new year, new layout
(part two)


it just made sense. when i was looking around at my options on the blogger template page, only one jumped out at me. if i was going to change my current color scheme and layout (which i've grown quite fond of), it would have to be something that, in my mind, would help define the year to come. that being said and considering this will be the year that alabama makes "the jump" back into national prominence, the only layout and color scheme that made sense was one that made you read through crimson and white colored glasses every time you visited this page. and now, we have it. the new layout accompanied with a new name. as my eyes continue to age with the rest of my body, the world is no longer blurry through just my left eye but both. i thought about going with something a little more "artsy-fartsy" and changing the name of the blog to "the world's a little blurry through my mind's eye." i, actually, like that one, and you might see it grace the top of this page somewhere in the future. for this year, though, it will be "hannah and caroline and me". for this year, i will let the title remind me every time i visit my own page of the reason that i started this venture in the first place. that reason being that one day down the road i would like my girl(s) to be able to look back at their formative years and have a small glimpse into what made their daddy tick when they were too young to remember for themselves. a mission statement is easy to stray from if you do not keep it front and center. just ask huffman united methodist church. for at least the next 366 days, the mission statement of this page will never be farther than a click away. it will help me stay centered and on point, hopefully, when i sit down to write. it will help me to maintain my focus...

speaking of focus, next lie the resolutions, my resolutions, for this new year.

1) start getting right with god...maybe this should've been my number one last year. maybe it should be that way every year. but let's be honest, all of us that subscribe to being god-fearers are not always fearing god. for me, i fear god the most when i feel out of control and it's in those times that i tend to turn to him. i am the first to admit that this is the wrong approach, but that just proves my point. i only admit that it's the wrong approach when i feel like i am in control. being in control is something that i crave. something that i need. something that i work for and, at times, am good at. god has seen it fit to give me the confidence that i am seeing him more clearly than i ever have before. seeing his will. seeing how my actions can fit into and affect his plan. i should at least respect that confidence with an eye towards turning my recent spiritual comfort into tangible results. most likely, this will result in one of two things. either my family will feel like huffman is turning the corner to be truly relevant again, or i will start lobbying kiker, andy and others close to me to start something that is. start getting right with god...that's got a nice ring to it.

2) don't give up on huffman (the community, not necessarily my church)...my store has suffered through three robberies (2) or attempted robberies (1) in less than two months. in the last week, i have fought the temptation to profile every single customer that comes into the store as the next guy that is going to put a gun in my or one of my employees' face. i've been asked if i'd like to purchase a gun "for my safety". i've wondered if it is time to find a job in a place that i am not nervous to be after it gets dark. but i can't give up, right? i can't just chalk it up to "this area is going downhill." isn't that too easy? doesn't that do a disservice to those that are like me? that want the best for their community and fellow man? of course it does. so, i am resolved to not give up this year. or any year.

3) don't get fat...that this has fallen two spots from last year doesn't mean it's any less important to me. it just means numbers "1" and "2" are more important.

4) drive fast and safe to the emergency room when it's time...sarah has a hunch and my guess is that she may be right. this is the year hannah breaks her first bone. hopefully not. but it just makes too much sense. just this morning she tried to do a "backflip" off the couch without warning us. as a father to zero boys, this kind of warms my heart that hannah doesn't seem to have a whole lot of fear when it comes to throwing her body around. in another way, it scares me to death. i reassert that i am in no way rooting for her to hurt herself. i am just resolving to get her to the hospital as fast as i can when she does.

5) eat more ribs. i am not sure what happened this year, but i don't think that i made it to dreamland more than six times. that. is. unforgivable. it's one thing if you are allergic to ribs or meat. it's an altogether different thing if you are not. i am not. i will not make any promises about music this year, but andy and kiker, i ask for your assistance in making sure this resolution holds true.

6) don't throw up...this is never going to happen, but there is no feeling that i feel that comes closer to imminent death than the feeling i get when i throw up. the prolonged heave that seems to last an hour and prevents one from breathing until the very last moment before one might pass out is one of god's cruelest jokes. sure, sure. i get that you are usually purging something evil from your insides, but if i could go twelve full months without throwing up, those would be a good twelve months.

7) go to the iron bowl...i know this is pretty specific, but i might as well shoot for the stars rather than wasting my wanderlust on vague wishes like "go to a tuscaloosa game".

8) don't start smoking...i have to throw a "gimme" in for good measure to counterbalance the tougher ones and raise my spirits during times of trial.

9) make christmas less "busy"...hannah being born on christmas makes this hard. it really does. but i'd like to have one christmas that doesn't involve five steps and four stops. not that everyone has to come to us, but it would be fun to tone it down from "thank god christmas is over. i am glad i get to go to work tomorrow." to "hmm. that could have been a lot more stressful. good show."

10) see brian again...maybe this time i can meet him in sunny florida.

11) close this chapter as it relates to my father...i saw him one time all year. it's the first time in many, many years that we haven't spoken on my birthday or christmas. maybe all that means the chapter is closed for us. for some reason, though, i don't feel a sense of closure yet. maybe i never will. but i'd like to put this behind me if i can and think about something else for a while. something more pleasant.

happy 2008. may your year be anything other than stagnant. talk more. stop fucking lying. to yourself and to others. be a man. or a woman. just be real. whatever that means for you.