happy index
(part seven)

kohi closes tonight at:

7

the ugly:

n/a

the bad:

just some worrying. god bless sarah. she is really trying to be patient with me. i think we both figured that my clean scan in january would buy me more than just over three month's worth of peaceful mind. the days aren't bad days, per se, like i used to have bad days, but they really dampen my overall mood. most strikingly, they dampen how much patience i have with the girls and how willing i am to make sure they are happy and well. i don't know what depression feels like, but these days have to be close. when you know, in theory, that you want to be happy and, also in theory, you can map out how to get there. somewhere, something deep inside your brain hamstrings you. you think bad thoughts. the bad thoughts take over. the bad thoughts win. you're fucked.

the good:

a normal and productive monday at work

a reluctant but productive home workout

hannah is ready for her new bike. i am so proud of her. the deal was if she could learn to ride on her current bike that's just a little too small for her, we would reward her with something newer, cooler, and less princess-y. she's ready. she can take off, stop, turn and react to traffic. good job, hannah. it was fun watching you do your thing this evening.

we actually won a softball game. in our first 4 games, we scored 8 runs. tonight, we scored 18. it is always fun to have an excuse to see my friends and play softball with them. the losing was getting to us, though. tonight was nice.