#27


i'd say the waiting for the worst of the toxicities is the hardest part, but that's not really true. the waiting sucks, for sure, but i'd rather wait and be anxious than be in pain.

the part of the waiting that is harder now than in the beginning of the treatment program is that i know there is a pot of agony waiting for me over the rainbow.

"it may end up being just like taking an aspirin."

there are several things that my urologist has said since july of 2009 that he'd probably take back if he had the chance now. during the first couple of cycles, though, i trusted these words that he shared with me during my last office visit with him before i got shuffled off and referred down to my oncologist at uab. in my head, it kind of made sense. i was "just taking a pill". surely it wouldn't be as bad as all the horror stories i had heard about infusion and/or radiation, right? the pill would be more slow-release. my body would have time to readjust and recalibrate as the levels of poison rose in my body. my insides would allow the sutent to kill the bad stuff and leave the rest of my body alone.

god, i had no idea what i was talking about.

nowadays, i know what is coming. it's a matter of when and not if.

#27

toxicities present:

not much yet. a few spots on the bottom of my feet started getting just a tad sensitive this afternoon. several spots on both feet peeled significantly over the break. when the pain comes, it's going to be bad. not today, though, so that's nice.

so long, solid stools! the quickest normal to change over to abnormal is always my stomach. i haven't started delivering water-babies every time i'm in the bathroom yet, but it's coming in the next 48 hours. we're right on schedule.

pain (scaled 1-10):

1 - i'm okay today.