happy index
(part twenty-three)


gonna close the kohi down at:

9

the ugly:

sarah keeps asking me why i include "the ugly" since nothing is ever placed in this category. i am just looking at it like very few things have happened that have even carried the potential to ruin my day. in and of itself, i appreciate leaving the door open and never having to walk through it.

the bad:

kate moss would be ashamed of my calorie intake today. not that she could do anything about it, her and her skinny ass.

the good:

got to sleep late. the caroline of rising every morning at 6:00 a.m. even slept an hour late. good for her and better for us!

girls were easy getting ready for school. drop-off a piece of cake.

headed to ihop for a big breakfast to start our day. heavy on the calories, but i knew a run was coming to help burn some of the fatty-fat away.

next stop, 280. we were going to stop in a maternity place in the summit, but it wasn't open, so we just headed over to target and spent money there. i got an arm strap for my new(est) ipod. hopefully, it'll help keep the sweat from killing this one.

we saw bridesmaids. dear christ, was it funny. gut-busting-ly funny in two or three different parts. kristin wiig is my new tina fey. i want to watch her do anything and say anything. gosh, ...so flipping hilarious.

came home and chilled for a little bit before heading out for my first run since sunday. made it past the 5 mile mark again. it was hot, but my legs felt pretty fresh after two days off. will probably take tomorrow off for the rain and hit the road again on friday.

ran home, cleaned up, and then met all the girls for a dinner and the brand spankin' new olive garden in trussville. as expected, it was a mad house, but they must have had 100 employees working and, for the most part, had their shit totally together. great way to end the anniversary. girls were really good, too, for the most part.

commentary:

may 25, 2011. a lot has changed in my and sarah's nine years of marriage. the obvious variables have been the children here now and the one on the way. but, it's way more than that. we reminisced some today about our early years. i remember us talking a lot more back then, but that's par for the course i am sure. we didn't know each other. we wanted to know each other, so we had close to fifty years worth of memories and experience to share with each other. fifty years is a lot of time and a lot of stories and a lot of foundation to build for a brand new-ish relationship, but even fifty years you eventually get through. once you do, you have to find something new to talk about. we are at the point now where we pretty much know everything there is to know about the other, so each day has its own routine's worth of catching up, making sure we aren't too pissed off at our jobs or each other, making sure the girls aren't beating the shit out of each other or driving one of us insane. we may go to soccer or to church or back to the church. i may go run. sarah may go lead a ncd group. soon, we'll be taking caroline to gymnastics or hannah to guitar lessons. it's always...something. there is less to talk about, on the whole, and more and more of our communication happens non-verbally. to be honest, syncing up with another person to the point of being able to read them across the room is pretty freaking neat. it may be a glance we share that acknowledges caroline is a goofball. a stare that we hold for just an extra beat because we know, if we don't, one of us is going to bitch-slap our seven year-old. catching each other's eye at softball or from across the sanctuary often tells us all we need to know about what comes next in the day. again, it's not something we had nine years ago. we've developed and linked in to each other's sixth sense over the course of our ten years together, and i imagine that superpower will only grow stronger.

today, there were many of those non-verbal moments. sharing a quick turn of the head to make sure it was okay that i was laughing as loud as i was at a raunchy chick-comedy was cool. her response was less, "yes, you can laugh at this." and more "i'm about to pee myself", but i took it to mean cool was the rule. over breakfast or dinner, i didn't have to ask her if she was enjoying her meal. it was written across her face every bit as clearly as if she'd said something out loud.

...

marriage is a bitch, man. i am so bad at it. mainly, because i am so bad at being patient and kind and generous and selfless and all those other things that a lady would look for in a man. when i said out loud on facebook today that sarah deserved better than me, it wasn't me being all "aww....there goes our good 'ole self-deprecating kevin again. he's cute like a bunny". it was me acknowledging that i've been beyond shitty to her and to our family more times than i would like to count. it was me saying i'm sorry without really saying it, because i am ashamed of what a douchebag i can be. it was me saying that she actually deserve(s) better.

in spite of all my crappiness and self-loathing and others-loathing and church-loathing, though, we've kind of made it work, even if i don't flower her with roses and pretend to be romantic. she seems to be okay with me wearing t-shirts and my shoes untied. i look past her annoying habit to call me like she sees me, and we move forward.

i still worry that i won't be around for another nine years, much less forty, but i hope i am. i truly hope i am. i want our next nine to be what the first nine could've been. better than average. good even. striving for great.

thanks for everything, sarah. i "luff"ed today.

lillian: "i just shit in the street."