cleaning up. time for "god. i am tired." time for fake smiles. time for healing. time for santa. time for worry. time for food. time for you. time for me. time for birthdays. time for disappointment. time for jesus. time for reasons. and seasons. and hallmark cards. time for cliches. time for re-gifting. time for us to get our head out of our ass.

please remember me, caroline.

"i'm not even supposed to BE here today"


a full 24 hours have now passed, and perspective casts a long but necessary shadow over any conversation that's to be had about alabama's football season. we'll start with the way i played bama's season out to be, best case scenario, in my head prior to the clemson game. 8-4. that was where i had them, with losses to preseason top-twelve teams clemson, georgia, lsu and auburn. two of those games were on the road, one at a neutral site and one against a rival that no one saw internally combusting three weeks into their season. i felt like alabama had made good strides last year, in spite of a couple bad losses. the promise of tomorrow (and by tomorrow, i mean next year and the next) was bright with the arrival of julio and his five and four star buddies to campus. but, jp wilson was still the quarterback. the team lacked the speed at important positions that i felt would cause concern against established teams not just coming out of probation-era quicksand. i thought they would compete hard. but i didn't think they would be able to "break through". not this year. tennessee was trending down too. i thought "we" could take them on the road. that would be our upset, our big win same as it was last year. we'd close the season in atlanta again in the chick-fil-a bowl against georgia tech or miami and we'd start looking forward to 2009 with division and conference championships being realistic possibilities.

dammit, i am happy i was dead wrong.

the season was different in so many good ways. alabama was just as fast and way tougher than clemson. after the inevitable letdown and struggle with tulane, the team found it's sea legs again and did what good teams are supposed to do and broke both western kentucky and arkansas' will early in both games. by the next monday, alabama had found it's way into the top ten but whispers of "overrated" were still being heard. then came the shot heard round college football that was the first half against a blacked-out number two georgia. everthing clicked. glen coffee and mark ingram continued to do their damage. julio had his coming out. jp made his best pass of the season and the rest of the game was just a blur. i hear georgia poured on some garbage points, but my memory doesn't serve me how. kentucky was much more of a struggle than it should have been. the product of a young team that felt like they had done enough for a team like kentucky to roll over coming into bryant-denny. they didn't, but alabama escaped. instead of "overrated", you started hearing things like "good teams find ways to win." and other media cliches usually reserved for good teams having bad weeks. was alabama really a good team? or was the conference down? maybe a little of both, but the second half of the season would suggest more of the former. alabama quieted the critics again with a sound and sure victory over tennessee. homecoming was homecoming. then came the lsu game, the one game out of my four predicted losses that i was sure alabama did not have a chance in. i felt better about it the saturday of, but my worries proved themselves true when alabama couldn't get out of their own way offensively and could not capitalize on the dreadfulness that was jarret lee. if bama had escaped out of the kentucky game, they would leave baton rouge with one pound less flesh than they arrived. but they won. the final two games of the season were coronations on one hand, executions on the other. the team methodically ran two teams off of the field and two coaches out of town, bringing their indirect effect on the unemployment line tally to three for the season. and they were 12-0. holy. hell. they still weren't the fastest team in the country, nor the deepest. but the injury bugs of the sec graciously remained in auburn and athens all season and no bama player of consequence missed any more than two games. andre smith proved the prophets correct and earned his first team all-american spot. the offensive line had developed into a top five in the country unit. arenas grew into a threat, no longer satisfied to only be a jitterbug. mt. cody, too, was all-sec. so was rolando mclain. rashad johnson. antoine caldwell. glen coffee. julio jones was freshman all-american. hightower, freshman all-sec. role players emerged to a level of consistency i would have never expected out of bobby greenwood or nick walker or roy upchurch. the defense, on the whole, was the third stiffest in the country. the offense just efficient enough on some nights, explosive on others. the 2008 season wasn't destined to be a stepping stone, like so many, including myself, thought. it was an announcement. and it was loud.

tim tebow was the difference last night. yes, arenas had his worst night of the season on the biggest stage. yes, the play-calling on alabama's first drive of the fourth quarter was reprehensible at best. but make no mistake, the difference last night was that alabama started jp wilson at quarterback. florida started a heisman trophy winner and a young man that may eventually be remembered as the best college football player of all time. jp wilson did not win a game for alabama all year. he also did not lose one. for a senior managing a squad around him that constantly reflected a team whose sum was greater than it's individual parts, perhaps no greater praise could be offered. tim tebow on the other hand? without his best player (think of what bama would have been last night without julio.) and weapon, it felt like tebow, alone, decided he was going to win anyway. that's not to say he didn't have other weapons, but it was tebow that will get the deserved credit for the win and for leading his team to what i hope will be an ass-kicking of biblical proportions over oklahoma for the national championship.

what a season this was! how unexpected and satisfying to see a team unite under the direction of a very driven coach with a very concentrated goal of seeing his players become the best that their potential will allow them to be. how wonderful it will be to see another recruiting class add even more depth to a team that will come back loaded next year and the next.

alabama is going to the sugar bowl against a less-talented version of florida. should be interesting to see if the collective focus is lost against a team that alabama will likely be more than a touchdown favorite against. i hope not. 13 wins sounds quite sweet. a top five finish in this year's polls leading to a preseason top ten next year. the season went by painfully fast this year. then again, time does fly when you are having fun.

a "roll tide" and a "good show" to a very understated but no longer undervalued football team. thanks for the memories.

my fantasy team is better than yours
(and some of it is my fault)


ok. this one's just for me. sorry. i've said this before, but i am fully aware that no one cares about my fantasy football exploits. and yet, i insist on writing about them. oh well. if this is my only display of narcissism today, you can consider it a victory.

i played the humble card less than a month ago when i was championing having clinched my fantasy football league title with three weeks remaining in the regular season. i said things like, "your (fantasy) fortunes come down to a whole lot of luck." and there is some truth to that. there is also some truth in saying that good luck played a role in my, now, having run the table completely and finished the regular season unde-freaking-feated!!! luck played a role, but so did i. let's take a look.

in my november 12th post, i pointed out how "lucky" i was for the depth on my team, good depth being the primary foundation for any solid team, fantasy or real. if you are only as good as your best player, you are bound to fail. this is no different in fantasy. i pointed to, as examples of my depth, my three first-year running backs i drafted late, all of whom have had stellar seasons for ball-carriers period, much less for rookie ones. here's the deal, though. i drafted them. and again, i drafted them all late. forte in round seven (reasonable). chris johnson of the titans in round 12 (the only player drafted in that round making any sort of fantasy impact). and steve slaton? i got him in round 16 (16 of 18!)!!! some people might call that luck. today, i will call it foresight and proof that i am better at this than you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. and you. is that nine "you"'s? i think so. so, to the nine of you that were drafting team defenses and kickers anywhere before the last five rounds of the draft, let this be a lesson to you. undefeated seasons are built on rookie running backs, not kickers. not this year.

second point. in head-to-head fantasy leagues, bad luck will usually slap you in the face a couple times a year with regards to your team's output versus the rest of the league. what i mean is, inevitably, you will post the second-highest point total in the league one or two weeks but just so happen to be playing the dude (or dudette...no girl has ever graced our league) with the highest-point total. this makes you want to scoop your eyes out of your head with a spoon. for days after that game is over, you will be telling yourself and everyone that will listen that you "would have beat EVERY other team in the league. this is so unfair!" and then your friend will either hang up on you or not respond to your email because this has already happened to him twice this year and he could give a shit about your fantasy team even though he's playing with you. this always happens. well, not always. it didn't happen to me this year. have i mentioned i went 13-0 yet?

as an addendum to the last point, i will also make this one. the best measure you have in fantasy is your total rotisserie points, the points your team has accumulated over the course of the season. this stat doesn't take into account what team you were lucky or unlucky enough to be playing and how many points they did or did not score. it just keeps a running total of your starter's points for the entire season. most of the time, this one stat will tell you how "lucky" you've actually been. if, through ten games, you have, let's say, the 6th highest rotisserie total in the league but the second or third best record, chances are you've been pretty lucky. you are playing bad teams at the right time or playing good teams having bad weeks and you are winning against the percentages. with a full season now to look at, i can see what teams in my league should have been good and which teams should not have. in this crucial stat, i was the best team in the league. and it wasn't even that close. my lowest point total of the year? 123.5. the lowest total in the league this year? 67. my team didn't have an "off" week, relative to the other teams. not one. suck it.

lastly, individual roster moves on any given week will rarely make the difference in an outcome. fantasy players may tell you that they had joe so-and-so on their bench and "if i had only played them" over joe superstar, they would have beat you. whatever. the truth of the matter is that no one sits their joe superstar. it just doesn't happen. that's why they are superstars. you draft them specifically so you never have to question them being in your line-up. their real-life opponent shouldn't make a difference. they will produce for you. maybe not monster numbers every week. but you will be happy having them on your team and in your line-up. the individual roster moves that drive fantasy guys (and girls?....again, iv'e never met one. i do hear they exist.) crazy are usually the ones of very little consequence. which tight end should i start? which kicker? which third wide receiver? who cares? they are all going to score 6 points for you anyway. don't worry about it! just stick someone in. oh, if i could only practice what i preach here. quarterbacks taken in the first four rounds of the draft fall underneath the category of joe superstars. i took mine (donovan mcnabb) in round three. it doesn't change your thinking even if they are playing a stellar defense. you drafted them this high. unless they are hurt or on their bye week, you play them. right? well, the one exception i made to this rule allowed me to remain undefeated. coming off a piss-poor performance in week eleven and facing the ravens in week 12, i benched my joe superstar quarterback. i was certain this move would backfire. it didn't. i replaced him with kerry collins. collins scored 18 points for me. mcnabb that week? negative 6. a 24 point swing. i won the week by two points, by far my most narrow margin of victory of the season. it. was. brilliant.

i could give you more examples of my domination. but i won't. the case is clear. all evidence for a proper verdict has been presented. i have just completed the fantasy football regular season that any man (or woman) geek enough to brag about it dreams of. undefeated. and proud of it. and a lot of it was my fault. so, there.

one thought of mine has not changed since november 12. i still fully expect to be bounced out of the playoffs. my braggadocio will receive it's karmic payback in full. i am aware of this. and i am ok with that. a fantasy playoff champion happens every year. undefeated regular seasons do not. i will take this to my grave with me, folks. you can count on that. and you can call me whatever word that comes to your mind right now combining the sentiments of "nerd" and "douchebag" into one fabulous utterance of disdain. i am immune to your words and thoughts. i am undefeated. i am 13-0.

good day.

36-0

i've been sitting on this for several months now, keeping it in my pocket (courtesy of the great barstoolio) for just the right time. well, if tonight isn't the right time, then when would be?

you heard me mention his name over fifteen months ago. andy and kiker being the exceptions, i may have even introduced him to you. he wasn't the mvp of the game tonight. that honor goes to glen coffee and mark ingram and one of the best offensive lines in the country. but his presence as metaphor and actuality combined with the mentality of this alabama team that has completely bought what nick saban is selling made "the leap" tonight. not that the eleven wins of 2008 prior to this day were not important. each was a step in the journey. but it was tonight that exposed their in-state rival's six game winning streak as being flawed, at best, and, at worst, meaningless. it was tonight that alabama re-arrived on the national stage as a worthy opponent to the mighty tim tebow and his army of really fast guys. it was tonight that alabama became alabama again. because "being alabama" means controlling, no, dominating your rival in such a way that hindsight proves them to be no more significant a blip on your season's radar than any other victim.

julio didn't win this game by himself. he wasn't even the catalyst for the change (see: saban) that has now come to those that see through crimson colored glasses. maybe he was wise enough to see what was coming before the rest of us. maybe he was just lucky to be along for the ride. he will be the one player above all others that will represent this season of transition and looking ahead to looking back fifteen years from now, that'll be a pretty cool place to be for him i would think.

i am glad i was among my 'bama friends and family tonight. i am glad that i didn't have to swallow my enthusiasm out of respect for "the other side." whatever happens next week, you can watch alabama in a bcs game at my house. a bcs game. in year two. wow. if tebow and co. do stem the tide (pun intended), temporarily, when they (and stafford and moreno) have departed for the nfl in 2009 and left star jackson and julio to rule the sec without them next year, there will be nothing and no team remaining to prevent alabama from ascending to the top of college football once again.

roll. freaking. tide.

thanksgiving is not supposed to be this hard
(part two)


i felt mine looming last evening. that beginning of a cold that i can feel coming a mile away. my throat starts to get itchy, but it's a different kind of itchy than something brought on by a simple allergy or the changing of the seasons. something has been stuck in your throat for a day or so now. you just didn't know it. and now, you know it because your throat is being rubbed raw. as we speak. as i type. snot. the kind of snot-induced raw that makes it feel like i am swallowing tiny, little razorblades each time the spit accumulates to the point in my mouth that i have to get rid of it. two options. spit it out (which doesn't work out too well in bed or in the car.). or swallow. owwwww!!! the razorblades! a cold is coming. a cold has come.

mine turned out to be the lesser of two evils. you can follow the above link if you want to remember my thanksgiving experience from a year ago. the short version...i threw up. a lot. it sucked. sarah woke this morning feeling nauseous. not a good sign. by the time i woke up, her stomach was full-blown upset and we were questioning whether or not the trip was worth taking. it was a heartbreaking decision. i could tell from her face. you could see that she worried about the car ride to georgia the same as i did the car ride home last year. but she didn't want to pass up the company. she didn't want to disappoint her mom and that mom's 24 hour-plus effort (that doesn't include time spent gathering groceries) to produce a feast equal to that of feasts from years past. she didn't want to miss her family. she doesn't get to see them often enough as it is. she didn't want to miss anything. and so, we went.

the car ride was fine. no stops after the gas station to fill up and collect ice. the girls were good. nothing significant to complain about if you don't count the want to complain about the ever-increasing need to throw up. she was a trooper. but the ride took it all out of her. and most of her precious family time was spent huddled up on the couch and hoping that the feeling would go away. she took a break from the couch a few times to travel to the bathroom or eat some of the feast (a move she now regrets). she did visit a little, but i bet it felt like much more of a chore than she envisioned this time last night. i empathize. thanksgiving is not supposed to be this hard. for sarah, this year and, for me, last.

my selfish self is almost angry at sarah's plight. i want to be sick, to embrace my cold, but i can't give in to it yet. not while hannah is still up. my night will be spent tossing and turning and being mad at the world, but, right now, hannah is asking me to come and sit with her for a few minutes before she goes to bed. she's been a big girl today.

tuesday, at work, i screwed my back up something fierce. i aggravated it swimming earlier in the summer and reaggravated it towards the end of the softball season. tuesday, while helping my stocker sling cat litter, my lower back locked up out of nowhere. i wanted to drop to a knee when the pain took my breath away, but my pride wouldn't let me. later that night, in spite of my being aware that basketball would only exacerbate the problem, i played anyway. my back repaid me by making it very hard to tie my shoes without crying yesterday morning. this thanksgiving day, i spent a collective four hours sitting in a car. my back repaid me by making it very hard to walk without a limp for the first half-hour or so after getting out of the driver's seat both in rome and birmingham. tomorrow, i should just rest. let the sick take me over. lay on a heating pad as much as the girls will allow. be lazy. then again, i am due to exercise tomorrow. and, then again, the girls don't give a shit that my back hurts and that sarah wants to throw up all over their sweet faces. so, those two things (the sick and the pad) will have to wait, most likely.

now comes the part where you tire of my complaining (or, where i do). i know it could be worse. i know i still have way more to "be thankful" about than i deserve. there is just a part of me that is a little pissed. the kind of pissed i am any time i anxiously await something because of how awesome it could be, but the event or occasion is prevented somehow from reaching it's full potential. i'll get over it. tomorrow morning, i'll re-read this post and the one from last year and feel pretty silly and fairly petty.

right now, i hope sarah feels better in the morning. and i hope that i don't feel considerably worse. and i hope that we can have a relatively happy next couple days home.

this is a picture. see it as a such. a polaroid of sorts. a moment in time. tomorrow will be different, because i will be different. but there will still be a picture that documents this moment in time. that picture is this blog. this post. it doesn't capture me. it captures a picture of me. it captures a moment. it just did. get it?

say, "cheese"!

i'll be there in spirit


i am about thirty pages from finishing men with balls by drew magary of kissing suzy kolber and deadspin. it's flipping hilarious, and the only reason i am not too broken up about finishing it is that the new freedarko book will brace my fall.

while reading today, drew treated me to this quote from retired major leaguer, carl everett. it made me laugh out loud today like it made me laugh out loud a few years ago when the wise professional dispenser of knowledge baseball player uttered these words:

"they (dinosaurs) didn't exist. god created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made adam and eve. the bible never says anything about dinosaurs. you can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. someone actually saw adam and eve. no one ever saw a tyrannosaurus rex."

classic.

anyway, i thought this would be an appropriate homage to rev. short and his sermon that i hate i'll miss in the morning due to being at the store.

hope you smile too. if not, say "hi" to adam and eve for me.

maybe i didn't realize what was coming out
(but, what if i did?)


there is something dreadfully wrong with me and i am not sure what to do about it. wednesday afternoon, i was sitting on my couch watching the movie, speed racer. i was about fifteen minutes from the end of the big race, just shortly after speed tells a rival driver to "get that weak shit off my track." should have been a funny and/or compelling moment. speed was finding his inner neo. everything was making sense. everything had slowed down. degree of difficulty as compared to his fellow fictional racers no longer existed in his world. he was becoming the best. all that was left was to finish the race, collect the trophy and kiss his girl. before all of that happened (and it did happen), i felt a rush of emotion come over me.

my eyes began to well up. had i not contained myself, i could have out and out bawled all over myself right there, all alone, in my living room with no one but the cats to console me. i thought to myself, "what the crap is this??? what is going on with me. i am watching speed racer for christ's sake! get a hold of yourself, man!" and i did. i got a hold of myself. but as the end credits rolled, it wasn't celebrating speed's victory that was forefront in my mind. it was my almost becoming a blubbering chim-chim while watching an escapist, family/action movie meant to entertain, not to pull at heartstrings.

or was it?

i doubt the wachowski's overarching goal for the movie was to make 32 year-old men weep, but there are certainly familial themes that drive the plot that might speak to all of us on some level. maybe on wednesday, i was just on that level.

i've been walking around in a haze for a few weeks now. few things are bringing me joy and that's just a crying shame. i look forward to getting away from the store and being at home, and then the burden of "doing my share" around the house makes me mope-y. i dreaded heading to the gym to play basketball all afternoon on tuesday. it took me getting there, breaking a good sweat and looking around to see me and one other guy were the only white guys out of our eleven man collective. i thought, then, to myself, "this is what you've been dreading? this wonderful metaphor of what our church could look like if we could ever focus on filling needs versus shifting that focus to stupid blogs (figuratively speaking, of course.)?" it wasn't just the black/white ratio that jumped out at me. it was a young thing. a fun thing. a, man, we picked to be here tonight rather than somewhere else thing. it was a beautiful thing, and i came within a hair of calling everyone and calling the night off. i am having a hard time, still, finding what's worth smiling about in my life, because something seems to be stuck in the way. or a lot of things. if i figure it out, you'll be one of the first to know.

"i always kind of, sort of, wished i was someone else", you know? that's part of it. i wished i was that guy that didn't get hung up on why people won't return e-mails in a timely matter when i am that guy that couldn't return a phone call in a timely matter if his life depended on it. i wish i could corner the market in my mind where i am always optimistic and never cynical or skeptical. i wish that i could find better ways to tell sarah that hindsight shouldn't be an excuse for saying what a good idea our family pictures turned out to be. you can take me out of them. that would probably up the quality, but we never would have had the images of our girls that we just can't take our eyes off of since last night. i wish that i wouldn't be so disappointed in people that i care for and about that my thoughts breed "contempt"uous language that those same people could use to misconstrue and mismanage my message to those beautiful little girls. i wish that i was the type of person that could see the good in everyone more than skip directly to the bad. i wish, much of the time, for a fresh start. somewhere away where the history of my name and old title and my cuss words and my lack of time spent currently with my parents weren't as much as my (your) definition as they've become. suitcase in my hand, "i always kind of, sort of, wished i looked like elvis."

but that wouldn't be fun, right? not that being sad or frustrated or annoyed is fun. not all the time anyway. but running wouldn't be fun. running from what? running from where? whom?

it's probably ok for me to cry at speed racer as long as i come out of the funk as focused as i went in. i am ready to get out of the funk. maybe acknowledging the funk is the first step in recovering from it. we'll see.

the shame of this is that, in a lot of ways, i've been a runner all my life. running away from the things that are hard. from the things that make me uncomfortable. from the things that i can't completely control. from my mom ('til recently). from my dad (still jogging kind of). from my brother (found him again). from my church (um, yeah. i am back.). i guess it's just too bad for my church that i drew my line at her. it's too bad that the evolution of me (what? people can evolve?) came at a time when huffman had become important to me again. when running was no longer an option. it's too bad. or it's too good. depends on how you're willing to feel about her.

as soon as i shake out of this funk, you'll see me smiling again. to you, it could be a genuine smile or a sinister and miscalculated one. but it won't change the message behind the smile.

think.

the week the blog stood still


it's been a while since i let a week pass between posts. i've missed being here. i don't know or think that it has been a lack of time, necessarily, to blame. maybe just a lack of computer time. yeah, we'll go with that.

whatever the case, nothing too revolutionary has happened in this world of mine between my boasting about something that no reader gives a crap about and this morning. i'm on a ridiculously long streak of consecutive days that i've had to go to the store. i know, i know. cry me a river. most of my extra attention has been pointed toward the arrival of our new point-of-sale system. we are only nine years late, but, as of monday, pet supplies "plus" roebuck has reached a 21st-century level of technology. the new stuff is fun. we have all been excited about it. it's felt a little like an early christmas present. as with any change, there have been headaches accompanied by the usual anxiety. that said, so far, so good. all signs point toward me not having to be present at all on saturday. that makes me happy. too bad there isn't a meaningful football game on 'til 700 that night. that's ok. maybe the family and i can do something fun.

let's see. what else? the church task force met again this past sunday. we actually took our first productive step after three meetings of brainstorming/discussion/conversation and have decided to ask the church, corporate, if they'd be interested in having a hispanic mission located on our grounds. what's that you ask??? you thought we already had a hispanic ministry/mission/whatever located on our grounds? well, technically, you are correct. we have. for a number of years. crazy thing, though. the church was never really asked about it. it just, kind of, happened. and for months on top of months, the church has been asked to take on a "support the troops, not the war" mentality with the whole thing. so, we came to a novel and consensus place. why don't we ask the church if this is something that we really want to do? sounds like a good place to start. or re-start. i don't know if we can, realistically, find our way back to the ground floor of this matter. there has been too much confusion and too many hurt feelings for biases and subjectivity to be left at the door. but, at least, the church will have her say. personally, i think it will be a fascinating conversation. one that i think will depend too much on the current financial standing of the church. but i do hope we are able to have an intelligent conversation about it and leave with a better understanding of where we, as a church, want to head.

hey? have y'all tackled that whole "communications"/structure/lack of vision thing that you've been pounding away at here for three years now?

um, not yet, but i hope that's coming next. so, that is kind of new and interesting.

let's see. what else? alabama won (and one) again. auburn lost. yada, yada, yada. my heart wants to explode thinking about a week from saturday.

hannah and mommy went to see high school musical 3 without me. don't tell anyone, but i am a little torn up about it.

sarah is finally licensed. thank. freaking. christ. oh yeah, and congratulations!!!

thanksgiving is nigh. dressing and coca-cola salad is too. god, i can't wait. i do get a teaser trailer to the big event tonight at church. that's pretty rad.

i guess that's about it for right now. sorry for the diary-ish entry. i might have more to say later. may be friday. either way, i am sure your day or week will be wrecked with anticipation.

my fantasy team is better than yours
(i wish i could say that it was my fault)


i haven't said anything about it to this point in the season because i didn't want to jinx anything. i hope you'll forgive me for letting my geek flag fly for just a couple minutes. as of yesterday morning, i won my fantasy football league's regular season crown. woohoo!!! for real. you can check out the proof right here. there i am. the proud alabama asianmen. 10-0. just like some other team i am fond of...hmm. we won't bring them up just yet. obviously, i have now jinxed myself. but that's ok. i couldn't contain myself any longer. and considering i could lose my last three regular season games and still win it all (due to head-to-head beat downs of the two current 7-3 teams), i say screw it. why not gloat, right?

for the uninitiated, fantasy football is fairly simple (in theory). you and your buddies draft teams made of real nfl players. their real stats are then manipulated into a fantasy format that allows for you to be completely disappointed when your favorite real team wins (i am looking at you, dog whisperers) but one of your fantasy wideouts (i am looking at you, roddy white) doesn't put up 100 receiving yards and a touchdown along the way. it's awesome.

i wish i could tell you that there was some serious strategy aspect to it that i have mastered over the years. something that i do better than everyone else. something more than coincidence that proves why i seem to have consistent success in this entirely trivial world of competition. i don't know that i can. sure, i watch enough espn and read enough that i know who should be good and who might not. but there is not as much science to it as i wish or as fantasy "experts" would tell you. as a matter a fact, most of the time, your fortunes come down to a whole lot of luck (or lack thereof).

case in point, the key to a good fantasy team is to have good depth. why is that, you ask? (or, you don't ask, because you don't care about my fantasy football team.) well, i'll tell you. in the nfl, beginning around week 4 and ending week ten, four teams each week have byes. that means you are going to have guys on your roster unavailable to accumulate fantasy stats for you one week out of the season (unless they get hurt and are out for longer. then you hate that they exist.). therefore, you will need to have guys on your bench that you can plug in during the bye weeks and hope to god that they can be half as productive as your starters. well, my team has quality depth this year, but isn't really because i knew any more than the other guys in my league. in the late rounds of my draft, i took fliers on three rookie running backs that just so happen to have turned in solid to really good years. all of a sudden, i look brilliant for picking them. all of a sudden, i am killing guys during the bye-week match-ups because my team isn't losing points when i am not playing my starters. all of a sudden, i am 10-0 and guaranteed the first seed in the playoffs with three weeks to go in the regular season. and all of a sudden, i can be obnoxious about it for a good month before my inevitable and tragic fall from grace in the post-season.

we all have things in life that we are good at. we all have things in life that we seem to be lucky at. sometimes, the stars align, lucky and good meet to hold hands, and little things in life such as fantasy football regular season titles present themselves and make us smile.

this morning, i am happy with my little thing. and i'll be happy to wear my meaningless victory like bad axe body spray and walk around the room to let my buddies smell me. smell me and like it. because you like bad axe body spray, don't you? don't you???

ah, sweet victory. i love 10-0.

hey? who else is 10-0?

you're funny


when you peddle pet supplies for a living, there is a higher than your average chance that you'll run into the occasional person that takes the ownership of their pet(s) a little too seriously. the same can be said in every walk of life i guess. people take work too seriously, burning the midnight oil and staying in the office ungodly amounts of hours 'til their eyelids' war with the part of the brain that reminds you of your actual need for sleep is lost. 'til their significant other gives up on yet another night of watching the month-old episode of fringe that "i really want to watch with you...it's just...work. i've got so much to do."some people might call this productivity at it's finest. some might argue that it's stupid. kiker and i have joked for years about the guys like "takes softball way too seriously guy". you know the guys. they wear baseball pants to play softball. they grunt when they hit the slowly pitched, size of a grapefuit ball as if they have just slayed a dragon. they don't shower. some people might call this competitive fire. some might argue that it's stupid. people take church too seriously. praying all the time. reading the bible. helping people. totally assessing what it really means to be a christian. wearing wwjd bracelets. some people might call this holiness. some might call it stupid. it's all relative.

relative to what?

exactly. now, we're getting somewhere.

pet ownership is no different. i am reminded of this every day i happen into the store. a woman came in yesterday to pick up millions (or so it seemed) of cans of cat food that i had special-ordered for her. as i was loading them into her truck for her, she talked to me of her disappointment in the results of tuesday night's presidential election. this lady has long been retired, and over the course of her retirement, she has inherited, taken in or rescued hundreds of cats. her current count stands at 77 (she thinks). a great cause is this if you are into cats. and she is into cats.

she told me that she felt ashamed to live in this country as of wednesday. she felt like all of her years of hard work had now been wasted. she told me a story of working 80 hours a week (doing godknowswhat) for two straight years before her husband had his second heart attack. she told me that after his heart attack, she retired and took to volunteering at her church (across the street from mine). she told me of how she prayed for her country's forgiveness after tuesday night and hoped that "when we were attacked", those that didn't vote for "the black man" would be removed from harm's way. i told her that i hoped she was right and that i hoped she didn't worry about such things too much. we then started talking about her cats again, and i found it fascinating the lengths to which she would go, from time to time, to find homes for her cats with elderly persons in our shared community that she thought "could just use a little company". i wished her luck in her efforts and told her i would see her next month. next month, we'll have the same general conversation. we have it every month.

her political views didn't and don't bother me. she, more or less, just summed up (i assume) the talking points she heard on fox and friends. her theology didn't and doesn't bother me. to each their own, you know? her story about working eighty hours a week didn't bother me, but it did make me sad. that's just too much, right? her passion for her cats didn't bother me. hell, through those cats she was enacting her own sort of ministry. i am sure she didn't see it that way. it's a fact that we all could just use a little company.

when you peddle pet supplies, there's a higher than your average chance that you'll run into a person that takes the ownership of their pet(s) a little too seriously. when we find those persons, we literally try and exploit that weakness. sell them dog cologne. a wicked automatic litter pan. a bandana. sell. sell. sell.

this little old lady wasn't one of those people. she took it just serious enough. she had found a balance. and a cause. and time to watch tv. she loved her husband. and she loves white people. maybe she winces at the idea of a black man being president. maybe that black man will make her life better. maybe she'll change her mind. and maybe that would change her mind about other black men (and women). one can hope, right?

i take alabama football way too seriously. i am a tightly wound ball of nerves about tomorrow. i didn't go to alabama. why do i take it so seriously? do you want to know?

or is it easier to just label me crazy? or stupid. or angry. or misinformed. or misunderstood. or eccentric. or pointed. or dramatic. or sincere. or respectful. or determined. or loving. or kind.

where is he going with this?

now, we are getting somewhere.

62,509,207
(i was one)


"how do you feel..."
"i feel like hope won." - oprah

for someone that blogs and waxes incessantly about how great "hope" is, i figure i'd do myself and my girls a disservice if i don't share a few thoughts here about the election last night.

due to his insanely brilliant work for baseball prospectus, i worship nate silver and would trust any of his thoughtful and calculated projections enough to bet my house on them. i wasn't wary of my candidate not winning last night. nate's other passion, politics, led him to start the now famous projection blog, fivethirtyeight. that site, among others, has been projecting obama as the easy winner based on polling data for weeks. now, obviously, people still had to go out and vote (and, wow! did they ever?), but if the polling numbers were even close to accurate, it was obama's night to lose. he didn't.

and do let me say, i think it's awesome. i think obama is intelligent. thoughtful. respectful. he plays basketball well. i want to believe he reads freedarko in all of that spare time of his. he talks of an america that i would like to believe in. he speaks with a genuine sparkle in his eye that seems lost in the world of robotic political candidates. he talks of change. i think he wants what is best for his country and for it's citizens, and i get the feeling he's willing to have a conversation with folks that don't see things his way before he presses forward any sort of "agenda". seems novel.

yeah? but what about the issues? eh, they are what they are. he's a democrat. i'm a democrat. we agree on most things political. whatdoyouwantmetosay?

and, of course, he talks of hope.

according to the results, fivethiryeight was right on when projecting mccain to win my state by over twenty points. i can, at least, lay claim that i was on the winning side of my county, the first time in my electing history that has been the case concerning the president. what does that say about my immediate surroundings and how i play into them? that's for another post, but it is a good step forward. a very good and hopeful step. for me.

if i am lucky enough to grow so old, one day i will talk to hannah and caroline's children about the historic nature of yesterday's election. the next four to eight years we'll have to wait to see if it was a truly transformative one. in the meantime, for the next two and half months, i look forward to all the water-cooler and talk-radio and 24-hour news and sunday school and church-wide discussions on how obama and we can turn hope into momentum into change. how does that happen? where is the handbook? what does that mean for me? do i really have to do something? well, yeah, probably. if not, all of this hope talk just turns into more cliche'.

there are a lot of things in the world that we do not have a handbook at our disposal to help us "fix". that doesn't, necessarily, mean it can't happen. it just means that the rhetoric and politics and good intentions eventually have to give way to honest discourse and action plans.

and that's where things get tricky. messy. painful. and personal. to lay a new and "hopeful" action plan will mean admitting that the one we are currently following is not working. to be honest and constructive will mean that some people's protected feelings may be bruised. if we are fortunate, the bruises will just toughen us up and prepare us to punch back. to take back the idea and ideals that we believe in but for too long we've been willing to sit back and let inertia be our guide.

snowballs heading downhill can be stopped, but not by wishful thinking. not by taking credit for someone's poor decisions and spinning them positive. not by holding grudges. not by huffing and puffing. not by claiming something that's just not there.

hope wins battles. a battle was won last night.

change wins wars. change stops snowballs. change means you have to do something. be pissed. be happy. know why you're either. be something. do something.

um..., is he still talking about obama?

no.