#4


etc...

a short list of still-annoying shit that hasn't made the cut to be mentioned on the blog yet.

- i've already mentioned how every orifice on my body dries out over the course of a cycle. this includes the nose. this one particular spot on the inside of my right nostril ends up scabbing up every motherscratching cycle and it is excruciating. other scabs have developed in and around both nostrils over the year, but this one pops up every time. so, between week 2 of each cycle until about a week after the cycle ends, there is a great chance you'll see me pushing against the side of my nose, contorting my face to try and stretch the scab open or flat out digging up in there trying to rip the scab out. it's incredibly painful to rib that scab out, but the 15-30 seconds after its removal are pure ecstasy.

- as i journeyed through puberty, i was really lucky with the whole acne thing, or lack thereof. i didn't suffer through months on top of months of pimples and oily face and other unsightly issues. now, that's not to say that chemo has led me to rue the day that i celebrated being luckier than some of my peers, but i've had these random rashes pop up on my forehead and my legs almost each cycle. on the top of my legs, there have been these small little pimples that hurt like mad. maybe it's my lack of experience, but these little fuckers will not pop for anything, and so i end up just doubling or tripling the size of the pain because i squeeze and squeeze and squeeze the little bumps 'til i can't even see the whitehead. oh well.

- i'm cold. all the time. for the last two or three weeks of each cycle, i can't get warm, and, during the cold weather months, i couldn't stand to be outside. i'm not really a layers kind of guy, but i did eventually go and buy a scarf. if you had any idea how much fun i made of amy and her scarfs, you would know it wasn't easy to become what i hate. to my surprise, i think i look pretty good in a scarf.

#4

toxicities present:

extreme reflux. i'm hoping the severity of the reflux these last three weeks is what's been leading to the tightness in my chest most days. if not, i'll have another problem to address soon.

my stomach is just a raunchy, gassy, crampy mess. waterbabies have been delivered four times today, each with an increasing velocity. i went wed.-fri. without eating dinner to try and avoid labor in the middle of the night. i'll probably pay for my mother's day dinner out with sarah and the girls in about five hours.

which brings us to the chewed up hamburger meat. i'm pretty sure the inside of the hatch is permanently on the outside now. and forever will be.

i spent the night with bhn at the church last night. the cute little 3 year-old in the next classroom was up and babbling 'til after 2. the fatigue is crippling today. i'm proud that i soldiered through church, a workout, and dinner. some days, you fight harder.

i bit the shit out of my tongue today. not chemo related, but, you know, injury to insult and whatnot.

pain (scaled 1-10):

7